Imbibe

This is just a rough poem and I decided to get some critique before moving on with it. I hope you like it.


Imbibe

------------------------------

Scarlet waterfall
cascades.
Ricochet -
fusillades
on crystal tulip.

Lingered impression
ascends.
Inhale -
suspends
a refined perfume.

Blood of God and grapes
sipped.
Savour -
gripped
by graceful fingers.

Hey Inkwell!

The thing about this poem is that each stanza contains a completely new idea that you could probably expand into a completely different poem, if that makes sense. I think your strongest imagery, in this case, would be the third one, if only because it has a sense of violence (blood of God) and "Savour" looks very much like "Saviour" so it kind of has a double meaning to it, which is pretty awesome in poetry! The first two simply seem like you're listing things that come to mind when you say the word "wine" so I would probably get rid of it.

Hope that helps!

Hi, I'm Grin and this morning I shall be your reviewer.

I have to agree with Snoink, I love the Savour/Saviour thing you've got going on here, and the separate stanzas could do better as individual poems. And to be honest, I'm not really sure what else I can say that might be considered helpful. You have some excellent imagery here and I really liked your choice of words.

To be honest, the main problem is that there's no obvious connection between the three stanzas. It doesn't quite feel like it all fits together - the only real connection is the structure, and that's not enough to put them together. It just doesn't feel like there's a link between them and it kind of denotes the poem, which in itself is lovely. If you put in another stanza explaining the link, without going into too much detail, it will work really well.

Hope I helped.

~Grin

Well I was inspired mostly by wine tasting as an art form and I wanted to poetically describe my experience. The first stanza was describing the wine being poured, the second describes the wine being smelled, and the third describes the taste.

I can understand why you guys would say what you did and that's why I wanted to get some feedback. Having written the poem it's hard for me to tell what it's like reading it for the first time and not understanding it.

Thanks so much for the thoughtful reviews!