Please delete

Thanks Mods.

Hey. You have good writing skills, but no offense or anything, this sounds almost exactly like twilight. There are so many parallels. The MC is pale skinned and so is the vampire. The golden eyes. Her dad not making interesting conversations. The MC having brown eyes.

For the grammar, just read through it a couple of times.
Here are some of the things I found.

Each time I tried to forget him but my brown eyes kept spotting him again and again.

Comma after him.

I hurried and glanced away like I was staring at him.

This sentence is a bit confusing. Maybe you could write it like this "I hurried and glanced away hoping he didn't notice I was staring at him."

As I walked out, I seen my dad's truck and ran over to it and hopped in.

"Saw", not "seen".

“Yeah.” I said even though I knew it was a lie.

Use a comma instead of a period after "yeah".

I grabbed my bag of books and opened the door followed by closing it.

This sentence doesn't flow well. Maybe you could just say "I grabbed my bag of books and hopped out of the car."

Sorry if I was mean or anything.

-Crescent

crescent wrote:Hey. You have good writing skills, but no offense or anything, this sounds almost exactly like twilight. There are so many parallels. The MC is pale skinned and so is the vampire. The golden eyes. Her dad not making interesting conversations. The MC having brown eyes.

For the grammar, just read through it a couple of times.
Here are some of the things I found.

Each time I tried to forget him but my brown eyes kept spotting him again and again.

Comma after him.

I hurried and glanced away like I was staring at him.

This sentence is a bit confusing. Maybe you could write it like this "I hurried and glanced away hoping he didn't notice I was staring at him."

As I walked out, I seen my dad's truck and ran over to it and hopped in.

"Saw", not "seen".

“Yeah.” I said even though I knew it was a lie.

Use a comma instead of a period after "yeah".

I grabbed my bag of books and opened the door followed by closing it.

This sentence doesn't flow well. Maybe you could just say "I grabbed my bag of books and hopped out of the car."

Sorry if I was mean or anything.

-Crescent

I have brown eyes so the main character does lol.
Golden eyes- don't all vampires have golden eyes and and pale skin?

This sentence was a typo, the was is supposed to be a wasnt. I hurried and glanced away like I was staring at him.