The new boy part 2 of chapt 1

Hi it's only gunna be short as on iPod but hear it goes. We got talking after that I had to admit we sounded like two old ladies until the subject of my mom came up I mentioned that I didn't have a mom or a dad then his lime green eyes caught my sea blue ones and said " oh, sorry I didn't want to come around looking like I belived any gossip I got told sorry," I told him not to worry and that why would I bothered about someone dying I didn't even know mom or not? I think that put him in a arkward situation and made him want to get away from me well that's what i thought once he said he had to go so we both turned on each other then walked away I tried to stop tears from taking over me then heard jake calling after me, I turned on my heels and caught his gaze again I stared at him and relized how old he looked for eleven then he stoped staring at me at asked "izzabella, the other part of the rumor is it true?" I looked at him trying to give him a look that could say a million words and tell him it was true..then turned around and walked away trying again not to let tears fill my eyes because I was bothered about somebody dying who I had never met and that if my mom had lived how my life would be better than it is now, actually it was somthing i had never considered... I know it's short and I'm not looking for a big long review just a small one please \m/0.0\m/ x

Okay first off this was seriously way to short second it was one huge chunk of unreadable mess- use paragraphs you have space- third it gave me no affect of 'WOW I really want to read more of this'. This composition was pretty weak. So I suggest that you reread your story, separate the block into paragraphs, try to make it more exciting with more details and finally lengthen it a bit- again you have space use it. I'm not trying to mean or anything just helpful so you can get more reviews.