Write and Sleep

This is one of the poems I wrote for our English subject.
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I actually wrote a poem about not knowing what to write... similar to this one... and that was my first piece that ever got published so you never know what kind of content is going to get attention. My first read-through I hated how you repeated black chair and black hair at the end of every stanza... but I read it again and there's a certain groove to it... so it has a purpose and I like that. Beyond that, my advice would be to fix the ending. It ends with a pretty weak note.

Hello I'll be your reviewer for today. The repeatition got tedious after a while and it's no way unique. This theme is popular. And well it's zen, I admit but that isn't enough. There also a bit too much navelgazing in this, too much 'I' to do a poem good you need to show not tell. Show us what you're doing through imagery, and this poem never really shows us. It instructs us what you're doing. There is no emotion, we can't feel your frustration.

To explain on this:

I open the ‘Notepad’ and start typing words
I guess this is just because I am bored
I sit still on this lonely black chair
Color would not shade my black hair

See you tell us you're bored but, never show us that. Instead you repeat a needless phrase and diversify it slightly, but without any substantial imagery this come across as totally hollow and devoid of any emotions what so ever.

Poetry should never lock the readers out, but put them in with the story, let them feel and see what happening. This is just a poem which 'navel gazes' and because of that it's weak.

I won't lie, you have potential, but this poem, hardly shows it, I only see it because I used to be like this. Just remember this poetry doesn't need to rhyme.

Hope this helps.

Hello there! Again...

We have essentially identical problems here. You type a story because you are bored. Yes Yes. I can rhyme chair and hair as well.

Let's take a different approach here.

You stare at the screen. How does the screen feel about that? Does it stare back at you? If so, does it stare blankly, lovingly, does it... glare perhaps?

Start with a form/noun, then give it character to help give two things; theme and emotion to the poem.

go go go!

Again, message me with any questions.

Yes, I agree with Hypocrit, that you need some purpose BEFORE you write, but this throws up a problem: what if your poem is about not having any purpose? Then, are you supposed to have a direction with where it's going? I think yes, because even a poem ABOUT purposelessness can have a purpose, and finale to which it tapers.

Also, I got a distinctly 'little girl' feeling from reading your poem - a combination of the rhyme and imagery - just in terms of what I imagine your character to be like. I think that modern rhyming poetry that is good is really hard to find, hard to compose - generally it ends up sounding either like the work of a child, the work for a child, or the work of someone born a hundred years ago. This piece falls into the category of: 'the work that makes me think of a child.' Was this your intended effect?

Note - I don't think I'm necessarily referring to a small child, when I say that - it could be a teenage girl - but I think you understand what I mean.

Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm not really a poet or a poem-writer and I just wrote this (just like what I said) for English so I didn't put so much thought and effort. Anyway, the point of this poem is to express how bored the persona and how boring and pointless the story is, and I would like to share that with the readers...and by reading your comments, I think you all were bored! xD Again, thanks!