Hot Air Balloon

I'm experimenting with a new type of poetry so if it sounds weird let me know!

high up in the air,
a colorful cloud
or messed up rainbow
I can't tell which,
sits upon God's blue sink.
in a jumble of others,
he is alone
making new patterns
of human dreams.
want to hear a secret? I say
I'll be a hot air balloon
and you'll be too
for when we die
we are created anew
high up in the air..........

I thought that the God's blue sink thing was imaginative. Other then that it kind of dragged along, nothing really interesting is going on. My advice is to try again but first, read. If you like experimental styles try Jane Gregory.

You don't need an ellipsis on the end... I don't think poems should trail off, they should end with a bang!

Take the sink metaphor, maybe you should keep it going. If the sky is a sink what are clouds? What is the sun? Are you floating in a full sink? Are the dishes being washed? Is God washing his hands? There's a lot of interesting places you could take this if you extended it.

First up, 'high up in the air' is not the most original line to begin with. perdido said end with a bang, and I will add to that: begin with a bang. Shake us into alertness, jolt our brains a bit, make us IMAGINE something. I liked 'messed up rainbow' and I think it fits but I'm not a hundred percent convinced it works - what exactly is a messed up rainbow? I have never seen one - rainbows are generally quite precise red-orange-yellow-green-blue-violet, don't you think? I also agree that you need to think more about this 'blue sink' of yours...let's see: most people describe the sky as something flat - a blanket, a scroll, a canvas, a page, a quilt, a tabletop. Instead, if you describe it as a sink, you are, in fact, giving it a third dimension, making it more interesting, less flat, with more 'depth' (in the metaphorical sense of the word).

It's a pretty thought of being a hot air balloon, but it needs some depth as well. It's kind of just a random, passing thought right now, like a little kid says to his mommy - 'Look, a hot air balloon! I wanna be one too!' Maybe, once you've set up the scene for a 3D sky, you could talk about all the hidden depths you would discover in the balloon - or if the balloon would be competing with the bubbles of dishwashing liquid in God's blue sink, or if it is a bowl itself to be cleansed there...