UnAcceptaBle Part Two

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[color=#FF00FF]Please do not "read and run". I really really need reviews, even if it's just something like "That's good" or "this story sucks". Anything is better than nothing. And this is part two, so please read and review part one, seeing (at this point in time) I have no reviews for part one. [/color]

With a gasp, I sat up in my bed, snapping out of my dream. Sweat was running down my face and I was breathing hard as though I had been running all night. With a relieved sigh, I laid back down, thinking about my dream. This one had been quite unusual and weirdly defiant. Most of my dreams jump around from topic to topic and had weird features that clearly defied them as dreams right from the beginning, but this one had been different. It had stuck to one topic the whole time and it felt so real.

“I really need to stop reading Twilight,” I said to myself as I stood and stretched. Saturday morning sun filtered into my bedroom window and onto the floor, warming the room. Dust danced in the shaft of light and a black raven flew by my bedroom window, cawing ominously.

After a quick shower, I dashed downstairs for breakfast. My brother, Craig, was already at the table, eating a bagel loaded with peanut butter and staring, transfixed, into a book.

“What are you reading now, bookworm?” I asked, grabbing some orange juice from the fridge. Craig ignored me and continued to munch on his bagel and stare, unblinkingly, into the book, his eyes moving rapidly over the ivory pages.

I tilted my head to the side and read out loud from the spine of the book, “Hunting Angels. What, are you going to become one of those lame guys on TV who ‘hunts the supernatural’ or something?”

Craig rolled his eyes and said slowly, “It’s a…fantasy book.”

“You need to read something better then those stupid fantasy books, something with substance, something real,” I badgered, gulping down some orange juice.

Craig’s grey eyes turned towards me and he said, “What, something like Twilight? Is that not fantasy? Is that not so far gone that it doesn’t even represent legends? Should I read a book where I will just swoon over made-up characters with their fake abs and sparkles?”

My face turned red and I glared angrily at him.

Craig pushed himself up, finished off the last of his bagel, threw his backpack over his shoulder and stepped out of the house through the sliding glass door. I stood in the kitchen for a minute and gazed out the door, watching him lop across the yard like a cheetah. His long legs carried him quickly into the woods behind our house, even though he was going at a slow pace. His shaggy brown hair hung in his face, covering his eyes. Lately, Craig had been getting very beefy and quiet. He was starting to come home at late hours and spent hours in the bathroom. Mom said that Craig was simply growing up, being the age of seventeen, but in the back of my mind, I didn’t believe it, but I ignored the uncomfortable feelings.

I swallowed the last of my orange juice, threw the empty carton in the recycle, then pulled on my lime-green high tops. I went outside then walked down the road, cars zooming past me towards the beach or a water park on this hot summer day. After walking about a mile, I came to a small path leading deep into the Maine woods that I liked to frequently travel. Turning down it, I smiled as the shade from the trees covered my body like a loving soul mate.

No one was on this path as it was well concealed from view as so no one else knew about it. I walked along, enjoying the chance to be alone, the only sound being mockingbirds, their beautiful voices sounding like bliss to my ears.

After about another mile of walking, I stopped. A large oak tree stood about five hundred yards off of the path, almost completely blocked from view by massive amounts of trees and vines.

I cocked my head to the side in wonder, then slowly stepped off the path, as though the tree was drawing me towards it. Somehow, I was able to easily travel through the thick underbrush as though it was not there. Finally, I arrived at the base of the enormous trunk, the tree’s branches sprayed above me like spider webs, the oak’s branches interlinking with other branches, as though the forest was really all just part of this one tree.

Compelled, I reached out to touch the truck of the tree. However, a shout from deep within my subconscious made me pause for a moment.

Kari! a small voice inside me shouted. Don’t do it! You don’t know what will happen when you touch that tree!

“It’s just a tree,” I murmured.

Please trust me on this, the little voice begged. Turn around and go home. This tree holds nothing for you here.

But I wanted nothing more in that moment of time then to touch the tree, to feel its cool, rough bark underneath my fingertips. It seemed like an invisible rope was keeping me tethered to the tree, growing shorter every moment, drawing me closer and closer to it. But then the words that my brother had said to me a few weeks back came to my mind. I don’t know why they did, but, at that moment, the words completely overwhelmed me.

We had been sitting on the couch together, I watching MTV, he reading yet another book. Mom was working and the house was quiet. Eyes downcast, he had said the words so quietly that I almost couldn’t hear then over the music video.

“If that little voice inside your head tells you to do something, do it. Just do it. Please. For me.”

The words were so unusual that I glanced over at him. Craig looked up at me and the look in his eyes was so surreal, all I could do was shut my mouth and nod.

With these words in my mind, I placed my hand next to my side and started to turn away. But, suddenly, I felt two hands on my shoulders and whoever it was pushed me. I stumbled forwards and stuck my hands out to catch myself.

I landed amongst the thick roots, both my hands firmly planted on the rough bark of the tree. A blue light burst from the branches above my head and what felt like electricity flowed through my body. Coursed through me and my heart felt as though it was going to explode.

From the heart of the tree burst a black hell-bent figure. It surged upwards into the sky with a burst of sound.

Overcome with pain, unconsciousness lapped on the edge of my mind like a black lake waiting to pull someone down into its dark and mysterious depths. I welcomed it with open arms.
Many ask me if I see the glass as half full or half empty. Well, I don't know about you, but I see the glass as, WHO DRANK HALF OF MY MILK?!?!?!




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Hey Dragnet, I'm here as requested. Sorry it took me longer than usual, I've been having problems with my laptop :D

Compelled, I reached out to touch the truck of the tree. However, a shout from deep within my subconscious made me pause for a moment.
trunk

Kari! a small voice inside me shouted. Don’t do it! You don’t know what will happen when you touch that tree!
the words she's thinking should be italicized.

Please trust me on this, the little voice begged. Turn around and go home. This tree holds nothing for you here
same here.

But I wanted nothing more in that moment of time then to touch the tree, to feel its cool, rough bark underneath my fingertips
Question: how would she know the bark is cool? Would it not be warmed by the sun? Does the sound actually reach the tree?

We had been sitting on the couch together, I watching MTV, he reading yet another book
Instead of 'I' and 'he', I would write 'me' and 'him'.


With these words in my mind, I placed my hand next to my side and started to turn away
These actions are too automatic. Maybe her hand dropped to her hand, and she sighed wistfully, because, after all, she had so wanted to touch it. Or something.

A blue light burst from the branches above my head and what felt like electricity flowed through my body. Coursed through me and my heart felt as though it was going to explode.
these sentences are awkward. You finish with 'body', period, then start off with coursed, doesn't make sense.

Ok, first of all, I like your metaphors, they help draw me out of the story, nice work. Next: what in the name of the good Lord does this have to do with the previous chapter? I mean, the one before hadn't been a prologue, it was a chapter, and suddenly we're in in her home, with her weird-acting-brother and her acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
I would like to know more about her, so far, your chapters are rather random, but intriguing enough for me to continue reading them. That's good. Me being confused, though, isn't. Maybe you could say something like, "my older/younger brother was having breakfast..." Or something. We'll know who's eldest, and depending on their actions whether they're close, who's more protective of the other. Where are the parents?

A few things *definitely* need to be clarified but I really like the intrigue here. In the email, you mentioned posting a third chapter soon, I'd really like to read it. Pm me?

Tanya :D



“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu