Renegade - Prologue

I've marked this as 18+ because it is incredibly violent, has strong language and references to sex and rape.

Feels a little awkward since I'm not old enough to read my own writing.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it and comments are greatly appreciated.

My name is Renegade, and I am a Demon.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be truly hated?
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be an exile?
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be me?
My name is Renegade, and I am the last Demon.

Prologue
The Renegade Tempo

I’m a demon, living in a world of angels, hybrid spawn of an angel whore and a sex crazed devil. Sadly, 99% of me is devil. If it was 98%, I’d be able to control the transformation, but I’m not, so fuck me.
I’m not evil, not even the slightest, I love to dance, but in the heat of such passion and happiness, I lose control, and a claw will pop out, or my pointed tail will rip out of my jeans. When that happens, I’m screwed.
And it happens, a lot.
Whoa, almost missed a step there. Yeah, I’m dancing, it gives me time to think, and the little cherubs are watching me, for those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, cherubs are infant angels. I’m amazing, my feet are so graceful and I make such majestic patterns. The parents are enjoying the show as well; it’s nice to feel accepted once in a while. Oh god, the crowd is gasping what happened?
Shit.
A claw just popped out as I did my signature, pose and click, move. The cherubs are flying away and screaming, the mothers spit and curse and scream, seriously, they were happy to watch a few minutes ago.
Oh for fucks sake, do they really have to use demon slaying bullets? They hurt, a lot.
Well, I guess I should transform, even when I fight, the beat is there.
Pose and click.
The pain is excruciating, my tail pops out, my nails lengthen and my horns rip out of my skull. My eyes become red and my toes become long talons. I never really got used to it.
“Let’s dance!”
Another shot and I do a brilliant twirl, the bullet misses by a mile.
Pose and click.
I leap into the air and land a deep slash into the angel’s cheek. Shame, I would’ve liked to knock off the guy’s halo, those fetch a bundle on the black market. That and it kills instantly. The more halos you have, the more lives you have. Literally.
The angel screams in rage and fires a few more bullets.
I tap my feet a few times and do a cartwheel.
Pose and click.
I dive forwards and spin rapidly, like a drill.
I go straight through the angel’s chest, and the sound it makes is not worth describing. And I look a complete mess.
So, I’m covered in angel blood and organs. I can’t exactly walk home as if nothing happened. It’s even worse when I’m still in demon form.
I run into a nearby public toilet and quickly wash myself down.
I don’t need to worry about being wet, naturally, I can control hellfire.
And since my luck is that shit, I come out with five divine knights waiting for me.
All after that 1 billion halo reward for my head.
The things people will do for immortality.
“Renegade, you are sentenced to death demon!”
“Ok, but can we delay it for this evening, I’m really looking forward to a burger and chips for dinner...”
I have a way with words.
The knights draw their swords, and they do look pretty badass. They attack together, shouting random battle cries like ‘For the Lord!’ or ‘In Christ’s name!’
I’ve met them both, and they’re the two most annoying people you’ll ever meet. They don’t fucking shut up.
Well, they’re also incredibly anti-demon. It’s not as if I can talk it over with them.
Anyway, back to the five knights. I know it sounds boring but it has to be done.
Pose and click.
I side step and twirl, my pointed tail leaving a smooth cut in the fifth knight’s shield.
They’re forced to keep with my beat, a predictable slash that’s easily avoided.
Pose and click.
A rapid string of slashes and kicks leave all the knights dazed and confused. “Oh my, you missed a beat...”
Pose and click.
A high kick takes out knight number one and his halo, I leapfrog over him and steal two more halos, then stretch out my left hand and steal the fourth halo, and finally, I shove my pointed tail into the fifth knight’s chin and drag the halo through his head.
The mess is like confetti. “I’d like to dedicate this massacre to my dad, the demonic rapist made a talented little devil!”

Welcome to YWS. I'm Phoenix here to review your story. Although since it's a prologue I assume this is to a working Novel. In which case this should be in the Novel section, which is the link below the short story portion.

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be me?

I'm fine with the other questions, but this one seems odd. If he is speaking to a common audience then why would the audience wonder what it's like to be a character they know nothing about?

I’m a demon, living in a world of angels, hybrid spawn of an angel whore and a sex crazed devil. Sadly, 99% of me is devil. If it was 98%, I’d be able to control the transformation, but I’m not, so fuck me.

I'm fuzzy on how after a his conception he was 99% demon. I mean shouldn't it be 50% 50%. I suppose the demon trait could be dominant, if so that should be explained a little.

And it happens, a lot.
Whoa, almost missed a step there. Yeah, I’m dancing, it gives me time to think, and the little cherubs are watching me, for those of you who haven’t figured it out yet, cherubs are infant angels. I’m amazing, my feet are so graceful and I make such majestic patterns. The parents are enjoying the show as well; it’s nice to feel accepted once in a while. Oh god, the crowd is gasping what happened?
Shit.

This is a bit disjointed. It changes from one thing to another two fast. Things progress too fast and one after they other.

The pain is excruciating, my tail pops out, my nails lengthen and my horns rip out of my skull. My eyes become red and my toes become long talons. I never really got used to it.

Describe in more detail this is first person so the excruciating part should be described better.

All after that 1 billion halo reward for my head.

That's a little excessive.

“Renegade, you are sentenced to death demon!”

Considering he already called him by his name it's repetitive to end the sentence by calling him demon.

“Ok, but can we delay it for this evening, I’m really looking forward to a burger and chips for dinner...”
I have a way with words.

I'm not sure how that relates to having a way with words. I think you can leave that statement for a better quote.

Overall thoughts- I found the idea interesting although . This is very stream of conscious, which is fine but it also lends to a rather fast pace. The dance scene goes from a fight to wash up to another fight in what I expect to be only a few pages. So work on extending the scene a bit.

The voice was defined and I got a good sense of the characters personality.

I also think you should work on description. I vaguely know what the main character looks like but nothing else. I have no idea what the dance looks like the Angels aside or the Knights.

So far so good, with a few changes this could be really cool. I already like the main character.

You need more details. That is my only review. Half the time I was like, I have no idea what is going on. So, add a lot more detail into everything. Espeically in the beginning,when the main character is dancing. And I don't think that you should come right out and say that the character transforms when he dances. I think it should happen and then you should explain a little. Also, thins happen very quickly. It has potential, but you really need to work on it first. Sorry for the harshness, but it's true. This can be great if you just work on it.