Prologue

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Moans and cries of agony escaped my lips as despair and anguish washed over me like an oncoming tidal wave. Misery hung in the air around me, but I was completely and utterly alone. I was screaming and screaming for help, but no one came. I was also fighting the chains that held me ten feet above the ground. Helplessness became prominent, so I let my body sag as I accepted defeat. I hung, suspended in midair, tears rolling down my face. The rust from the chains that held me cut at the soft flesh of my wrists, and blood ran down my arms. My cries turned into whimpers as I began to realize that there truly was no way out of this and I was surely going to die.
A chain of memories worked their way into my mind as I relived the past four months. It was him, the one I truly trusted, that led me to the peril that was surely on its way. I remembered his face clearly in my mind, and as much as it disgusted me to admit it, it still gave me chills just thinking about him. His light brown eyes glimmered in my mind, and my heart beat faster in my chest just picturing it. Even at the time of my utmost weakness, I still fantasized about his hands on my skin, and his lips on mine. I relived the few moments of passion we shared, the feel of us becoming one...
I snapped out of my reverie and tried again at my desperate attempt for freedom. I struggled on the chains that held me in the air, pulling my weight down as hard as I could in order to snap them. It was fruitless. “HEEEEEELP!” my voice rang out of my throat and filled the cavernous room around me. “Somebody please help me!” I wailed as loud as I could. Desperation clouded my mind as I imagined what it would be like to die.
"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it."




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well, it looks like the start of a crazy story. the writing must have been good, because i could see everything that was happening, the girl screaming, the blood on her arm. the prologue has also done it's job because i now want to read more.

overall: a good write, and i will read more if i see more up there
It's not what life makes of you;
But what you make of life.




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UHHH! Speechless....
You did an awesome job at drawing me, a reader, in and making me want more, more, more! And to top it off, I don't even have anything to add about grammar or punctuation! Now if you would only give your story a name!!!

Don't let this go, because it sounds chillingly enchanting!
Safety first, even when you're immortal.




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The first few lines are always key, since they're what either suck the reader in or pushes him away... This definitely succeeded in the first. You did wonderful with imagery and there were no grammatical errors to be found (which is a relief)... So the question now is, when will there be more? I'm quite curious now.

»Sam.
"The power of accurate obeservation is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it." - Oscar Wilde.

If I could only see right to the end, I'd know just where to begin, and I could put together all the little pieces.




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Hey BeautifulDoom!

Okay, so first of all, I've studied chemistry (in fact, I'm just about to get my biochemical engineering degree! :D), so I'm kind of a nerd! Anyway, rust wouldn't actually cut you... the iron would! Rust is just a name for iron oxidation. So yep... now you know! Also, why would these tormentors of her use iron with rust? Iron with rust is easier to break, and if they really wanted to have her feel that whole helpless feeling, they're not doing a good job! It would be easier to just design the iron so that it would be sharp at the edges... more knifelife and strong! It's a good thing, really. :D

Also, and this may just be me, but when I think of people who I thought were friends of mine who betrayed me, I feel horribly ashamed that I was duped in that matter and even the thought of that person makes me physically sick. And, judging by some psychology books, t his is a fairly common reaction! With that said, she probably wouldn't desire him when he has hurt her so much. I mean, come on. She's dying! He basically killed her! Do you think she really wants him, still? My thoughts are that she would be clinging to what she actually loves instead of someone who hurt her.

As far as prologues go, if the novel is starting off with her being confined, then I think this prologue works. I've always liked a good revenge story! If it's starting off with the flashback about her betrayal... not so good! You've already given away the ending. :P

Anyway, just a couple ideas! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I saw the whole story playing in front of my eyes while reading this, seriously this was brilliant and it makes me want to read more. I'm surely going to be looking forward to reading your next chapter...
"Even in the darkness, my heart will you..."
"How do you escape from yourself?"
"...open your eyes, and see..."

Ikafe




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The story line is great, But I agree with Snoink...Also, could you maybe add some spaces here and there? It make the lines run together when it's all scrunched up like that :(

But anyways, Great job!

Singer :P
"Hello, is this thing on?"



someone hide fried pickles in my tree
— Iggy