My Heart

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Points 3406
Reviews 35
I see you, my heart races,
Skips a beautiful beat.
Every time you smile at me,
I hear it, hear it thump within my chest.

How do you do it?
How do you make me this way?
I suppose I let you,
But willingly.

I feel as though I may explode.
There is an emotion so deep,
Is it a two-way streak?
My mind is reeling.

Maybe it is all in my head,
I don't know.
I hope not,
I don't want it to be.
Last edited by jemjive on Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.




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Gender Female
Points 8414
Reviews 151
Hello jemjive! I'll be your reviewer for today!

This was really good. It really made me think about a guy I really really like. Its true, and it was an awesome poem. I can't wait to read more of your work!
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you,
and hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole... as you flew right through me.


~Sorrow by Flyleaf




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Gender Male
Points 14918
Reviews 384
Beautiful!! It's hard to write 'cause my cousin is messing with my hair....but i'll attempt it!! This poem is actually really ironic for me at the moment, because I just learned something of the sort!
Absolutely beautiful!
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?




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Points 1057
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i really liked this poem espeacially how you just string the order of your emotions together
i really liked it and i think it shows real emotion which is what i believe to make a peom great
keep writing
:D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1136
Reviews 11
Hello!

I enjoyed this poem very much! It was rather good, and I think that it holds a lot of depth for you. The only bad thing I have to say is at times it seemed as though you pushed the poem to ryhme.

Otherwise, great work && keep it up! Can't wait to read more of your work!

:smt001
A delicate word to assure the heart, yet 'forever' means nothing. For; it ended at the start<3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3406
Reviews 35
Haileyanniful, it doesn't rhyme, where are you talking about?
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 42
I really like this. I know exactly how you feel.
Love is beautiful, but what would love be without life?




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Gender Female
Points 12611
Reviews 321
Ok, review time haha, my name is flower and I guess you know why I'm here.

I unlike the others felt no emotion in this. You hear these so much they mean nothing. There is nothing that hasn't been said before in the poem. You need to tell a story, why do you like him, what has happened to make you feel this way? What she was getting at with the rhyme was that it seems like you tried to start it off rhyming and then just quit at the third line. I noticed this to but then saw that it wasn't supposed to rhyme. Anyway I hope I helped. If you have any questions about what I said pm me.

Keep Writing

-Flower-
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.




If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming