Liar

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I’m a liar. If every time a lie fell out of my mouth I had a piece of candy my teeth would have rotted out a long ago. Of course I don’t really eat candy (that’s a lie FYI). I also have this thing for girls. I like to mess with their heads. I know I’m hot and I know what they want, but I don’t really give it to them. I just pretend they’re what I want then never call them back again. It messes their pretty little heads up real good. It makes for a real good time too.
So when I walked in The Green Turtle Bar and Grill and saw her for the first time I was considering playing my usual game. I sat down and tried to catch her eye but she wasn’t glancing around the room like the other single women were, making it hard to grab her attention. A waitress flitted to where I sat and eagerly took my order. I looked up at her wondering why she hadn’t left already. She was twirling her hair around her finger and smiled down shyly. I didn’t notice any heart shaped pendants around her neck or rings on her fingers -general signs that a woman wasn’t single- and it clicked. She was trying to flirt with. me
“Miss,” I said cutting off whatever she was babbling about. “Do you know that lady there?” I pointed to her, the one I noticed on the way in. She was seated at little way down the bar with a glass of champagne. The waitress looked at her and scowled.
“No, sir…” her voice died off as if expecting me to supply a name. When I didn’t she continued, “Would you like to send her a drink? I’ll tell her it was from a handsome gentleman but not from anyone in particular.” She winked as if I was supposed to know what that meant. I thought about it for a moment.
“Sure. Send her another of whatever she’s drinking.” The waitress scribbled a note on her pad then walked away, deflated. I watched the waitress pour a glass of expensive looking champagne. It was a curious choice of the girl to be drinking that, but some people just had a taste for it.
She turned in her seat and I could see her more clearly. She was wearing a strapless black ensemble, that was ruffled and stopped just below her knees. The black was shocking against her ivory skin but it was a beautiful combination, that highlighted her honey hair. She looked decent and strong-willed. She looked like one of those girls who could honestly say she didn’t need my attention. And she didn’t look like she wanted it either. When the bartender brought over the drink I’d ordered for her she looked irritated. She didn’t even accept it graciously, She huffed and crossed her arms in agitation when he it left there anyway, after she’d already said no.
I didn’t understand. Maybe it was because she hadn’t met me, hadn’t seen me yet. I thought maybe I should go talk to her. But then I saw it. It sparkled beautifully. A single diamond set in a platinum band. A classic. An engagement ring. It explained the champagne. She was toasting. I looked at the man seated next to her. The way he looked at her. So loving and tender. She was definitely his, and the look in his eyes almost made me sick. Love. Gross, I thought.
I ate my dinner quickly, without looking at her. Then left, cutting my losses before they began. I was frustrated with myself. I didn’t understand why I was so upset by this unforeseen turn of events. People got married. All the time in fact. Why was it such a big deal that she was in love? That she would give herself to him completely in a few months’ time? It was ridiculous. I didn’t even know her name. My plans ruined for the evening, and not having anywhere else to go, I decided to drop by George’s house. He would know what to do.

***


**Please comemnt
rise and shine
and open up your eyes
to give this world some color
shine on diamond eyes
seperate the space
between love and lies

3393 words




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Points 4694
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I like! it has a good plot, like a serial liar or something. Anyways nitpicks...
shineondiamondeyes wrote:She was trying to flirt with. me

no period between with and me
shineondiamondeyes wrote:seated at little way down the bar

a) seated a little way down the bar
b) seated at the bar, a little ways down

shineondiamondeyes wrote:It was a curious choice of the girl to be drinking that

It was a curious choice, for the girl to be drinking that? i just dont like the wording here.

shineondiamondeyes wrote: She looked decent and strong-willed. She looked like one of those girls who could honestly say she didn’t need my attention. And she didn’t look like she wanted it either. When the bartender brought over the drink I’d ordered for her she looked irritated.


You keep on saying "she looked". Repetition= bad.

shineondiamondeyes wrote:But then I saw it. It sparkled beautifully. A single diamond set in a platinum band. A classic. An engagement ring. It explained the champagne. She was toasting.


Maybe you should combine some of these. It makes. For alot. Of sentences. Don't you. Think?
shineondiamondeyes wrote:My plans ruined for the evening,


My plans were ruined.

Okay im done! (sorry :))
It was pretty good, I hope you write more so i can find out whats going on
Zib
"His poetry was terrible. It sounds like he ate a dictionary and started vomiting up words at random."




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Points 49725
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Pretty good! Interesting development and characters. It flowed nicely and was pretty good! Here is a little thing that wasn't perfect though.

If every time a lie fell out of my mouth I had a piece of candy my teeth would have rotted out a long ago.


I know what you are saying if I think hard, but the sentence doesn't make much sense. I think you should have worded along the lines of, "If I ate a piece of candy every time a lie fell from my mouth, my teeth would have rotted out long ago". It makes more sense that way.

I believe dear Zibbie covered the rest. Give yourself a pat on the back. This was pretty good! Write more, my friend. Write more.
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
http://veryrandompickle.blogspot.com/



"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore