I'll always be here!

Your heart is hallow
And I fallow where you go
I would know if you love me
Nothing in the world would let me know
Nothing in the world would let you go
I love you and you love me and that will always be
And that can never change
But it's in my heart anyway
If you aren't here I'll miss you
If you miss me I'll always be near
Never fear
Never cry and never tear
Because I'm always here!

BlueSkyes99 wrote:Your heart is hallow,
And I fallow where you go.
I would know if you love me,
Nothing in the world would let me know.
Nothing in the world would let you go,
I love you and you love me and that will always be.
And that can never change,
But it's in my heart anyway.
If you aren't here I'll miss you,
If you miss me I'll always be near.
Never fear,
Never cry and never tear.
Because I'm always here!

Your grammer is very sketchy. I put in bold what I think it should be, though.
It's a very cute little piece..and very vague. Maybe you could put more of a ABAB rhyme scheme in it? I almost had to disect the poem to find out how to read it...and that's not a good thing.

Not to be discouraged, though. It was very good, and it did, after some thought, portray a cute little image in my mind. You'll always be there for him, huh? That's sweet.

Thanks

you mean hollow and follow. not hallow and fallow.

hallow means holy

and fallow is an agricultural term. Like the fields are fallow. Its not a verb.

I agree with riot starter, the rhyme scheme is inconsistent. Use more sensory details, things that appeal to human senses. Also, more nouns. More specificity.

Nouns are indeed a common theme today.

And I agree.

Start with a noun, any noun, and relate it's form to your sadness, and then strip the rhyme scheme. Try it with this poem right here.

"Your heart is hollow"

what else is hollow? A bell maybe? An eggshell?

If my heart is a hollow eggshell, where did the yoke go?

So, connect your feeling to a form, a noun, and then explore the feeling by exploring the uses of that noun.

For instance, if your heart was a scratch post, who would be the cat?

Now, play that game with yourself, tie your feeling to a noun, and then pm me if you want another critique after you've loaded it up with more metaphors.

Aw, how cute. You could use some help with grammer, nouns, and spelling. But other than that it's really good. I can see the moral and I can relate to it too. I can see a really good writer coming out of you Just remember that the things need to make sense and spelling!
Good Job!