Icefire - part 5

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Icefire, part five

Lynn woke with a painful gasp as he started to sit up. His muscles ached, and he slowly probed his body to see if anything was broken. After his examination, when he had determined that everything had been left relatively intact, he gingerly stood and changed into fresh clothes. He opened the bag of icespears and took out the one that he had thrown at the guard. It was encrusted with the dark red blood of the guard, and Lynn felt sick for a minute with regret. He hadn’t really thought when he had thrown the icespear; it was more of a reflex, his arms working in the familiar motions he had practiced throughout his years of training. But this was the first life he had taken, and he vowed silently to himself that it was his last, so long as he could help it. He solemnly wiped the surface clean and replaced it in his belt.

Lynn rose and left his room, had some food, and opened the door of the inn. He stepped out and viewed the surrounding pandemonium expressionlessly. He had expected as much; there were guards and soldiers everywhere, trying to keep as much order as they could amongst the frantic crowd of people. Lynn wended his way through the mass of people until he reached a guard.

“What happened?” he shouted above the racket.

The guard glanced cursorily at him and said, “There was an attack last night. Some Fiamalan blasted through our wall here.” He gestured at the broken ruins of the wall. “Now why don’t you go along,” the guard said, not unkindly. Lynn nodded and left.

“Lynn!” a voice called.

Unused to hearing his name being shouted, Lynn whirled around, eyes roving the crowd for the source. He found it in Peter, who was eagerly approaching. “Lynn!” he repeated, and Lynn had to keep himself from telling the boy to not yell out his name.

“Hello Peter,” he said amiably as the other boy came up to him. “What happened here, do you know?”

Peter nodded. Lynn could tell he was bubbling over with information. “Apparently some thief broke into the keep. The guards say that it was a boy, but then some said that it was a girl, they thought they saw some longer hair. Either way, we know for sure that the thief was from Fiamal. You see, he—or she—used a firebolt and some sort of bomb. The walls were completely blasted apart.”

Lynn widened his eyes. “They have that sort of technology?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

Peter shrugged. “Apparently so,” he said. “Anyways, the thief was very odd. She—or he—stole something from the treasure room, you know the one I showed you yesterday?” Lynn nodded after pretending to recollect for a second. Peter laughed. “I don’t know why anyone would want to steal that old jewel. The thief wasn’t very smart, that’s for sure!”

Lynn glanced at the other boy sharply, but fortunately Peter didn’t see. Affecting a jovial manner, Lynn inquired, “Why do you say that?”

Peter shrugged. “Well, I guess someone would steal something like that for money. But why steal only one?” He glanced furtively around and moved closer to Lynn. “I have another idea, though,” he said in a low voice. Lynn instinctively bent closer. “I think she was after something else, and that she took that jewel by mistake, or to put the guards off her trail. I think she was after the Gem.”

Lynn assumed a puzzled air. “What gem?”

“The Gem. The one of power. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it before!”

Lynn frowned. “Is that the one that controls something?”

Peter nodded eagerly. “Whoever possess it has the ability to control the earth’s core. Just think, if the Fiamalans had that in their hands, they could increase the core to be so hot that it would melt you Tjaeleans and your land!”

Lynn widened his eyes and gaped at Peter. “You don’t say!” he breathed. “Well it’s a good thing she didn’t get it!”

Peter nodded. “Yep, there’s no way she could anyways.”

“Why not?” Lynn asked, trying not to seem too interested.

“Because no one knows where it is,” Peter replied simply.

This time Lynn’s surprise was real. “What do you mean?”

“No one knows where the Gem is located.”

“Not even Queen Jade?”

Peter solemnly shook his head. Lynn was quiet for a bit, and Peter squinted suspiciously at him. “Why does that matter to you?” he asked.

Lynn shook his head. “It doesn’t,” he said easily. “So can you show me where the walls were blasted?”

That diverted Peter’s attention, and he led Lynn away. Lynn’s head was whirling with information. The Gem was still here, and no one knew where it was. Lynn didn’t know where to start to find it. But he felt relieved that the girl hadn’t ended up stealing it after all; actually, her showing up had worked out extremely well for him. She provided the perfect cover for him; nobody would suspect anyone other than the Fiamalan girl who had blasted the walls as being the thief. And that meant that he was still here, to be able to find the Gem, wherever it was, instead of being an accused refugee. Lynn grinned humorlessly to himself as he thought that she had actually helped him. That was another thing that had been bothering him. Why had she left him alive? Lynn had been sure that she was going to kill him, but she had left him. He brushed the thought away and decided to focus on Peter’s incessant rambling.

~~~~~


Amber stared back at the furious Queen Saron.

“But Your Highness, I was not aware of the fact,” she started.

The queen cut her off. “I would think that one of your status and training would have known better,” she said scathingly.

“But the boy had stolen it,” Amber said defensively.

“And you assumed that he had the Gem? You assumed that he knew what he was doing.” Queen Saron snorted. “You fool! Always hot-headed! I should have left you to die as an infant. But no, I took you in, trained you, and made you a member of the Fiamalan Institute of the Red Elite, F.I.R.E. itself. Only the most talented are allowed in that academy. Your first single mission, and you ruined it. Now the Sothilians will know that their most precious possession is going to be stolen.” She started to pace the floor angrily. “Now I suppose we shall have to launch an attack.”

Of course, Queen Saron didn’t mind in the least the idea of attacking Sothil. It was a noteworthy conquest that the bloodthirsty queen eagerly desired to have in her repertoire of defeated cities; besides, with Queen Jade out of the way, perhaps the sacking of Tjaele would also be easier. For some reason the Sothilian queen had always balked at the idea of joining forces with the Fiamalans, and had seemed to support the Tjaeleans. Queen Saron briefly wondered why again, but had no time for such trivial matters. She suddenly turned back to Amber, who had been momentarily forgotten, and continued her tirade.

“I don’t believe how inept you are!” she practically screamed. “You always make such a bloody mess of everything!” Saron turned away and started to give orders to the general, but then suddenly remembered something. “And you disposed of the boy?” she asked.

Amber’s violet eyes flicked up as she looked defiantly at the queen. “Of course,” she replied smoothly. Saron nodded and turned around.

“I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day,” she said imperiously. “You’re a disgrace. Get out!” Amber didn’t even bother to bow as she left to her room, fuming. She slammed the door when she entered and paced angrily.

The queen was always finding fault with her. Amber was always the one who got in trouble and blamed for whatever went wrong. She angrily punched the wall, wincing briefly as her knuckles connected with stone, then sat by her window, looking towards Sothil.

As she did so, she wondered to herself why she had left the boy. Amber frowned; she should have killed him when she had the chance. That principle had been instilled in her from an early age—if she left an enemy alive, there was always the chance he would strike back sometime. But Amber knew that if she got another chance to kill him, she wouldn’t. She had admired the way he had snuck in, how he had leaped from the window, and how he had escaped from the castle. She knew he would’ve been able to return to wherever he came from without getting caught, if it hadn’t been for her, waiting for him in the shadows of the alley. And then, even with certain death in front of him, he hadn’t broken down or given up; he hadn’t even shown any sign of fear at the sudden deadly enemy that had attacked him. Amber scowled to herself; as much as she tried to deny it, she finally acceded that she felt admiration and respect for the Tjaelean boy.

She stared out the window at the setting sun, and suddenly rose to her feet. Sothil would never stand against the sudden, brutal attack of Queen Saron. Not without a warning.
Last edited by Ranger Hawk on Tue Nov 30, 2010 4:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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Okay, here I am for a little review time!

I honestly don't have any nitpicks, I didn't see anything wrong. Yay!

Other than that, I liked the chapter. There wasn't much action compared to the other chapters, so I wouldn't say it's my favourite. However, I loved that both Amber and Lynn got duped :lol:

All in all, great job!
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Well hello there!

I'm glad I found this chapter in the forum. I really like this story and it's a pleasure following it. But would you pm me for the next?

Lynn woke with a painful gasp as he started to sit up. His muscles ached, and he slowly probed his body to see if anything was broken. After his examination, when he had determined that everything had been left relatively intact, he gingerly stood and changed into fresh clothes. He opened the bag of icespears and took out the one that he had thrown at the guard. It was encrusted with the dark red blood of the guard, and Lynn felt sick for a minute with regret. He hadn’t really thought when he had thrown the icespear; it was more of a reflex, his arms working in the familiar motions he had practiced throughout his years of training. But this was the first life he had taken, and he vowed silently to himself that it was his last, so long as he could help it. He solemnly wiped the surface clean and replaced it in his belt.


I absolutely and completely loved this chapter. I love the emotion and the solemness of the situation. It tells us a lot about Lynn also, because so far he's been calm, cool and collected. I could very feel his emotions churning here. Great description!!

“I don’t believe how inept you are!” she practically screamed. “You always make such a bloody mess of everything!” Saron turned away and started to give orders to the general, but then suddenly remembered something. “And you disposed of the boy?” she asked.
Question: if Amber is so inept, what is it that the Queen sent her on such an important mission? Didn'T she have any doubts that Amber would fail? If there's a reason, it might be good to mention it, like, if the Queen considers Amber almost a daughter and she's given her one last chance or something, you know?

The queen was always finding fault with her. Amber was always the one who got in trouble and blamed for whatever went wrong
I'm confused. It this a fact, or Amber's thoughts about herself? Because, if SHE always gets in trouble, then it's understandable that she'll get blamed. I just don't understand who's thoughts these are.

She angrily punched the wall, wincing briefly as her knuckles connected with stone
I'd personnally cut out 'angrily'. We got the message since before 'her eyes defied' the Queen and she refused to bow to her. I mean, you descriptions are so vivid, I can practically see the fumes coming out her eyes lol. So yeah, I'd cut out angrily.

I really like the before last paragraph. As much as the first one told me a lot about Lynn, this one indicated much about the girl. She didn't want to kill someone out of cold blood, someone she grudginly respected.

Great job, I really love this chapter!! PM me for the next?

Tanya :D




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Thanks for the reviews! :D

Tanya, about the first question you have, I was really trying to show how much of a loose cannon Queen Saron is. She's volatile and unfair, and lets her rage blind her. Amber is supposed to be actually quite capable, but the Queen doesn't acknowledge that fact. I'm glad you pointed it out, thanks! I'll try to incorporate a little more of that into the story! :D

As for the second question, it's really kind of what Amber's thinking; I'll clear that up, too.

And I'll definitely PM you when I post more! I usually go to, but then I can never remember who wants me to notify them, and I don't want to send someone a PM asking for a review, and they go, "What the heck? I couldn't care less about this story!" ;) But I'll let you know when I post more! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle




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Hey RH! Just do what I do: I head back to my own previous chapters to see who commented....;)




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Also for me, I don't mind when people PM me. Especially when it's a story I've commented on a couple times, I like to be kept posted.

So count me in! :D
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Review part five!

I apologise, I have little constructive critisism to offer. Only to echo what I said before that this definately has enough substance to be turned into a much longer novel. These characters are really good, and they deserve to be let out to play a bit more.

So, positives:
The title! Icefire, I think I get it now, it's much smarter than I thought.
Those things that I've been nattering on about in previous chapters, about the length of paragraphs and speach and that stuff, you've nailed it in this one. Just try to figure out what you did right and keep it up.

On to part six!
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it is quite something to wound someone and then pity their scars
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