Sun-Prolouge

I sat in the front seat of my mom's beat up car, staring at the ongoing mountains, that transformed into plains, and finally into trees. This was the only thing to do, in the four hour road trip back to the hell-hole of a town we call home.
"At least it's warm," I whispered to myself, adjusting my sunglasses. It was rather warm, even warmer considering it was only March, in Oklahoma.
The sun started glowing through the trees, in a bright red color, as though it was setting, at two in the afternoon.
"Mom! Mommy, look," my little brother, Davis, yelled from the back seat.
"Mommy is busy right now, Sweetheart. We'll play later," she whispered. The years she spent lying awake have started to catch up with her, not only through the lines on her face, but through her voice as well.
"But Mom, it's coming towards us!" Davis whimpered. He was truly scared. I saw it too, the setting sun, wasn't the sun at all, it was a ball of flames, smashing right into our car.

hi! this really grabbed me, good work. great imagry at the start. one problem;

The years she spent lieing i think that's meant to be lying awake

really nice peice though. it makes me scream "more, more, more!!!"

Thank you!!! =-D I'm just about to start on the first chapter soon, so I'll let you know when it's up!!! =-D Maybe then, you'll still be screaming "more, more, more!!!" =-D And I really try hard to get a ton of imagry in my work, so I love you pointing it out!!!! =-D Thanks again!!! =-D

Classy here!

The only thing I'm afraid of is that if you're using these characters for the rest of the story, then you have started the action too early. The only reason I'm assuming that you are using these characters is that it is written in first person. I also don't believe in the use of prologues.

It sets up the story, giving background details and other miscellaneous information.

~Wiki

Do you see how your 'prologue' does not really work as a prologue? I used to use them all the time, too, and used to think that they were a great and easy way to start off a story. The truth is that, in this case, a prologue is useless. You can just as easily put this as your first chapter, but I wouldn't recommend that either.

Have you read twilight? I'm assuming you have. Do you remember how the entire first chapter is just background on the character and why she is moving to Forks?

Well, with this, all we have is information on the weather, the town they're traveling to, and the plot of the story. If you analyze this, you will find that it is not a beginning to a story, but more like the beginning to a second or third chapter of a novel.

I think you have something going, but this is not a prologue, and should not be the beginning to your story.

However, I would like to compliment you.

I really, really liked how you introduced the falling sun. How the brother noticed it, and how the other characters were hesitant to look at it. Very realistic, bravo!

Questions/comments, PM me.

Hi there Bunnie. I liked the concept of the story. At least it's something different than icebergs. Great start to what can be a wonderful story.
Keep Writing!!!!!

I disagree with what was said about not making this your prologue. It could be a little longer,however and have a tad more detail about the character's background and such.
It was pretty gripping over-all though.
Nice work.

Very interesting story idea seems like it has the potential to be engaging. However, I do advise a little more detail in the characters its important, I think, to get the reading immensely interested in the proluoge so that they cant wait for the first chapter. Also, though I admire this prolouge, your writing feels like it needs a bit more flow to it. Its not a big concern and I don't mean to offend you in any way just something to look out for in future writing. Ill continue reading the chapters to come!

Thank you! =-D And Classy, I know it doesn't really seem like a prolouge, but it will when the first chapter comes. =-D Okay, well, thanks again, I'll write some more!