Mark of love

That tingling in your throat,
Yet somehow you don't choke,

The bounce in your stride,
You're filled up with pride,

This is the mark of love,
You feel like you're a dove,

You just want to fly,
Up soaring through the sky,

You've burst out of your bubble,
Yet managed to stay out of trouble,

You smile at small things,
Ready for what life brings,

This is the mark of love,
You feel like you're a dove.

Hey, Elf! Here it is, upon request.

First, I want to start off by wondering why authors of poetry seem to think that their poetry is one long sentence or does not need punctuation. Poems differ from prose because of the rhythm, tone, and fact that it is divided into stanzas. Other then that, they are the same. Therefore, you should use proper punctuation. Each mini stanza of yours is a sentence, so it would be comma, period, comma, period, instead of comma, comma, comma, period.

On another note, the poem was pretty bland. Your imagery was nice, but I didn't really find the subject matter intriguing or original enough to keep me interested. It was generic, dear. Love being compared to flying, It's all been done before. Maybe you could take character into account a bit more and show us who the two characters are and what they're like so we really feel the emotional bond.

PM me if you need anything.

-Elinor xo

Like Elinor above I found this to be another bland love story. I also like the imagery but that's about it. I think that you should make it a story, and it doesn't have to rhyme you know. Some of your rhyme just skips around so I don't know what else to say.

Keep Writing

-Flower-

Greeting Eflwriter I'm LastPaladin, and like Flower and Elinor said this is nothing really, you don't make us feel anything you break the most important rule in poetry, 'Show don't tell' and this leaves much to be desired. You neglect to give us anything to see insisting to give cliche feeling, cliche love tale. Imagery, metaphors and similes, bring us in. Shakespere sonnets are popular because he brought people into them, he allowed people to feel what he felt. You did none of this, and sadly because of this this trite attempt and the rhyming traps you to further this critique, you chose to rhyme in each stanza so you trapped yourself by end.

I'm sure you can do better, but this here did nothing.

Hope this helps.

Hai! Classy here!


So, the first thing I thought when I read this was commas, commas, commas. Punctuation is better than no punctuation, but more-than-necessary punctuation is worse than no punctuation, if that makes sense.

Anyways, let me ask you this question: What sets this poem aside from others? I have to tell you, not much.

How many times have you read a poem with the rhyme of sky and fly? Or love and dove? Let me just say that I have read a lot of them.

And love, love is a big topic to write poems on, so you need to stand out! Here are some suggestions on how you could do that:

Personalize it! Bring out a character in this.

Instead of just feelings, show us a scene.

Better vocabulary. Yours isn't bad, but you should try to use words or phrases poetic and original!

___

Also, be sure to watch syllables. The last two lines don't flow. I would try to eliminate a few syllables in the last line so that it matches the line before it a bit more.

Overall, I think you captured the essence of love pretty well. You made me crave love with this poem, which is fantastic. You made it seem like it's a beautiful thing, and that everyone can get it. That's what I want to read about. Even though love is an overused topic, I still love reading about it!

Keep writing,

Classy