hey ya this is a tiny part of a kinda huge/ big story.......so enjoy!!!
Strands of hair cling to my hands, separate from the rest. I stand as still as stone. My sister is coiled on her bed like some kind of animal. She's screaming, tears run down her face. All I can do is smile to myself. I think good thoughts. I cannot move. I want to turn around and leave her there, but I wont let me. No I don't show any emotion, but my mouth is turned up. Smiling at sadness was part of my life. My life was misery. Everyday I would do at least one thing that effected the world. The world as it seems to some people is a bowl of goodness. Those people are wrong. The World to me is a bowl of rotting emptiness, feelings that people don't know about. When they realise that this is true, they see before them no hope, no life among themselves any more. That is what I already see clearly. Ahead is a road of non ending misery. Like my life once was. I still stand. I open my mouth but the smile I held up had gone and fallen into the deepness of my green eyes. My thoughts run free. I blink I have forgotten why I am here. My body finally loses its tension. I wriggle my fingers, then toes. I turn around and walk away. The last thing I heard was a loud, piercing scream. I do not know who it came from, nor did I need to. I'm falling. Falling into darkness. No one is calling my name. If they were, how could I hear them? The silence begins to kill my ears. Then begin to hear the faint, slowing sound of my beating heart. My mind is cheerful. Saying and telling me: its okay, its going to be all better, its coming to an end. I answer actually it has come to an end.
I see myself. I lie on the floor. My own blood is everywhere. Especially on my clothes. I look like I'm in a pool. A pool of my own blood. I hold a long sharp knife in one hand. Cuts run down my arms. I remember asking my mother some days ago. Is this a way to kill yourself? I had motioned my hands down my fore arm. Her answer runs coldly through my head. Yes, yes it is. I still see the face she had made, as soon as I had begun to ask the question. As if she knew I would ask that. Thin lines pressed together formed her lips. Face pale, hands clenched into fists. Her blue, grey eyes had turned. Fixed on me.I had shivered, nodded my head and walked away from her. I needed to keep these memories. Would they be the key???
On the news they talk about two suicides. Heaps. Even a load of other murders have been happening. I'm not interested in them. I turn up the T.V volume. I would like to learn how. How to kill yourself that is. I begin to think. Killing yourself couldn't be that bad or hard. All these people say I'm unstable so does she. I hate my life. Always have probably always will. I well m mother says I have issues. Not good issues. That reminds me of the last we had. Only minutes ago. Rage and anger burst out of me. I run to my room. Then like always run back out and go to the freezer. I open the door and snatch out a frozen yogurt. I rip open the top and bite down hard..........................................
