Steps: Prologue

This is the prologue of a story I'm writing at the moment, it doesn't have a name so I'm just going to call it Steps for now unless you guys can think of a better one. Rip it apart

Steps

Prologue


First step: look up. That’s always the most important one. If you’re in the middle of a highway, you’re going to want to know if a car is speeding towards you at sixty miles an hour. On the other hand you’re also going to want to know if you’re the one in the car speeding sixty miles an hour. Do you have the reflexes to brake quick enough not to hit someone?


Second step: stop, pull over, sit down, move anywhere that allows you a spare minute to inspect yourself. Find a reflective surface; get to know yourself from your appearance and the belongings in your pocket. Go through the expected; a wallet, ID card, a small selection of family photos and a few loose coins to learn what country you’re in. Feel around the new crevices of your body for the tell tale surgery scars, injection pricks, the yellowing fingernails that will let you know if you smoke before the cravings do. Check for a probation tag, you’ll kick yourself later if you don’t.


Third step: move, walk, drive. It’s always best to look like you know where you’re going, even if you don’t. Find a landmark or a street sign that will tell you where you are, pick up a local paper for the date and remember your history, it’ll be handy if you’re not near the twin towers on 9/11.


Fourth step: Live. Blend in with the crowd. Get into the character you imagine you should be. Find an address of a house or flat you might occupy and cosy up with a family you don’t know, pick up and whirl around kids that are supposedly yours and make love to someone’s wife for the first time. Cater for the life you’re stealing.


Most importantly, remember what you are and don’t idealise what you’re doing; you are a parasite, a liar, a thief and you deserve nothing but yourself for eternity, even if you wish otherwise. It’s funny really, because that’s exactly what you’re going to get.

ZaddieCaso wrote:Second step: stop, pull over, sit down, move anywhere that allows you a spare minute to inspect yourself.

I'd cut out the whole end of the sentence; it seems awkward an unnecessary.

ZaddieCaso wrote:Go through the expected;

Since you mention the expected, it might be a nice idea to mention the unexpected? Maybe give a few examples of strange things one might find?

ZaddieCaso wrote:Feel around the new crevices of your body for the tell tale surgery scars, injection pricks,; the yellowing fingernails that will let you know if you smoke before the cravings do.

ZaddieCaso wrote:Cater for the life you’re stealing.

Not quite sure what this sentence means? Maybe elaborate a little?

Overall:

Alright, I LOVED this!!!

The first paragraph was like "meh..."
And then in the second paragraph you had me 100%!

This is a great idea for structuring a prologue. Let me know when the rest comes out, because this is a fantastic beginning

Ok that was awesome. I have to say I was a bit skeptical when I began reading it but you pulled me in right away. I liked the way that you set it up in a way which pulls the reader in but leaves out enough which keeps them wondering.

Just one spot I got a little confused by.

you deserve nothing but yourself for eternity,

I'm not quite sure what you were getting at in this part. Perhaps you could clarify this a little but for all I know you will later.

Other than that I will just say again that this was an amazing prologue and I am looking forward to reading the rest. If you could give me a shout when the next part comes out I would be super happy.

Great job and keep up the awesome work.

-Cait

I like this so much! This was written very, very well. The only thing that bugged me was: [quote] move anywhere that allows you a spare minute to inspect yourself. /quote] it kind of made it a runaway sentence, you could place a period before it.
Other than that one, I liked this so, so much. I loved it. Absolutely. If this were a book I'd buy it. This is very [to say the least!] interesting. It captured my attention. right from the second line. And that is exactly what a prologue should do.
Are you planning on settling on a character later on or just continuing with the steps version?
Please PM me when the next chapter is out! I thought this was very good as is, and there's not much room for editing right now.
Thanks for the fun read
Ofir

hey guys, I agree with you on that line. Will make editing changes now. No Ofir this isn't going to carry on in the same fashion as the prologue, or in second person. It's change to first person next chapter :]

Thanks for everyones feedback