Despicable

I'm not really sure what this is,
but it's hitting me hard
on the chest, not even
heeding my cries.

Tearing me up,
this one little feeling,
one little doubt
in the back of my mind.

The tiny little question
in the back of my head
is fiery, it makes me cringe
out of fear.

Growing, I slowly start to pace
from corner to corner of
my small room, staring
blankly at each wall.

I can't take this anymore.
Your questions are killing
every little part of me,
You've found a way into
every little crevice
until

finally,
I'm unable to stand without
you filling my empty areas,
I'm reliant on another source
of energy, but all you do is
suck it out of me.

This question,
the one in my mind,
is nagging - biting away
at my very conscience;

if I don't answer it I will be
consumed wholly,
but no answer comes to mind.

I'm left in a cycle of unanswered questions.

You keep asking me,
I still have no response.
Again, it kills me slowly,
but you -

oh, despicable you -

still sit on the top shelf
of my mind's inventory,
pointing, laughing,
mocking my pain.

Despicable you.

I think your poem is good but, please don't use "it" so much.

I'm not really sure what it is,
what it's going for,
how it does this to me,
but it is.

It's tearing me up,

Is it a memory of someone? or a reoccurring thought? I wish you would be more descriptive.

Growing, I slowly start to pace
from corner to corner of
my small room, staring
blankly at each wall.

This part reminds me of "Alice in Wonderland". I like the poem.Keep writing fiction.

Hi there!

I have to agree with fiction that the "it" seems to be a little repetitive and I share his confusion a little as to trying to understand what the context is aimed at. I think this is due to your writing coming across as perhaps a little too implicit and it might need some editing to make the imagery sound a little more obsious. Apart from that I really enjoyed this poem. The vibe from it seemed a little un orginal but the way you wrote it kind of installed some individuality into it which I liked.

I noticed a nitpick though, the following line:

trying to reserve me.

I don't see it fitting in and it sticks out a little bit like a sore thumb in terms of the rhythm and pace of the rest of the poem and my interpretation of it.

Anyway keep up the writing!
Ben

Hi fixed! This seemed like an original and creative poem. I quite liked it-I would place it along with other gold poetry I've read here on YWS. Unlike the other reviewers, I really like the use of 'it'. I like how you've left it open to interpretation and the reader can focus more on the emotional aspect of the poem.

PM me if you need anything.
-Elinor

Heya

I actually agree with Elinor Brynn! I found your use of "it" effective. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion I suppose, eh?

All though, at times, it would be good if you were a little bit more descriptive. But, most of the time, you use description well!

still sit on the top shelf
of my mind's inventory,
pointing, laughing,
mocking my pain.

I really loved the description in these four lines!

I'm not entirely sure what the poem is about, so it would help if you maybe made that clearer. To be honest though, I think that the mystery of it actually suits the poem well, making it more effective!

Even though this poem wasn't the most original one I've ever read, I was really impressed with it. I loved the way that you used short lines when they were needed, making the poem very, very effective!

Keep up the good work!
Meg xoxo

Why, thank you everyone! I've tried to switch it up a little to fix everyone's desires... is it any better?

I think this poem was very interesting. I think that you meant the "it"s in your poem to make the reader think. I believe that sometimes poetry gets taken a bit to literally, when its supposed to tell a story or feelings using imagery and symbolism. I love how your poem is deeper than the surface and I think its supposed to be pondered. Well done!

I agree. I've been told I'm very vague in what I write, which to me is a good thing. A lot of times I write it to get the point over to someone, without confronting them face-to-face. And I only want them to know. It's kind of like an inside joke sort of thing.

Thanks for reviewing!