There Once Was A Girl Named Jennifer June

I have absolutely no idea where I got this idea. I guess it's just so I could submit a poem for world poem writing day. I don't get the story either.

BTW, please "like" if you liked!
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There once was a girl named Jennifer June
Who liked to hear crickets at night,
She gazed at the stars and stared at the moon,
And nothing could give her a fright.

Until one day, a froggy came
And croaked so loud she said "Hey!"
The frog said "I'm sorry, I'm in such a hurry,
But it seems I have lost my way."

And Jennifer said, "But where are you off to?
It's much too late right now."
"Don't worry sweet darling,
Since there are no starlings
I shall just look for a cow."

"A cow you say,
One that grazes all day
And makes that creamy milk?"
"Yes a cow my dear,
Now didn't you hear,
I am in a hurry to-night!"

"So what will I do then, when I have found,
A suitable bovine for you?"
"Just place me on top
Or I could just hop
And then I shall say toodaloo!"

And so the frog hopped on Jennifer's palm,
And she ran through the fields that were calm
Then she placed the frog on the back of a cow.
"Goodbye, goodbye I must depart now,
If I am to catch the moon!"
Then the cow ran and leapt over the orb
Without any warning or moo.

And still there amazed of the bovine's grace,
The girl who stared at the moon,
She breathed in deep, and then took a leap.
"Goodbye." said Jennifer June.

Wow, quite a poem, it felt almost like listening to a song (you can almost imagin a travelling bard sing this on a lute) the lines had perfect continuity and the rhythm was unbroken except for one place

Without any warning or moo

Somehow it didn't seem perfectly musical to me. Perhaps you could try - "Without a warning or a moo" ( if you say it a few times it has a nice bounce to it)

You're right I kinda did think it was like that too XD... AS for the glitches, I'll get them tomorrow. I'm getting sleepy already, it's one in the morning here. XD Thanks for commenting!

Hey there Treehugger

I have to agree with David. I really loved your poem! I also agree with the fact that it felt like I was reading a story, kind of like a fairy tale. I loved how you used a lot of dialogue, but still made the poem feel like a poem! I've tried that once. I failed. Miserably. So I take my hat off to you for that.

There once was a girl named Jennifer June
Who liked to hear crickets at night
She gazed at the stars and stared at the moon,
And nothing could give her a fright.

I adored your opening stanza! It was so sweetly child like, it was great! I especially liked the second line. It reminded me of being on holiday, because when I'm on holiday there are always crickets around... that's probably just me though.

To be honest, I can't think of any nit-picks. In that case, I won't mention any!
Overall, I loved your poem! It was full of imaginary, and it was very original! I will definitely be looking out for some more of your work!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Waaah! Why didn't I check my YWS? Anyway, thanks for the comment skins. You just made my day.

This is a very typically rhyme structure. I don't think it's a terrible poem, but I detest the opening (it is very formulaic and simplistic), and some of the pairing seems very forced.

You have a good concept here, certainly, and with a little work I think you could make this into a smoother, more interesting poem. As it stands now, however, it seems to be no deviation from the ordinary. Instead, it conforms to our literary expectations and therefore does little to stretch our perceptions as poetry is meant to do. As I've said, I really do enjoy the storyline you have created here, but it's like a nursery rhyme. No surprises, just measured lines and a predictable number of stanzas.

That said, it could be really nice with a little tweaking!!!