The Reality Dream

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You have such pretty blue eyes...you're adorable..."

THUNK! I jolt back into reality as my face slams into Trent's open locker, closing it for him. "Thanks Jones!" he hollers, running off to the fattening vending machines on the first floor.

I groan, my head aches from the collision, and I'm sure my face is as red as my mom's famous tomato soup. I feel so whoozy, like someone who has had one too many shots.

"Wow! Easy there!" I hear a voice say, gentle arms supporting me. The arms hold me in an embrace, gently helping me sit on the multicolored floor.

I look at the arm around my waist, looking at my saver for the first time since he caught me. I feel my breath catch and my heart race like a sprinter. Its him. The one that I could never get over, even though everything was just a game to him.

His gentle eyes shine with laughter. "You okay?" he asks, smiling the grin that cheered me up every morning in first period.

I slowly nod, trying to stand up with my shaking legs. But he just grabs my wrist and pulls me back down next to him, carefully and gently of course.

"Don't think you'll get away from me that easy," he says, putting his arm around my shoulders. I swear I almost purr like a cat when he does that.

"I want to talk," he mumbles, looking me straight in the eyes.

"What about?" Oh please, please please let it be about what I think it is. The thought runs through my head.

"Well I've been thinking about it a lot." This is where he scratches his copper colored hair. "I really, really do like you...and everything I said to you was, well, I mean, still is true."

I feel my hands begin to sweat; my eyes begin to blink, wondering if this is a dream. I hide my finger, but pinch my skin hard. Nope, its not a dream.

"Emily, I want you to be mine. I want you to be my girlfriend, what do you say?" he asks.

A gasp blurts from my lungs and I feel tears swell up in my eyes. This is what I've wanted, and its mine, its finally mine.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes yes, YES!" I yell, standing up with new energy. I see my World Studies teacher, Mrs. Sims raise an eyebrow at my outburst skeptically. But of course, she saw the whole thing, you know how young teachers are.

He stands up with me, snaking an arm around my waist. "Let's go," his says, smiling, and leads me down the nearest stairwell. Its empty, aside from another couple, but of course, they are ninth graders. I mean, it is right by the ninth grade hall.

My back is against the wall, so is my foot, just like in all those cheesy teen romance movies. Its kind of hard not to feel like I'm starring in one.

I can smell his fresh, minty gum breath near my face and I close my eyes, embracing the moment. His lips brush against my cheek, making my heart flutter like an encaged sparrow.

Then, I feel his lips on top of mine, passion surging through my veins instead of blood.

He slowly pulls away, and I realize why. The end of break bell rings. He sighs, "I'll see you at lunch," giving me one last kiss.

"See you," I smile, my eyes lighting up as I walk to next class, his kiss still lingering on my lips.
Last edited by Forestqueen808 on Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you,
and hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole... as you flew right through me.


~Sorrow by Flyleaf




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*littles tears* AAAWWW!

Hi forest. This is sooooo cuuutteeee! Okay. Here are my nit-picks.

fattening vending macheienes


Machines*


"I really, really do look you...and everything I said to you was, well, I mean, still is true."


Is it supposed to be " I really do LIKE you" ?

Good job

Biffle
Literally whatevr




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I thought this was a really cute story, though we really don't get any information about the characters, we do know that there's a girl who really really likes this boy (who also likes her back). As Biffle pointed out, there were a couple of spelling errors but I do believe that if you fixed those and maybe put some more description into maybe what the hallway looked like..this would be a very nice short story.
-Jane :elephant:
P.S. - I liked that cheesy teen romance movie part you put into one of the last sentences.....terrific!
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




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I think you're capable of a much better beginning than this, to be honest. I wasn't expecting much from this story when I read the beginning but when I continued reading it I found very real and captivating emotions.
It's almost creepy how much this parallels something I went through last year, down to the names. You've done a good job at capturing the thrill of this event.
World enough, and time




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Err...no.

Sorry, but I can't really say that I liked this story. It was uninteresting because there was no conflict to it. It was just about a girl who started to live out her sexual fantasies. And we're not even with this couple long enough to care about them. Right now Emily is a typical protagonist with nothing particularly memorable about her, and her crush/boyfriend just seems too perfect. The story as a whole is unrealistic too; usually couples get to know each other a little bit before they start dating. The exceptions mostly lie with adults, though, not teenagers. Also, most couples don't kiss right after they start dating. Maybe you could have a kiss on the cheek or hand.

If you want to continue with this, I suggest you use this as a beginning to something with a deeper story. Maybe this dude is actually an abusive boyfriend who puts Emily in danger. Maybe it falls back to classic forbidden love. I don't know, think of something. What you've got right now is a skeleton; try to add meat to it.

Come find me if you have any questions!

-Elinor xo

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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I loved it, but for me the MC was way too excited about this. I think you can do better than this. The beginning can be more better, more slower and understandable. Your spelling also needs help. The characters are a blank to me. All we know is that the MC is Emily Jones and she really really likes this boy and so does he. just re-read it and you may know what we are talking about, great idea More description too! Just needs major editing! Good Luck!
Nike :)
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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I love it, forest. It is an absolutely nice short story. I want you to write more. You should. It is really good.
Bella




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this is really good. I love it a whole lot.
Yes, I love him. Yes, I can never have him. Yes, I don't care.
Love can't be controlled.



I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!
— Feltrix