Untitled, Chapter One; Corren (edited)

I know this is kind of short...

Chapter One; Corren

The blanket of fog over the port was the early grey of dawn. The air hung heavy with moisture, clammy to the touch. It clung to my skin like cold hands I couldn't pry off. It made me uneasy, I was crippled in the fog. I couldn't see the guards from my rooftop perch, which was never a good sign. They were like hawks, waiting to sour down on a defenseless rabbit. With my good luck charm and trained falcon, I was far from defenseless, but a rabbit still the same. I was their game; my blood their prize.
Montsu, meaning "Swift one" in Churon, my native language, circled overhead. He wheeled when he saw me and screeched.
"Fly! The men with the sharp sticks come to your roost!" Montsu thought to me.
At any other time, I would have laughed at his crude translation of swords, but the dire situation was no time to make jokes. I chastised myself for being so stupid, I had left myself no escape. The only way off this rooftop was down the adobe steps that resounded with the heavy footfalls of the guards. Through Montsu's eyes, I could see my face was ashen as I lept off the roof, in an ark of fearless defiance of gravity. I landed suddenly, stumbling on a garden balcony, common among nabobs. I thanked my gods for this miracle decked out in rose trellises.
"There he is!" yelled a voice I had hoped to never hear again. And I ran.

This is good and original! I like how the hawks can talk to him (Corren?)
And some ways you could improve ....

It clung to my skin like cold hands I couldn't pry off. The fog made me uneasy. I was crippled in the fog.

You repeated fog a lot here, you could replace the word 'fog' in the second sentence with 'it'.

I also think you could give more detail on things, like what time period this takes place at, or where the setting is.

Since this is so short, I'm going to be really picky!

The blanket of fog over the port was the early grey of dawn. The air hung heavy with moisture, clammy to the touch. It [Just two problems witht this - one, fog is moisture, so that's kind of self-explanatory, and two, you can't touch air] clung to my skin like cold hands I couldn't pry off. The fog made me uneasy.; I was crippled in the fog it. I couldn't see the guards from my rooftop perch, which was never a good sign. They were hawks, waiting to sour <--I think this is a typo? down on a defenseless rabbit. With my good luck charm and trained falcon, I was far from defenseless, but a rabbit still the same. I was their game; my blood their prize.

Montsu, meaning "Swift one" in Churon, my native language, circled overhead. He wheeled when he saw me and screeched.

"Fly! The men with the sharp sticks come to your roost!" Montsu thought to me. [Maybe their thoughts should be in Italics]

At any other time, I would have laughed at his crude translation of swords, but in this dire situation there was no time to make jokes of. I chastised myself for being so stupid.; I had left myself no escape [Wouldn't this have occured to her before?]. The only way off this rooftop was down the adobe steps that resounded with heavy footfalls getting closer and closer [I would find some other way to reword this so it's not so awkward. Example: The only way off this rooftop was down the adobe steps, which echo any sound and would surely give away my presence]. Through Montsu's eyes, I could see my face was ashen as I lept off the roof, in an ark of fearless defiance of gravity. I landed suddenly, stumbling on a garden balcony, common among nabobs. I thanked my gods for this miracle decked out in rose trellises.

"There he is!" yelled a voice I had hoped to never hear again. And I ran.

Overall, even though there's not much here, I do like it. It caught my interest. I like the bird-theme you've got going, although I was a bit confused. Are they shape-shifters? Actual birds? Maybe you'll clarify further into the story. And Corren - is that the main character? I'm assuming Corren is a male, as well. Just need to give us those little details sometime.

Keep writing.

KJ

Moved from Fantasy Short Stories to Fantasy Novels, since this is a first chapter.

Thanks everyone. Just to be clear, Corren and the guards are human. I don't think that was clear in the story. I used a lot of simalies with birds, so it probably wasn't obvious.