100 Things To Do In A Crowded Lift

Emma · 2005-12-06T17:10:26Z

100 Things To Do In A Crowded Lift 1)Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2) Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift. 3) Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 4) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 5) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!". 6) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 7) Sell Girl Scout cookies. 8.) On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 9) Shave. 10) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 11) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 12) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off 13) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 14) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 15) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 16) One word: Flatulence! 17) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 18.) Do Tai Chi exercises. 19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 20) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!" 21) Give religious tracts to each passenger. 22) Meow occasionally. 23) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 24) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 25) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 26) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. 27) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 28.) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 29) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 30) Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 31) Leave a box between the doors. 32) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 33) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 34) Start a sing-along. 35) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 36) Play the harmonica. 37) Say "Ding!" at each floor. 38.) Lean against the button panel. 39) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 40) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 41) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 42) Bring a chair along. 43) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 44) Blow spit bubbles. 45) Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 46) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 47) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 48.) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 49) Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 50) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." 51) Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?" 52) Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?" 53) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes 53) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened. 54) Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much" 55) Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea 56) Break wind and blame it on the person next to you 57) Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax 58.) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall" 59) Have sex with your imaginary friend 60) Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you 61) As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!" 62) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia 63) Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!" 64) Perform a striptease 65) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!" 66) Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever 67) Let your mobile phone ring - dont anwser it. 68.) Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?" 69) Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it. 70) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days" 71) Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor 72)Paint the walls of the lift. 73) On entering, ask the passengers if they want to be your friend. Burst into tears if they say no. 74) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!" 75) Get back to nature - go in naked 76) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over" 77) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor" 78.) Serve tea and coffee 79) Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont 80) Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line. 81) Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too 82) Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right 83) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 84) Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50 85) Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse" 86) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency 87) Yodel 88.) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores" 89) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again. 90) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask. 91) Try breakdancing 92) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?" 93) Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war". 94) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall. 95) Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?" 96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..." 97) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!" 98.) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. 99) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" 100) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head. Taken from: http://www.geocities.com/area51newmexico/lifts.html

Emma

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Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:02 am

Emma says... · Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:02 am

ElectricBlueMonkey wrote:Should I be freaked out of the fact that I've done about half of these.

Yes...

*Shifty eyes*

Hehe! What ones? O___O;

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*Twilight*

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Wed Dec 07, 2005 6:13 pm

*Twilight* says... · Wed Dec 07, 2005 6:13 pm

Yeah that's something I'd like to know. :-k

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Surfergirl

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Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:49 am

Surfergirl says... · Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:49 am

108 or something like that. Get a sleeping bag and lie in it before anyone gets in. When the life gets crowded and someone accidentally touches you, scream "in your sleep" something like,"IF YOU TOUCH ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL RIP EVERY HAIR OUT OF YOUR HEAD FRY THEM AND THEM SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!" and then make ittle baby sleeping noises and proceed to snore until someone else touches you.

109(?). Get in a big cardboard box in a corner and grab people's ankles through a hole you can cover with more cardboard.

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Elfcat

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Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:40 pm

Elfcat says... · Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:40 pm

TheodoreLispelle, you do know that Wingardium Leviosa doesn't turn people into frogs, right?

110(ish)--explain your theory disproving infinity in great detail, directed spcifically to the person who is least interested. Get right up in their face and use lots of hand gestures.

111--recite the Raven (or any long, complicated, and/or depressing poem) then right before the end, mess up and start over.

So I'm a little left of center, I'm a little out of tune. Some say I'm paranormal, so I just bend their spoon.
Who wants to be ordinary, in a crazy mixed up world? I don't care what they're saying, as long as I'm your girl.

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Chevy

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Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:01 pm

Chevy says... · Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:01 pm

These made me laugh aloud:

19) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

59) Have sex with your imaginary friend

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

My computer's being stupid and not letting me access all my moderator controls but yeah, this needs a rating because some of these were a bit risque so if the moderators read this you should probably rate it PG or something.

Oh, and by the way...what's a lift?

when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.

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Teeeeo.

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Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:18 pm

Teeeeo. says... · Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:18 pm

First of all, my name has no 'h' in it, just Teodore... k cleared that up

Next, I know Wingardium Leviosa doesn't change people into frogs, that's what's funny about it!

A Lift is an elevator, but the non-American way to say it

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Elizabeth

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Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:29 pm

Elizabeth says... · Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:29 pm

96) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."

Yet again, It HAS HAPPENED!

Jesus christ, if I look at this again I swear to god I'll do all of these!!!

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-KayJuran-

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Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:34 pm

-KayJuran- says... · Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:34 pm

areida07 wrote:I love these lists... they always make me laugh... like the top 100 things to do in Wal-Mart.

what is wal-mart...?

i like 37!

but obviously i would be doing 82! only i'd have to teach them imperfect passive voice in German as well... and maybe some Japanese while i'm at it... *shifty eyes*

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Teeeeo.

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Sat Dec 10, 2005 10:23 pm

Teeeeo. says... · Sat Dec 10, 2005 10:23 pm

I've done number 37 before!
But then they threw me out of the clinic...
Supposedly people who just found they have cancer or have found out they've broken their leg(s) don't really like an annoying 13-going-on-7 year old yelling DING at each floor...
Though it WAS FUN!

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bubblewrapped

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Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:55 am

bubblewrapped says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:55 am

110. Explain, in detail, every one of your nine billion past lives in a loud voice to nobody in particular, and dont let anyone leave until you've recounted your own gory death at least twelve times.

111. Even better, explain that they were in each of those lives as well, only you murdered them.

112. Pretend to try to convert them to the Religion of (Your Name Here). When they refuse, scream that they will burn in hell for all eternity and then shoot them dirty looks until they get off.

113. Come up behind someone and whisper "This is your conscience speaking. I know what you did, and boy are you gonna get it when I tell Martha..." (or any other random name)

114. Flick things at the back of people's heads. Make sure they dont catch you at it. Better yet, bring a slingshot. If they see you looking at them, blame the person next to you, and shove the slingshot in their pocket when they're not looking.

115. When someone attempts to get on the lift, run up to them and clutch their arm, insisting that the lift is haunted. Make sure that you have an array of "evidence" - i.e. oozing ectoplasm, ghostly wails and, if you can manage it, ghostly writing on the walls. If they dont believe you, gasp and exclaim - "Oh no! They got you too!"

116. Hide at the back of the lift. When someone else gets on, shrink down and beg the person in front of you to protect you. If they ask why, insist that the person who just got on the lift is an assassin and the government is trying to kill you. Then force them to take a (blank) piece of paper, asking (in heroic tones) that they deliver it to an imaginary address and tell whoever is there of your death in the line of duty.

Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)

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Skye

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Sun Dec 11, 2005 2:24 am

Skye says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 2:24 am

116. Hide at the back of the lift. When someone else gets on, shrink down and beg the person in front of you to protect you. If they ask why, insist that the person who just got on the lift is an assassin and the government is trying to kill you. Then force them to take a (blank) piece of paper, asking (in heroic tones) that they deliver it to an imaginary address and tell whoever is there of your death in the line of duty.

Bonus points if the "assassin" is your friend who is in on your joke and then pretends to kill you. Even more bonus points if you come back the next day and do it all over again, especially if that same person happens to be in the elevator.

How about a dare: Your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to do all of the things on the list all in one day, preferably all in one elevator. You can even do them in order if you feel daring!

lol, okay, so it's kind of impossible, but wouldn't it be fun?

"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.

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zelithon

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Sun Dec 11, 2005 2:40 am

zelithon says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 2:40 am

You wuold be kicked out. When you are the only one in the elivater when someone trys to get on say sorry, the elivater wuold break if anymore people got on it. close the door then open it saying welcome! there is plenty of room!

Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess

Deadpanners are backtalkers!

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The Silent Aviator

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Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:04 am

The Silent Aviator says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 6:04 am

Most elevators have tiled or otherwise sectioned decorative floors. Stand on a tile near the door of the lift and when somebody boards it, motion towards the tile you're standing on (while quivering nervously, shaking, and glaring at the person ), pull out a foot-long knife and scream
"This square is my personal space and if you enter it I'll rip your flesh from your bones!"

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the_red_gem

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Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:09 pm

the_red_gem says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:09 pm

Put a little bit of red paint on the roof then crouch in the corner... when someone comes in start shaking and say "He's coming"

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Elfcat

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Mon Dec 12, 2005 3:59 pm

Elfcat says... · Mon Dec 12, 2005 3:59 pm

TeodoreLispelle wrote:First of all, my name has no 'h' in it, just Teodore... k cleared that up

Next, I know Wingardium Leviosa doesn't change people into frogs, that's what's funny about it!

Ah. Just checking. Sorry I messed up your name.

So I'm a little left of center, I'm a little out of tune. Some say I'm paranormal, so I just bend their spoon.
Who wants to be ordinary, in a crazy mixed up world? I don't care what they're saying, as long as I'm your girl.

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