Kit.
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Spoiler
1
I hurt. I hurt all over. I’ve been beaten up, electrocuted and slapped all period. I force myself back up. Across the gym we use as a practice area, my best friend Josephine is laughing wickedly at me.
“Sorry, Bronwyn,” she calls. “You’re just off today.” Her white blonde hair falls into her eyes. She pushes it away impatiently. We’re practicing our stabbing technique with acting daggers. Technically, Josephine has killed me six times in the past half hour. Our teacher reminds us to act quickly and not to hesitate. Vampires wouldn’t.
Our school, The Stoker Academy, trains us to be Vampire Hunters. We are currently in Fighting Arts-207.
“Back on your feet, Bronwyn.” Our teacher calls. I get up on my feet, and position my dagger again. Josephine counts to three again. We yell and charge at each other. This time, though, I grab her free arm and sort of twirl her closer to me, stabbing her in the stomach. Josephine stages a very dramatic death, complete with coughing and falling to the floor. I nudge her with my toe.
“Very dramatic.” I tell her.
“The score is six to one.” Jos grins at me. I stick my tongue out at her. We fight again, with me winning again. I enter my fighting zone. In it, I can shut my eyes and concentrate. I don’t notice when Jos kills me again, and again.
Then a funny thing happens. I predict her move before she does it. I dodge her strike and sneak my right arm around to stab her in the back.
“Winner!” I cheer. Jos looks at me.
“How did you do that?” She asks. I shrug. I just figure it’s a preemptive strike. You know, defense instead of death. The bell rings as Jos gets back onto her feet.
“That’s my signature move.” Jo says. She is livid. Her pale skin is an uncharacteristic pink. Her brown eyes are huge.
“I don’t know how I did it.” I say. We head to lunch. Jo is staring me down. We lock eyes, gold to brown. We sit across from each other.
“Look,” I say, “I’m sorry. I’ll never mock kill you again, okay?”
Jo grins. I know that’s exactly what she wanted. Plates are passed around.
“Did you get your history homework done?” I ask. Jo shrugs. Our History class, this being a school for vampire hunters, is actually Vampire History-606.
“Nah. Were we supposed to?” Jo is notorious for not finishing homework. If she could, she’d probably skip school as well.
“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” I answer. Jo rolls her eyes.
“Goody-good.” She says quietly. We’re cut off by a light girly laugh. It’s Megan. She is the rudest, bitchest girl in the sixth year.
“Hey ladies.” She is behind Jo. Her smile is fake, toothpaste commercial. Her eyes are a shocking, fake electric blue.
“What?” I ask. It comes out surlier than imagined. Megan looks taken back.
“What?” She asks, “Can’t I just say hi?”
Jo turns to look at her, eyebrow raised.
“No.” Jo says and turns back to her lunch. Megan smirks. Picking up Jo’s glass of coke, she throws well-aimed toss of the pop onto my uniform jacket.
“BITCH!” I squeal.
“Hater!” Jo yells. I shrug out of my jacket and reached into my bag. Megan saunters away. After she leaves, Jo begins laughing. It’s a full frontal, I’m-gonna-piss-myself-laughing laugh.
“What?” I ask her.
“That was random.” Jo stops laughing to say. I eye her angrily.
“But it wasn’t funny.” I snap. I pull my blouse away from my stomach, where it’s starting to stick. From my bag, I pull out my black leather Wolverine-type jacket. I shrug it on. Jo stops laughing. She continues to eat messily. I move my chair back and away from Jo.
“We have fifteen minutes until history. You can’t really do anything.” Jo says. She’s still attempting to chew.
“Jo, you know I love you like the sister I never got, right?” I ask her. Jo shrugs. I look at her, “Then, sweetie, chew with your mouth closed.” Jo smiles slowly, and opens her mouth. I shut my eyes.
“Ladies.” The quite but strong voice breaks our giggle fest. It’s our headmistress, Janelle.
“Yes, Miss?” I ask. Jo shuts her mouth.
“Josephine and Bronwyn, I want you to come with me.” Janelle says. We look at each other. By the time we exchange nods to signal we’ll go, Janelle is already at the door. We leave our seats and follow her. I gulp. Jo looks at me with a question mark in her eyes. I have honestly no idea what’s going on.
I hurt. I hurt all over. I’ve been beaten up, electrocuted and slapped all period. I force myself back up. Across the gym we use as a practice area, my best friend Josephine is laughing wickedly at me.
“Sorry, Bronwyn,” she calls. “You’re just off today.” Her white blonde hair falls into her eyes. She pushes it away impatiently. We’re practicing our stabbing technique with acting daggers. Technically, Josephine has killed me six times in the past half hour. Our teacher reminds us to act quickly and not to hesitate. Vampires wouldn’t.
Our school, The Stoker Academy, trains us to be Vampire Hunters. We are currently in Fighting Arts-207.
“Back on your feet, Bronwyn.” Our teacher calls. I get up on my feet, and position my dagger again. Josephine counts to three again. We yell and charge at each other. This time, though, I grab her free arm and sort of twirl her closer to me, stabbing her in the stomach. Josephine stages a very dramatic death, complete with coughing and falling to the floor. I nudge her with my toe.
“Very dramatic.” I tell her.
“The score is six to one.” Jos grins at me. I stick my tongue out at her. We fight again, with me winning again. I enter my fighting zone. In it, I can shut my eyes and concentrate. I don’t notice when Jos kills me again, and again.
Then a funny thing happens. I predict her move before she does it. I dodge her strike and sneak my right arm around to stab her in the back.
“Winner!” I cheer. Jos looks at me.
“How did you do that?” She asks. I shrug. I just figure it’s a preemptive strike. You know, defense instead of death. The bell rings as Jos gets back onto her feet.
“That’s my signature move.” Jo says. She is livid. Her pale skin is an uncharacteristic pink. Her brown eyes are huge.
“I don’t know how I did it.” I say. We head to lunch. Jo is staring me down. We lock eyes, gold to brown. We sit across from each other.
“Look,” I say, “I’m sorry. I’ll never mock kill you again, okay?”
Jo grins. I know that’s exactly what she wanted. Plates are passed around.
“Did you get your history homework done?” I ask. Jo shrugs. Our History class, this being a school for vampire hunters, is actually Vampire History-606.
“Nah. Were we supposed to?” Jo is notorious for not finishing homework. If she could, she’d probably skip school as well.
“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” I answer. Jo rolls her eyes.
“Goody-good.” She says quietly. We’re cut off by a light girly laugh. It’s Megan. She is the rudest, bitchest girl in the sixth year.
“Hey ladies.” She is behind Jo. Her smile is fake, toothpaste commercial. Her eyes are a shocking, fake electric blue.
“What?” I ask. It comes out surlier than imagined. Megan looks taken back.
“What?” She asks, “Can’t I just say hi?”
Jo turns to look at her, eyebrow raised.
“No.” Jo says and turns back to her lunch. Megan smirks. Picking up Jo’s glass of coke, she throws well-aimed toss of the pop onto my uniform jacket.
“BITCH!” I squeal.
“Hater!” Jo yells. I shrug out of my jacket and reached into my bag. Megan saunters away. After she leaves, Jo begins laughing. It’s a full frontal, I’m-gonna-piss-myself-laughing laugh.
“What?” I ask her.
“That was random.” Jo stops laughing to say. I eye her angrily.
“But it wasn’t funny.” I snap. I pull my blouse away from my stomach, where it’s starting to stick. From my bag, I pull out my black leather Wolverine-type jacket. I shrug it on. Jo stops laughing. She continues to eat messily. I move my chair back and away from Jo.
“We have fifteen minutes until history. You can’t really do anything.” Jo says. She’s still attempting to chew.
“Jo, you know I love you like the sister I never got, right?” I ask her. Jo shrugs. I look at her, “Then, sweetie, chew with your mouth closed.” Jo smiles slowly, and opens her mouth. I shut my eyes.
“Ladies.” The quite but strong voice breaks our giggle fest. It’s our headmistress, Janelle.
“Yes, Miss?” I ask. Jo shuts her mouth.
“Josephine and Bronwyn, I want you to come with me.” Janelle says. We look at each other. By the time we exchange nods to signal we’ll go, Janelle is already at the door. We leave our seats and follow her. I gulp. Jo looks at me with a question mark in her eyes. I have honestly no idea what’s going on.
This is the textbook definition of telling, and not showing. And the last thing you want to do is use weak prose for your very first sentence! So either start with the next sentence, or find something else, because "I hurt" tells us absolutely nothing.
Overall