Gala Academy(Prolouge)-Revised Version

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I hope you enjoy the Prologue of my newest possible work.
Chapter 1 is coming very soon.


"Long ago in a time of war, the gods were fighting over dominion of a planet called Reins. Reins was created by Orleos, the father of the gods. This planet resting at the center of the universe was home to no one. It was Orleos's power, contained into a physical form. He left it behind when he departed from the universe, leaving it alone for anyone to claim.

So the war began. All the god's wanted Orleos's infinite power and wisdom for their own. Each possessing a different motive, some good but most evil. In the final battle of the War of Gods, seven different gods made homes on the planet and each held their own area of it. The war ended in a fierce clash between the gods at Reins north pole.

With all their might and using all their strength the gods attacked at the same time. The impact cause the planet to fall apart, splintering into thousands of pieces, each glowing with an intense light. A few small patches of the planet remained intact and served as a reminder of what they had lost.

When the planet fell apart and those tiny particles of light floated stalled, the gods frantically gathered them up, hiding them in various parts of their own domain. The war then raged on once again. Each god creating its own planet surrounding what was left of Reins.

The gods soon realized they could not use the particles of light they gathered from the shattered planet of Reins. So each god created their own species, humans being one of them, to reproduce and allow them to make enough host that were capable of holding the power of Reins. An army for each to control. They knew that not every person in their species, even those they tried to create themselves, could not wield the power. So now, whenever a new child is born each species must present them to their god, and see if they can obtain the light. Those who who can receive the light and harness it's powers are called Specials.

Not long after the creation of the species, they began to make towns, cities, but then started to develop free will that they hadn't previously had. They had evolved. Each with a different government, a different ruler. There were even some who rebelled against the gods, and with their new technology began to travel to what was left of Reins and make a home there. Species living together in harmony, no longer under the rule of the gods. The gods didn't dare attack, or they risked destroying the very thing they had been fighting for centuries to control.

The gods worried that soon, the Specials might even have the power to destroy them as well. This fear forced many of the gods to become allies in order to stand up to any threat the rouge Specials might pose, as well as give them the upper hand in any future battle of the gods.

These planets believe they're at peace with each other. The gods didn't anticipate they would grow at such an alarming rate, and learn to communicate with each other so easily. But now, after centuries of peace the gods are ready to reclaim their armies and finish what they started so long ago.


Coming Soon
Chapter 1
Friends, Lovers, Enemies


Oh yes, I almost forgot. In the future, i.e Chapter 1, I will along with posting the story here, be giving you a link to download my yWriter story file. This way you can it's many resources to read and review as well as correct, make suggestions from their. I know some people prefer this, and yWriter even has an option to hear the story instead of read it(I have to record me reading it aloud, of course). So I hope you enjoy this awesome edition and use it yourself! yWriter is an amazing writing tool.
Last edited by Derek on Thu Apr 15, 2010 3:55 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Derek wrote:I hope you enjoy the Prologue of my newest possible work.
Chapter 1 is coming very soon.


"Long ago in a time of war, the gods were fighting over dominion of a planet called Reins. Reins was created by Orleos, the father of the gods. This planet resting at the center of the universe was home to no one. It was Orleos's (Since this is a proper noun, it's acceptable to put a 's even though it ends with an s. power, contained into a physical form. He left it behind when he departed from the universe, leaving it alone for anyone to claim.

So the war began. All the gods wanted Orleos's infinite power and wisdom for their own. Each possessed a different motive, some good but most evil. In the final battle of the War of Gods, seven different gods made homes on the planet and each held their own area of it. The war ended in a fierce battle Word repetition. between the gods at Reins north pole.

With all their might and using all their strength the gods attacked at the same time. The result of this was worse then they could imagine. Awkward sentence. Revise. The gods escaped the planet as it began to fall apart, splintering into thousands of pieces, each glowing with an intense light. A few small patches of the planet remained intact and served as a reminder of what they had lost.

When the planet fell apart and those tiny particles of light floated their ajar I'm pretty sure you used the word ajar wrong. And I don't get "their ajar". 0o, the gods frantically gathered them up, hiding them in various parts of their own domain. The war then raged on once again, each god creating its own planet surrounding what was left of Reins.

The gods soon realized they could not use the particles of light they gathered from the shattered planet of Reins. So each god created their own species, humans being one of them, to reproduce and allow them to make enough hosts that were capable of holding the power of Reins. An army for each to control. They knew that not every person in their species, even those they tried to create themselves, could wield the power. So now, whenever a new child is born they They here refers to the gods, which is not good. Fix your pronouns. must present them to their god, and see if they can obtain the light. Those who who can receive the light and harness it's powers are called Specials.

Not long after the creation of the species, they began to make towns, cities, but then started to obtain I don't think obtain is the right word. free will that they hadn't previously had. They had evolved. Each with a different government, a different ruler. There were even some who rebelled against the gods, and with their new technology began to travel to what was left of Reins and make a home there. Species living together in harmony, no longer under the rule of the gods. The gods didn't dare attack or they risked destroying the very thing they had been fighting for centuries to control.

The gods worried that soon, the Specials might even have the power to destroy them as well. This fear forced many of the gods to become allies in order to stand up to any threat the rouge Specials might pose, as well as to give them the upper hand in any future battle of the gods. Though they did not forget even as allies, they were all fighting for the same power. Awkward sentence.

These planets believe they're at peace with each other. The gods didn't anticipate they would grow at such an alarming rate and learn to communicate with each other so easily. But now, after centuries of peace the gods are ready to reclaim their armies and finish what they started so long ago.


Coming Soon
Chapter 1
Friends, Lovers, Enemies


Oh yes, I almost forgot. In the future, i.e Chapter 1, I will along with posting the story here, be giving you a link to download my yWriter story file. This way you can it's many resources to read and review as well as correct, make suggestions from their. I know some people prefer this, and yWriter even has an option to hear the story instead of read it(I have to record me reading it aloud, of course). So I hope you enjoy this awesome edition and use it yourself! yWriter is an amazing writing tool.


First things first.

Why now of all times do the gods wish to reclaim what was once theirs?

And yeah. So far that's the only hole I poked.

PM me if you hae questions.

Sincerely,

Kara
"The moral of this story, is that if I cause a stranger to choke to death for my amusement, what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t tell me who ordered you to kill Colosimo?“

-Boardwalk Empire

Love, get out of my way.


Dulcinea: 2,500/50,000




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I'm finally here! Sorry I didn't get to it sooner.

So I enjoy reading your fantasies. Not gonna lie. It always has that traditional fantasy feel, and yet you always have some sort of unique twist that makes it unique. It's refreshing, to say the least!

When it comes to starting your stories though, you rush through them. xD You're excited as I am when it comes to your stories, maybe even more so! This prologue is giving us an entire history lesson, so its best to take your time if you plan on keeping it. What I mean by that last part is you can probably get away without having this "history lesson," if you will, and tie it into the rest of the story. Like some wise-ol' geezer who's so old, he knows all about the creation of the world. (Doesn't have to be that cliche. xD But you know what I mean, hopefully!)

To review further into the prologue, there are some confusing points here and there. How did Orleos "depart from the universe" if he's basically the Zeus here? He has infinite power and wisdom, so how'd he disappear? Or why? The gods wouldn't want that power if it was what killed Orleos, would they? And if so, why do they want it so badly?

Then in the middle of the prologue, we go into a most basic of basic battle outlines. Booo. Gods are duking it out here! If we're going to talk about gods fighting each other, you should make it more interesting! When I read it, I had Professor Binns (from HP? I think that's his name. The ghost professor.) reading it in the back of my mind, and we all know how boring a teacher he is.

And now I have to go to class, so I best wrap things up here. Those are my thoughts, but I think it's awesome that you have a good understanding of your story's background. That's something most of us forget to do when starting a story!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.



I want to see people turn and writhe; make them feel things they cannot see and sometimes do not know.
— Anna Held