Sometimes I wonder why, why I step on a damp, oozing mire in nothing more than a pair of shorts and a jersey to protect me. Rugby is, well, dangerous and I love it.
However, sometimes I ask myself, in the depths of defeat, what is the point? What is the point in pushing onward when all by my center most drive is forcing itself in the completely opposite direction? These concerns however, are short lived. So it must then be a question of ambition?
Ambition is a funny word, with many ambiguities, and can be defined as: 'An eager or inordinate desire for some object that confers distinction, as preferment, honor, superiority, political power, or literary fame’ I do not think, however, that a definition can do justice to the thing that seems to run my life. It plays a role in everything. The simple fact is that I play Rugby four times a week, I then go to the gym in order to prepare myself for rugby at least four times a week. It also decides what I eat, when I go out, where I go. Almost every single aspect of my life is a consequence of playing Rugby which I play to satisfy my ambition. Personally, it comes as a simple desire to win, emptied of any meaning. This would be a better meaning. This crystalline definition of the secure self comes from William Hurt, the actor and frankly, I adore it.Here is the real underlying factor however, the real clincher. Yes, it can be said that you play such games for teamwork, for the competition, for your mates, but when it really comes down to it, it is whether at the final whistle you like the guy staring back at you in the mirror. This ambition is different for everyone though, as the saying goes, you can’t fake hunger.
You are either ambitious or you aren’t. However, you must not confuse ambition with competitiveness, they are almost completely unparalleled. Competitive people are brash, desperate and will stop at nothing. Ambition is something more enclosed, but for me seems just that bit more significant. Ambition you see, as with beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and everyone’s view of it is different. Deep down, our ambitions, and yours, are intrinsically selfish. And, you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
