empire! empire! (i was a lonely estate)

part 1. you are what i am not

will the same mistakes haunt you like they used to do?

or are you afraid that your body won't let you choose?

you are your father's son, the same disease that holds you held him once!

you were a witness to a crime between the mind and body

and i know that if you push this hard it will still take hold.

you cannot accept the things you can't control.

and i know your mind is young but your body's old.

and you can't forgive yourself (though no one else could blame you for this).

but hold on! hold on! hold on!



and already i can't remember the heart was ever aware

that the body it kept alive was wearing out, was shutting down.

and tonight, when it realized you gave up, it cried out,

"only now, i realize i always knew."



then, every breath made you confess you did not know what to do with your hands, this is

a new side of you- so full of fear.



part 2. to esmé with love

you wore the hand-me down dress that never fit quite right.

your mother's frame did not favor you.

the summer she passed you were born, and your father lost his job.

he could not handle it (or you).

you wore the saddest smile that never fit quite right.

yours mother's smile felt that way too.

the summer she gave her life for you, and your father blamed you,

was the summer you began to blame yourself too.



the long days piled into weeks before you'd speak, as the stone crawled to meet the

shoreline.

and it began to rain at once!

i tried (i tried, i tried, i tried) to keep the awful things at bay from you.

but it was on the air and useless,

i might as well have tried to prove the words i fought to purchase would comfort you.

like, "there was nothing more that we could do."

or that i still loved you (when nothing could be further from the truth).

will your hand fall out of mine?

your shame lives on its own, trying to reach the depths down where it belongs.

will it find rest in your bones?

aching and pulling muscles to act out against you!

so stay your pity now.

if it reaches the heart, we all pull out.

and let the beat slow down.

(there's nothing that we can do for you now)

are you sorry or are you just scared?

there will be no false comfort here.

oh, i ought to tell you the truth! i did not to come to plea for you.

where was your heart when your words led the truth anywhere else from you?

you're not sorry, you are just scared,

i have not come to calm your fears

i am sorry i hid what you are.

but everyone else but me already knew! already knew!

and would not come to plea for you.

where was your heart when they never appeared?

anyone else would care.

but you would not shouldered the weight you should bear.

i will not shed a single tear.



part 3. and squalor (midnight conversation where the rain meets the hood.)

it flew out of your mouth, "you can drive me anywhere- just drive me anywhere but here."

tonight, the length of your neck is a lonely parapet; you are armed to the teeth and

looking for a fight.

it was in your mother's dress that the temper finally showed signs of slowing down. your

fingers traced the route of the seam (like a map of your body that landed just shy of

your knees).

it fell the same way on your mother- as she was, at that age, the same height as you.

she never faced a fear quite as sharp, but her sister did and it broke her heart

what came out your mouth next was a series of mistakes- you had taken all you could take,

and here tonight, the weight of their stares, they could bury you alive. you were worn

to the bone and looking to disappear. and who could blame you?



it was in your mothers dress that the temper finally died out, and gave way to the fear

that keeps its company with such a loud mouth! (like the sound of an earthquake tearing

out terra firma's mouth).

you must not let it in, and keep your head up on top of your body. there are far, far

worse things than this, so we must move with purpose and do what has to be done.



part 4. realize real eyes are real lies

oh no! i thought you'd changed; take back all the things you said.

i remember thinking this evidence you left was damning enough

but you took all the words from my mouth and pulled them out.

how could i not see you for what you are?

but you turned all the words from my mouth into doubt.



and i wish i could tear your heart out!

break meter and release, and still the voice it keeps

and i wish that your lungs would give out,

and finally give air to breathe

but i know better now. no words could weed you out

when your back's against the wall, you'll be crying out

"i'll take all the words from your mouth and leave them out."

your hands are shaking.

finally, call out!

and the silence breaks your heart, finally.

oh, i almost pity you now (i almost pity you now).

finally, call out!

oh, i almost pity you now.

and i wish i could tear your heart out!

break meter and release, and still the voice it keeps

and i wish for your lungs to give out, finally.



city lights grace the interstates, the way you moved your hands through your hair when

you felt alone.

remember the flowers you picked when we crossed over madison?

you were so sure you found yourself that you branded it into an oak - the one you swore

reached through the sky and swallowed the city line,

you had yet to hit twenty-three (an age that would swallow you.)



will i ever understand how anything gets done?

i tied a knot in my heart for you, thinking that's what you wanted.

i tried to make my voice sincere

(tell everyone how hard it was)

and anyway, i could never reach your ears,

like the weight of its wings were clipped when they hovered near you.



should i tie your arms afloat to its melody, and anchor my heart to you in hopes

i'll climb out your mouth?

i was so sure you wanted love,

how could anyone find doubt?

i tied a knot in my heart for you,

though it's not what you wanted.



wear your heart out

wear your heart out

wear your heart out



i tried to make my voice sincere

(tell everyone how hard it was)

and anyway, i could never reach your ears,

like the weight of its wings were clipped when they hovered near you

Blarg, long read.

well not really if put on scale with like prose or something...

I dunno I'm rambling.

NOW!!

This all really rolled off my mental tongue, like every phrase complimented the next enough to really seem like a kind of sly monologue, even part two, which read more like a plea, a speech of sorts, emploring the reader or the mystic figure all this emotion, posed questions, slowly churning anger, it all really comes forth like ... very intimate actually.

I feel like I'm the one being accused and questioned.

Anyways.

The overall length of this was good, except it was a bit uneven and unbalanced, the first peice sort of led into an idea before being burried under the second and then the third part came in like nothing, very seamless but the line separations kind of threw me.

Uhmm, part for was kind of the epilogue of all this, and it felt more like dispair, like whatever previous strength or point the narrator had been making kind of evaporated behind everything else, just kind of leaving it out there without any kind of cover.

Uhmm, I'd give more but I really cant think of anything at the moment, pm me if you want any other info or whatever.

Keep eet oop.

I think perhaps the repetition of "out" in part four ruined this for me.
Otherwise this was well done. Its lack of capitalization is done just right.
And really, that's all I have to say.

This poem is wow, just wow in every sense of the word.

It's sad and remorseful and beautiful, and dark - this is everything a long poem should be. It's so strong and yet touching. The imagery is vivid, i love this line

"city lights grace the interstates, the way you moved your hands through your hair when you feel alone.
remember the flowers you picked when we crossed over madison?
you were so sure you found yourself that you branded it into an oak - the one you swore reached through the sky and swallowed the city line,"

I sat here and read it 4 times - i can see nothing to comment on for corrections.

I bow to you and to this poem

i had a lot of fun writing this poem/song
each part is supposed to be told from 3 different perspectives-

part one is the narrator talking to the "boy" and explaining that his suicidal thoughts are hereditary from his father, having seen his father's suicide firsthand. but the narrator is also telling him that his fear is only of himself.

part two is the narrator talking to the "girl" and explaining why her depression has taken hold of her life. the narrator recites her life story, and tells her what to do. but he explains that he cannot help her, she can only help herself.

part three is the boy's monologue towards the girl in his head during their final meeting. she was in distress and she called him and told her "you can drive me anywhere- just drive me anywhere but here." he gives her advice he has taken from the narrator and it helps her until part four

part four is the girl's monologue after finding out that the boy has attempted to kill himself. her anger has overcome her body and mind in the same way her father's had after the death of her mother during her birth. she doesn't know whether the boy has succeeded or not, and neither does the narrator, who adds the line: "i tried to make my voice sincere(tell everyone how hard it was,)and anyway, i could never reach your ears, like the weight of its wings were clipped when they hovered near you"

the narrator, i like to think, is an angel. not the godly kind, but the angel on their shoulders. the "good" side of their mind trying to win over the "bad" side.

hope that helped

i love your work ..keep writing.

thanks!