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Hey there! I'm Hawk and I'm here to review your story!

Okay, first off I like your beginning already. Dragons and fantasy = epic win for me. However, the first thing that popped into my head at the image of a man with a pet dragon is that new movie that's coming out (or came out, I'm not sure) called "How to Train Your Dragon." I realize you probably wrote this before the movie made its appearance, but that's still what it reminded me of.

Something that I noticed about your sentences was that, as beautifully descriptive as they are, they seem to get a little long-winded. Like this:

napalmerski wrote:The beams of the rising sun slowly crawled up the steep rocky hill beneath one side of which the dark morning waters of the ocean lapped at the pebbles of the morose beach.

If I tried to read that aloud, I'd be left panting for breath. Go ahead, try it. It loses any sort of imagery you're trying to depict and leaves the reader with a whirling head.

"Be calm Saethis, be calm," said the giant in his deep voice and looked around.

This dialogue tag just sounded very awkward. You could easily change it to something like: "Be calm, Saethis, be calm," said the giant in his deep voice, as he looked around. <- see how much nicer that sounds?

Another thing that I noticed was you seem to switch tenses quite a bit, such as here:

They were alone as yet, but once the town awoke, the conspirators would realize that their prize has had flown.

And Saethis also howled his howl of joy, that once more he flew with his friend. He knew not where they fly flew, but he sensed that the prince wants wanted to go far, far away, further than they had ever traveled even in their youth. And Saethis liked this.

You've started it off with past tense, so keep it up all the way through the story.

He had mated with three golden females of his clan, they had born him sons and daughters, and he had even been the chief for some years.

Very long run on sentence here. A period in there wouldn't hurt it in the least. For example: He had mated with three golden females of his clan, and they had born him several sons and daughters. He had even been the chief for some years.

Beneath them, a school of fishes swam in the deep waters, their sides glistening as they maneuvered in organic concert. To their left, the sun was slowly rising.

Okay, so according to the dictionary: the normal plural of fish is "fish" (a shoal of fish; he caught two huge fish). The older form "fishes" is still used, but almost exclusively when referring to different kinds of fish (freshwater fishes of the Great Lakes).
Since you're referring to a school, which should all be the same type of fish, then just use "fish."

All right, that's it! Feel free to PM me when you post more, or if you have any questions.

napalmerski wrote:The gloved hand of the giant warrior stroked the scaly muzzle of the restive dragon, which purred unhappily and looked with a mute question into the eyes of its friend and master.

If you look up the word "purr(ed)" in the dictionary, online or a book reference, the word means to emit a humming or buzzing sound in the throat or wherever, usually symbolising contentment. I find that saying the dragon "purred unhappily" is quite redundant. I see what you are trying to tell us, but I think you should find a better word here. I also suggest breaking up the sentence. Maybe one long sentence and then a short one. Even though long, decorative sentences are striking to the reader, after repitition it gives headaches. I suggest you look through the rest of your story here and break up sentences. Simple and small is as great as detailed and large

napalmerski wrote:The beams of the rising sun slowly crawled up the steep rocky hill beneath one side of which the dark morning waters of the ocean lapped at the pebbles of the morose beach.

Reading this sentence, I agree with Ranger Hawk about the length of this. You could easily divide this sentence into two or more and create a more equal paragraph, as I mentioned before.

napalmerski wrote:"Be calm Saethis, be calm," said the giant in his deep voice and looked around.

Once again, I agree with Ranger Hawk about the part after the dialogue. Ranger Hawk's suggestion works very well and is a great rephrasing, but you could also put a "he" before "looked". But, personally, I prefer Ranger Hawk's suggestion

napalmerski wrote:They were alone as yet, but once the town awoke, the conspirators would realize that their prize has flown.

AGAIN, I agree with Ranger Hawk. Look over your tenses and stick to one. I think past tense would work better here, considering you started with it and it would be easier to fix with only a few parts with a present tense.

napalmerski wrote:"I am an outcast prince once again Saethis, he said to the dragon. The dumb beast did not understand the words, but it crooned happily at the sound of the prince's voice.

The first hightlight, I think you forgot to add the end of quotaion (") after the comma and before the "he". A simple error anyone can make while typing. The second highlight, I also am nitpicking about dictionary definitions. Here, you used "crooned" to describe the dragon's response to the prince. "Croon(ed)" means to sing or murmur quietly into someone's ear, like to a baby before it goes to sleep. I think you wish to mean the word "crowed", which, how you mean, is to cry out happily

napalmerski wrote:Agalos squinted, as he recalled his downfall. "I had allowed myself to lose my vigilance my friend, and one by one my closest friends were bought or blackmailed into submission by my enemies. What treachery hides in every court, and what foolishness closed my eyes to it, until it was too late."

Highlighted: There should be a comma between "vigilance" and "my". And keep the one after "friend"! Besides that, I think you are very good at writing dialogue for these types of fantastical characters. You are really good at that!

napalmerski wrote:He bent over the dragon and blew warm air into its eyed, knowing that this pleased it.

I did not highlight this problem because the sentence is shortish. Re-check your spelling of "eyes"...you added a "d" not and "s" at the end Perfectly understandable, considering the layout of the computer keyboard ("d" is right beside "s").

napalmerski wrote:"And this time we have to flee to the ends of the world, to the unexplored lands which may give us a weapon, or an ally, with which to reclaim the kingdom. I thank you, Saethis, for heeding my call after all these years. Ah, what adventureds we had."

napalmerski wrote:The mighty beast spread its wings, flapped them once, twice, and them pushed away with its hind legs and off they flew.

Nicely formed sentence. It's pretty.

napalmerski wrote:Agalos smiled, as the muscles of the dragon rippled beneath him, and as the endless vistas of the crimson sea opened up on all sides. The land behind them dropped away, and soon only the hills remained visible, sinking, shrinking by the minute.

I see what you are trying to do here, as I use it, too. Unfortunately, it only works in certain ways. It does not seem to fit here. You might just have to replace the comma for an "and" between "sinking" and "shrinking". It flows better that way.

napalmerski wrote:And Saethis also howled his howl of joy, that once more he flew with his friend. He knew not where they flyflew, but he sensed that the prince wantsed to go far, far away, further than they had ever traveled even in their youth. And Saethis liked this.

napalmerski wrote:He had mated with three golden females of his clan, they had born him sons and daughters, and he had even been the chief for some years.

You may be surprised, but I recognise this as a word, as some others may not. You use it well, but the spelling is wrong. All you must do is add an "e" at the end of "born"

napalmerski wrote:Beneath them, a school of fishes swam in the deep waters, their sides glistening as they maneuvered in organic concert. To their left, the sun was slowly rising.

Fish not fishes.
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I really liked reading this. You have excellent vocabulary and that is always a plus when editing as it makes the writing much more descriptive and interesting and fun to read. I enjoyed this so much and I hope you take into account my editions!

RangerHawk, LavenderBlue,
thank you for the feedback. I've already incorporated it into the story!
But I've left the crooning, and have tried to save the uneasy purring, haha.
Thanx again. Especially for things like fish/fishes and born/borne
And yeah, I love endless sentences which take up half a page. But I chopped them up.

Sadly I got to say this story was....... awsome. I L.O.V.E.D it . There were no mistakes I spotted since LavedeBlue and RangerHawk already pointed them out except for this one peice that puzzle me:

They were alone as yet,but once the town awoke, the conspirators would realize their prize had flown.

Thats the only part I have problem with,but everything else is spectacular.

So as always I am here to inspire and praise your brillance. I haven't read a good dragon story in a while ;that world was kinda dead to me but you revived it for me and I can't wait to read the rest.

Hehe, Curiosvampire,
thanx for the kind words about the story!
There isn't going to be a continuation, because these days I'm focusing my energy on longer stuff, and only write quick vignettes or scripts, when pressure builds up too much and I have to let it off by doing a quick impression without plotting and stuff.
Anyway - I'm really glad the story did something for you

It's too bad you don't plan on continuing, because I would read more readily. I like the style and the tone- both were well done, in my opinion. There were a few awkward lines, but I think most of them were mentioned- other than that, I didn't see any grammar or punctuation errors, which makes any story easier to read.

I had allowed myself to lose my vigilance, my friend...

I don't think the 'had' is necessary- to me, at least, it makes the sentence awkward.