The Elemental Quest - The Immortal Seven (Chp 1 & 2)

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So heres a fantasy story being created by me. Not much of a pro job, just another one of my many experiments. These are the first 2 Chapters. Based on reader reviews, I might just give out more Chapters . . .

The Elemental Quest
The Immortal Seven

Chapter 1 ‘The Beginning’

It all started, in an unknown era, when a Great War was being fought. This war was known as the Elemental War. It was the greatest war ever fought in the history. The Greatest Warriors among all had taken part in this war. This war symbolized Power, Dignity, Passion and the most important Immortality. The last one standing was to be known as the Immortal. But, all this came to an end, when a group of Unknown Warriors arrived on the battlefield. Everyone witnessed their mind blasting powers. Powers that were more than enough to bring every creature of Eden down to its knees. After conquering the Great War, these warriors gave rise to a new reign of terror all over the universe. Even the strongest of all were proved unmatched in front of these Seven Immortals.

Was this the destiny of all living beings in space? Was this the end of everything? Did this signify pure evil rule that could never be stopped?

Many agreed to these questions and accepted their destiny as slaves. But there was one amongst millions who thought of breaking this immortality. His success in this quest was questioned. People started referring to him as a person with no future. Were the people correct? Was this quest just another fail attempt, an attempt that could hardly scratch the Immortals . . .


Chapter 2 ‘The Rise’

The Immortal Seven continued their reign all over the Universe. One after another, planets were constantly destroyed. Endless lives were being banished in the void. It was the beginning of an end.

During this quest of theirs in destroying every mortal, they came across one of their final prime targets. The target was the largest planet in space, also known as Zion. It was ruled by Zoran, the Zionian King. It was Zoran’s army that never bowed down before the Immortals. But like every mortal, with the arrival of the Immortals, Zoran’s death was nearing. The Immortals finally raided Planet Zion. Within a few moments, the whole of the planet was zapped into a burning piece of thrash. Every creature on Zion was destroyed ruthlessly. Only Zoran was left alive. Zoran hid from the Immortals for many days, but soon the Immortals caught hold of him.

Right before Zoran was crushed by the evil warriors; he put all his energy in a single aura and threw this aura in the deepest and darkest corners of space. And he spoke his final words . . .

“Be prepared fellow warriors. You might be immortal, but you just might not know, there is a step ahead of it. Maybe in future you will witness a power far greater than Immortality. A power far greater than imaginable . . .”

With these final words Zoran got killed. The Immortals didn’t bother thinking about his words and carried on with their evil deeds. But was Zoran speaking the truth? If there was something with such great power then it might just prove to be the end of it all . . . .

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Upcoming chapters:

Chapter 3 ‘Another Immortal?’
Finally the Seven Immortals meet an arch rival. A rival whose identity is unknown. Might he just be their worst nightmare? Keep reading in future to find out!

Chapter 4 ‘The Beginning’
The time when the Immortals were born. How were they born? why were they born? Were they born Immortals? If not, how did they become Immortal? All Questions answered in this chapter . . .

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This was just a part of the whole story. In future Chapters great battle s will be fought, with the Immortals and with the Unknown Warrior.

Kindly comment! :)




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Hello!

Welcome to YWS, a superb writing site :)

Hmm. All I'm seeing here is backstory – some awesome, fantastic, thought-through backstory, but backstory nevertheless. It's not action happening here, now (the part that would normally interest readers; a proper start of the story). We're being told what the story will be about, what happened prior to the beginning (which is interesting, but it's not really the story itself, is it?). How many books do you know of that start out like this?

My suggestion is, squeeze these two chapters into a prologue-ish things. I'm getting a telling-of-a-myth vibe that will be important, integral to the proper story itself. But I kinda want that story to start, you know?

Zoran dies. That could be a turning point of sorts – end of backstory, start of here, now that mostly interests the reader. Leave off the narration: happened eons past, because then it'll continue too smell of backstory. Let the reader discover the world for herself! Harry Potter didn't start off with Hogwarts, A History on the first pages. Rather, the MC went to that school and details were woven into the plot. In the meantime we started to care both about the plot and Harry!

So much for actually showing what's happening – because what is, I like. Interesting plot, cool idea.

Thanks for posting,
Esme




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Esmé brings up a good point that I wanted to address upon reading this. I like the ideas that you're giving us, but since all it is is backstory, perhaps it would be better to lump it all into a single chapter. One other thing I wondered was where this is all taking place, right at the beginning. Also, it feels like you're putting a lot of emphasis on the main villains; it's like a cloud that doesn't let a ray of light through. Some more details on Zoran's 'Aura' would also be nice.

A suggestion of mine would be to make all of this part dialogue-- a character, probably some kind of old wise lore keeper is informing our main characters of all this. Then we can get into the action. :smt001
Winter sun catches, dog fox through thin hedges;
throws his long shadow north, to the emptiness.




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Hello friend! Good to see another newb like me!
Just to agree with the two good chaps above me, I like your J.R.R Tolkien approach to telling a myth, but... He DID make a prequel to Lord of the Rings, so... I dunno. Personally I think prologues are overrated. I don't even read 'em. :P
These two EXTREMELY SHORT chapters seem more of a plot summary introduction type thing you would find on Wikipedia were you to Google this fine book. Its more of an idea that a story. Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea, but you have to cultivate that idea before you can make it into a book. You know what I'm saying?
Anyway keep up the good work! Give this some work< I like the idea!
"Now, off you trot!" - Professor Dumbledore
"We are the Knights who say NI!" - Monty Python
"I'm not dead yet!" ^^^ that handsome chap




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Alryt guyz. I will kinda remake the whole thing. Thank you for comments! :)



I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest