I little snippet of my story

This is just a snippet of a much larger project I am working on. I would like your input, I want to know what you liked and what you didn't. I am looking for honest reviews. Be for warned though this is the first draft of this. thanks

Chapter 12
I don't Believe in Destiny

The rains had come early to the arid eastern provinces four months out of every twelvemonth the rains poured down in stinging blinding torrents. Turning the roads to impassable red rivers of mud. The deluge drove all living things, from the fierce armored Carkodile to the graceful Oryx, to the nomadic tribes of the sands, in fact every living thing that galloped, bounded, slithered, crawled, or flew sought shelter. The thirsty ground could not drink up all the water the clouds offered fast enough. Small rills could go in a matter of minutes from barely a trickle to a red roaring wall of water that would kill any poor creature cough in it's path. No man or beast in it's right mind would walk the sand dunes during the rains. The dunes were perilous to travel any day but during the rains it was suicide. The dunes could collapse throwing a poor traveler to his death or because they had become soft with water they would simply swallow the unwary.

The Desert of Yarl was in these the Easter Provinces, it stretched its parched finger into every corner of the east. On a map it looked like a long serpentine dragon, which was appropriate. For the desert one way or another consumed all who entered it's scorching wastes. The only creature who seemed to survive living in the sands was the Gargub Bird who feasted on those who did not. The only humans who made the desert their home for any length of time were the holy men and woman, who had built their monasteries and convents around the few oases.
After the rains the desert of Yarl took on a new face. The rains had given birth to young plants struggling to survive just long enough to produce seed then burnt by the sun to wither and die. In just the few weeks after the rains life exploded on the dunes. For here both plants and animals had to do all their living in a short span of time. It was in these days after the final rains, when the desert took on the appearance of a fertile green plain that the nomads moved in with their flocks and herds. They had been waiting for this time in the inns and small towns that flourished around the deserts skirts.

Hey there! Classy here for a review.

The rains had come early to the arid eastern provinces four months out of every twelvemonth the rains poured down in stinging blinding torrents.

Just wanted to point out the repetiton. I hate repetiton. I feel like it disrupts the flow of a piece. You should consider taking out the second 'rains.' If you're having trouble with finding other words, giving the rain life is a good way to describe natural occurences. If you say "the rain hit the floor. His wild droplets..." (you get the idea) things might seem more exciting. Especially because there's no people in this excerpt.

Speaking of that: I don't think it's a good idea you go so long without any plot. This peice was great; your descriptions were interesting and fun to read. I'm just worried because it's from your novel, and judging by the chapter 12, it's pretty late in your novel. By this point, plot is key. By chapter twelve you should be at least halfway through the story. If you have a lot of descriptions and no plot, a story can get boring, so be careful.

Like I said before, your descriptions were powerful, flowed well, and were fun to read. I was very interested, even though there was no plot or really excitement in this piece. Remember that readers love to read of the plot. Descriptions are important, but the plot is really the most important part of a novel, so keep track of it!

Questions/comments, PM me.

Classy

Hi Thanks for you review.
I was just reading it again and realized I used Rain a few to many times thanks for pointing that out. as for plot, this is just a snippet and I was looking for thoughts on my description as that has always been a weak point for me. there is a plot don't worry! I am going back and forth between two characters and this is the entrance chapter for one. so I had to take the time to tell people where the story is now. thank you again.

Hey! Welcome to the forums shadow! I hope you enjoy yourself.

I thought that this piece was like you said a small chunk of something much much larger. I don't have to much to say really. The detail was phenomenal. These few paragraphs were packed full of information that was presented beautifully. As far as I could tell the sentence structure flowed nicely throughout the story. As for the whole chapter twelve thing someone else mentioned I do think it could be a problem having all these wonderful descriptions so late in the story. Since we obviously haven't read the other chapters I will not make any final judgement as there are many things that could effect having the descriptions so late being a good or bad thing.

Basically it's amazing. Whether you post more to this story or something else I will be looking forward to it. I think you already have a great foundation as a writer.

~Day

hi shadowlight!

You obviously have a clear view of the scene in your mind, and I really felt your passion for describing it. Although not perfect, it certainly was beautiful and vivid. I really admire your colourful imagery of all the water, as well as making the reader feel the heat!

On the topic of plot, it is great to have a quick break from the action to take a moment to reflect and remind the readers of a setting, as long as the overall piece flows. Maybe consider condensing it a little, so that it doesnt disrupt any flow you may have in the
earlier chapters.

All in all, well done! have you posted more of this story? I'd love to read it!