The Fury

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 12534
Reviews 93
I am the wind, the rain, the fury
of the night sky, the stars, the moon
that shines when the sun doesn't
I am the light, the shadows, the hurt
of the souls, the minds, the people
that die a little more each day
I am the unstoppable, the greatest, the noble
history of this perfect sphere called Earth
that has been my dollhouse from day one
but I am slow, I am thick, I am pain
that breaks all love
I can't protect, resist, defend;
for the cyclone likes to rip out hearts.
Last edited by Auteur on Sun Mar 28, 2010 4:54 am, edited 2 times in total.
Most people see what is and never what can be. - Albert Einstein




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5335
Reviews 25
I love it!
Its Brilliant!
So deep!
It gets right down into you.
Fantastic!

xx
(its Kayla btw)

smexay




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 6086
Reviews 43
I love your poem it was beautiful, but i do see how,
"I can't protect, resist, defend
for the cyclone likes to rip out hearts."
relates to the rest of the poem. They all seem to be about what you can do adding a what you can not do at the end ruin the whole fun
when the answer to everything is lost then turn to the question in everything, cause everything is the only place you probably have not search




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Hey Auteur! :D

You have a fantastic last line! The problem is that it's the strongest line of the poem and your title. So I was expecting more. :P

I think it would be cooler if you can start off with that one line and then describe how the cyclone rips out hearts, making it as gory as you can stand. Because, let's face it... describing how mean a cyclone is isn't as effective as showing us exactly how it tears up hearts. ;)

Good luck! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star