Dying Hope

This is a short story that I'm writing for Language Arts class.

I'll post the full story when I finish it.

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She steps onto the cold tile floor and pads across the room. She silently sits on the plush window seat that faces the park. She inhales shallow breaths because she is on the 12th floor and heights terrify her.
She turns away from the window and glances at the white walls. The tiny room is scaring her already, but what is even scarier to her is the reason why she’s in the room – she’s a cutter.
She closes her eyes. Visions of a razor, scratches, blood and lies fill her head. Lying got her nowhere. It only pushed her further into the darkness.
Her eyes snap open and she traces the scars that trail across her body. She knows she came close to dying. What had stopped her?
Someone must have found her because the last thing she remembered was falling to the floor of her bedroom. When she woke up, she was bandaged and being wheeled to the white room. She then realizes that the plastic-filled room makes it suicide proof.
A knock sounds on the door and a nurse comes in. “We are here to help you.”
Thoughts buzz through her head. Do I want help? Why didn’t I die like I was supposed to?
She forces a smile for the nurse, while she keeps struggling to hide her pain.

Hello! This piece has potential. I think it's really good that you wrote it in present tense because it makes the reader feel more like they're really there. In the first couple of paragraphs however, you start sentences with "she" a lot and it gets a bit repetitive, so maybe try to change it around a bit. Also, you tell us that the girl is afraid of heights, and you say this outright. You don't have to do that - show us by saying something like how she looks down out of the window and it makes her dizzy, and she turns away anxiously, or something. Saying something like that will let the reader figure it out for themselves without telling them outright, and it's also a lot more fun to describe. Also, what scares her about the room? The smallness - is she claustrophibic? The emptiness, the loneliness? More emotion would also be good, and we get some of this at the end, but I want more. I like your piece, and that's why I want more - more emotions, more description, more everything!

I agree with Matt. This story definitely has potential. I can't help but wonder, though, if you've made it too obvious. You give us one paragraph to guess where this girl is. Give us more. Tell us more direct details of the room. Give us a showing of what's below her when she looks out the window. What is she wearing? I hate to think that you gave away that she's a cutter too fast. What if you simply hinted at it instead of saying, "I'm a cutter"? Would that ruin the piece or make it more gratifying to read and figure out. What if you wrote the whole piece without telling us she's a cutter and instead showing us with flashbacks.

Obviously you're the writer and you've made a good start here. - you can chose where to go with this next. Ultimately, this character has dimensions and I want to know more about her so you did something right! Keep writing. PM me if you have any questions.

I think you need to elaborate on what and how she ended up in the suicide proof room. But otherwise I liked it.