Butterfly, Fly

It sat on my hand,
the beautiful creature,
its wings in a flutter,
with all of its features.

The orange surrounding
a coat of dark black,
with white speckles going down
the spine on its back.

I stared at its small little pupils,
its eyes,
making note of the tiny
and interesting size.

For a second I thought
it stared right back at me,
but if only this butterfly
could see the beauty I see.

I felt it move quickly
on the tip of my finger,
knowing that it wouldn't
stay long there and linger.

It flew away
into the bright blue sky,
knowing that it would try
to fly very high.

Thanks for reading, please comment, and press the 'like' button if you like the poem!!
-Jane

The poem is small and sweet, with little bite-sized stanzas - much like a butterfly itself. However, that means that you've got to phrase everything in such a way that every line, every stanza counts and means something to us. Currently, you describe a little butterfly sitting on your hand, and flying away. That, to me, is a one-dimensional image. Put a bit more intellect into this: were your butterfly a metaphor for something, what would that metaphor MEAN? Also, think about each phrase you're putting into this. If you want to say 'bright blue sky,' do NOT say: 'bright blue sky.' This is cliche, so sounds bland, less sincere, even if that is exactly what you're trying to describe. Describing the same thing in different ways is the art of poetry, so conjure up fantastical images in your mind - the blue-winged sky, the saucer sky of sapphire, the fish-finned sky...

Good luck with this, and I must say, that little elephant emoticon is really inappropriate for the poem. Poor butterfly, getting squashed!

I really like this poem, it makes me think happy thoughts!

I would advise, like Navita has said, to make some sort of meaning into your poem, as this can help to really affect the reader, and get them more intrested and gripped by the writing and the images that in portrays inside their heads.

Continue writing though, this is great

...hehe, i just remember that my sister has a phobia of butterfly's, she has a permanant vendetta against them

Thanks for the crits!!

I really liked the imagery in this poem. I felt like I could actually think of what type of butterfly it really which aided in picturing the rest of the poem. I have one tiny nitpick. In the last stanza is that "if" supposed to be "it"? It would make way more sense as it talks about the butterfly flying away. Good job!

Thanks, thehobbitgangster, for pointing that error out because I didn't notice it before. Just fixed it!

It was really pretty. It made me think of monarch butterflys. *likes* thank you for writing this. It made my day.

-Crescent

Its nice. Made me think of Alice in Wonderland, at the end of the movie with the butterfly.

-Pandacary

Hi Jane

Now, this has nice images associated with it. But it's a very simple image and a deeper meaning can be very easily associated with it, yet no meaning is there. It's like placing a big leaf over a hole, it's covered but the hole is still there. When the reader comes along they fall into the hole because there's nothing inside. Now, fill that hole with something, pillows, water, gummy bears you choose. As long as you have something consistent the reader can delve into you've done something right.


Now, what message can you associate to this butterfly? It's delicate, beautiful, slightly grotesque when up close. There's so much you can associate it with.

It can be a simple extended metaphor where you describe something else by describing the butterfly. Or you can talk about a story of the butterfly flying away to a story of some sort by implying the story with your words and the way you express those words.

Say you take the generic, portrait of a girl looking for freedom.

The girl in your head is a ginger? Instead of saying the butterfly is orange, say it is ginger or something along those lines. Carefully think about how you match up the story of the butterfly to the story of your choice.

I hope that helps. Good luck.

Kamas