simple harmonic motion

Surely you know, dear, that words sometimes fail me; that
there are days when all my thoughts are mathematics, wordless
and unsentimental, and I ponder the minor miracle that allows
for angles to stand in for time. And I just want to say that I think
there is a poem hidden in this; a poem about the fact that
every time you move your hands to frame your words, every
night you sit at your window with your face lifted towards the
stars, every morning you rise and stretch feline and languid,
somehow you are guiding my mind along the sinuous paths
of sines and negative cosines, and make me dream numbers,
wild trajectories and simple vectors and perpetual motion.

I dream, also, of a world where it is only natural, and expected,
that I might make the narrow bones of your wrists into seconds, or
draw the minutes out of your dancing feet; perhaps maybe
even, out of the tilt of your head, weave eons.

Hey Jagged! Good to see some more of your work - and I have to say: I LOVE poems about physics (I enjoy physics, and I think there's a certain poetic beauty to it all - so well done on capturing my attention from the title!).

Here were my favourite lines:

every time you move your hands to frame your words, every
night you sit at your window with your face lifted towards the
stars, every morning you rise and stretch feline and languid,
somehow you are guiding my mind along the sinuous paths
of sines and negative cosines, and make me dream numbers,
wild trajectories and simple vectors and perpetual motion.

(I dream, also, of a world where it is only natural,
and expected,
that I might make the narrow bones of your wrists into seconds, or
draw the minutes out of your dancing feet; perhaps maybe
even, out of the tilt of your head, weave eons.)

I loved it when you became very imaginative with the concept - even to the extent of personifying it - it suddenly made it come alive all the more!

However, I felt that the brackets at the end were unneeded - the poem reads beautifully without them, because the imagery is entrancing.

Also, I did not care for the way you begun the poem as much - the fact that you tell us you learnt something in physics class and thought about putting it into a poem - I think that's really clear throughout the rest of the poem. I'd suggest phrasing the 'seconds to angles' thing differently, so that the parts about physics class=poetry are less glaringly obvious. I mean - it's clear, from the way you describe it what you think of it (you've already done a brilliant job of SHOWING us - so you really don't need to literally TELL us the same thing - I kind of just skim-read that part wondering when you were going to get to the real idea behind it all - and I was not disappointed).

Well done !

I get it. It's about a clock, right? Nevermind, I don't get it. I haven't learned physics yet I'll look at it again in a couple of years. The different relations are cool.

-Crescent

I don't have any criticisms I thought it was great. I loved the way the whole poem seemed to flow like one continuous line, and the images were great. The whole idea is very imaginative. Well done

Alright cool cat, here we go:

This entire poem (like math) is cold and sterile. And because you depend on physics/ academic terms for your imgery, they have no feeling, or any sensory detail for that matter. Academic terms can be really really useful in poetry when you know how to use them. You have to attach something simpler, more tangible. For example, "wild trajectories" alright, when you say trajectory, I think parabolic trajectories, or parabolas in general. What's a parabolic? Hm, maybe a bridge or maybe the path of a falling comet. Alright, wild as in off course? Okay, now take these three things are link it into your poem. You're soon talking about dreams, well, a comet has gone off course and barreled into your dreams of numbers?

It doesn't matter what you come up with, you have to attach sensory detail to academic terms. That way it's much more intelligent, and makes the reader imagine things (and learn something) instead of making them break out the textbook.

Think, what does this term mean, what does it consist of, what does it look, taste, smell, feel like? It's all important, to use metaphors to explain these things. Otherwise your poem is another physics lecture I slept through.

Also, be careful with your content, math and science are very straight forward things. For example, there is only one total to an equation, otherwise it's wrong. And electrons are always negative, never positive. They follow rules. So writing a poem within that gets boring, and it's a lot more difficult to relate it to something wild and incalculable like love. You're restricting what your saying, and you make it sound like love is something you can solve, classify, make rules and boundaries for. If you're going to use two very contrasting things, be careful. One can dim out the other, and churn out a poem that is overall, boring and chewed on. Your poem is almost that, you've dimmed out a good idea, with chewed up terms and got a textbook to slobber on it.

You've got great potential, please keep writing.

Kamas

I really enjoyed this poem. I have no interest in math or science. I think it is extremely difficult to write a poem with those terms but still sound interesting. I think you did a good job at that. It flows well. It is outside the box and that can be hard to do. That's actually the biggest problem I personally have as a writer so kudos! I love the language also the last few lines at the end are well written. It's kind of an intense poem but not overwhelming.

Surely you know, dear, that words sometimes fail me;It's weird to end your line with that. I feel like it would sound better if you lowered that to the next line. that
there are days when all my thoughts are mathematics, wordlessAgain, this is a weird place to break off your line.
and unsentimental, and I ponder the minor miracle that allows
for angles to stand in for time. This part was confusing, maybe take out the word for, or replace it with another word?And I just want to say that I think
there is a poem hidden in this; a poem about the fact that
every time you move your hands to frame your words, every
night you sit at your window with your face lifted towards the
stars, So, this phrase could be a sentence by itself, so it seems weird that now you are using it as just a small part of your sentence. Try making all three of these sentences parallel, rather than the first one being different.every morning you rise and stretch feline and languid,
somehow you are guiding my mind along the sinuous paths
of sines and negative cosines, and makeI'd say this should be making. me dream numbers,
wild trajectories and simple vectors and perpetual motion. Good.

I dream, also, of a world where it is only natural, and expected,
that I might make the narrow bones of your wrists into seconds, Interesting. or Again, weird place to end the line.
draw the minutes out of your dancing feet; perhaps maybe
even, out of the tilt of your head, weave eons.I think you could have a stronger ending. This was not very firm or mind-blowing.

Now, overall, I think this is a wonderful poem. It was creative, exciting, well written. I just don't like the fact that your long lines and big paragraph make it feel almost like a story rather than a poem. Anyway, hope that was helpful. Keep Writing!!