Music is life,love and competiton x

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Hi not much here because on thee iPod but will update soon as xxxxxxxxxxxx........…............. Daisy-Rae's P.O.V: Isat up looking at the clean crisp American sky it was so diffrentt to the English one, English skys wear usually dull and grey expecialiy If you lived in Wigan. It was hard to think that just over sixteen hours ago I was waiting for a plane in Manchester airport to take me to Washington D.C. Moving in with my aunt ally was a big decision but I wanted a new start in life after all I only have to do a few months in school because in seventeen neally eighteen, I can take driving lessons too! So moving to America opened up a few doors for me. My aunt lived on a large estate made up by just four houses which formed a squre then in the middle there were a few car parking spaces surrounded by low standing Walls one of which I was sat on now, the the rest of the inside was grass and crazy pathing. I hopped of the wall and admired the sceanary then walked back into the house and up to my room my auntie ally had been worki
g hard On my room, it looked amazing aqua and baby pink walls surrounded me, my bed was in the corner with matching sheets a tv stood in a cabanet surrounded by all my books,DVDs and CDs then my wardrobe and chesterdraws stood together next to the cabanet, stood against the wall next the my bed then was a desk with my laptop and pencil case parked on top and my guitars (electric and acoustic i can both play) and keyboard at the side of the desk. I admired the room for the millionth time today and noticed my fravouite feature if the room...the window seat built into a large curved window which then had a large window to climb out of onto a beautiful balcony in one sense I felt like a Juliet waiting for ro
eo.... ............. Thankyou plz comment x
Last edited by butterflyflutterby2 on Wed Apr 07, 2010 4:45 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Hey there, Butterfly.I'm here to review.
So I understand that this is supposed to be a diary entry, but where are the end marks? Seriously I only see 2. There are alot of runons. I have no clue what a GHD is, so that;s confusing. This needs some serious work. Re-read it before you post, and make sure your grammar is sharp otherwise it will be an eyesore which it is right now.
Hope I helped!
~Danie
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My first and main suggestion for this is to proof read, a lot. I don't usually complain about bad spelling, but this is full of typing errors that, if you missed them, the YWS Spellchecker would have picked up on. There's one or two random capital letters in the middle of sentences, not to mention the sudden line break in an otherwise bulked up paragraph.

Remember, writing isn't all about getting the story perfect. You've got to make it presentable to your readers. That means proper paragraphs, no silly mistakes, and no chatspeak.

-Ten
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What holds you betwixt panic and serenity? That is, if it's not among the many querulous quagmires unfit for elaboration.
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