Papillion Prologue Part 2

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Here's link one. I've posted many different versions of Papillion, but I've finally got the right one, and this is it. I hope whoever reads it likes it.

Papillion Prologue Part one

By the way, the prologue has become two chapters. But, to eliminate confusion, I just decided to keep 'prologue' as the name.


chapter 2

Rainer had told me of my partner, Einar. Every Papillion warrior is assigned a partner at birth, and they have opposite powers. Love, like Rose, goes with pain, dark with light, earth with water, and the rarest of them all, ice and fire. Einar and I were the first fire and ice partners in over a hundred years.

“Einar… my partner?” My mouth stayed gaped as I studied the boy. He was ice, for sure. The icicles hanging from the tips of his hair, and his stone cold hands gave it away. Why hadn’t I seen it before? Rainer told me that Einar was the smart one, and I was the strong one. Every partner is completely opposite, that’s why they are so compatible; why every partner ends their life in love with the other.

He nodded and continued playing in the mucky dirt with his feet.

“Why did you bring me here?” I asked standing up.

“Why are you crying?” He stood up, also.

“Because we are not supposed to meet like this! You and I are supposed to find each other on the field! During the hatching!”

“I had to see you…” He hung his shoulders and looked down at my feet.

“Why?”

“Because… I felt incomplete. You and I,” he walked closer to me and gently took my hand. “You and I are partners. We are made for each other. We are one. And I felt like half my heart was empty. My stomach was always churning. No matter how much I ate, it never filled the… butterflies flying in it. I could never sleep, I could never calm down. I just needed to know you existed. I needed to know I wouldn’t be alone.”

I processed what he said for a moment. Everything he said explained what I had felt for the past eight years of my life.

“Okay, here I am.”

“Can I try something?” he asked after a pause.

“Alright…” He took the palm of my hand and spread my fingers apart.

“Bring on the fire.”

“We aren’t allowed to use powers outside the training-“

“Who’s going to see?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Okay… fuetirer.” On the palm of my hand a single flame grew, the size of my nose and the color of my eyes. Einar smiled, the fire lighting his blue eyes perfectly.

He pointed an index finger at my palm and started reaching for the flame. I drew my hand back.

“It’s fine,” he said while bringing my hand back.

As he got closer, yellow sparks started to fly from my flame. Then they turned blue, and eventually, the fire froze still and turned a beautiful purple color, falling dead in my hand.

Then the frozen flame rose into the air and hovered above our heads. I watched it intently, and I could feel Einar’s curious eyes on me.

We waited for a few moments until purple, red and blue light flooded from the frozen piece. I looked at him, a little terrified. He started to laugh.

“What-“

“Shh,” he held his finger to my lips. His finger struck me with frozen commotion. I rarely felt cold. My skin was so hot, sometimes I stayed in the bath for hours at a time, waiting for the water to cool. Rainer always told me that Fire was the hardest power to live with.
He pointed up, and I followed his finger. It took me a while to adjust to the bright light. Where the frozen flame had been, a million butterflies of every shape, size and color were fluttering. They were all sprinkling their magical glitter on our heads.

I opened my mouth and let it in like you would snow. It melted on my tongue as soon as it hit, turning into steam. It tasted sweet, almost candy-like, but more spiritual. It was a feeling that only Papillians could feel, a sensation that was ineffable. It was the equivalent to a woman bearing a child, or a little boy being told ‘I’m proud of you’ by his father. It was a feeling that made you complete, something Papillion warriors never felt other than when swallowing the glitter of a butterfly.

“Andie…” Einar spread a hand across my cheek. My face tingled at the touch of his fingernails; they left a blue mark across my face. “This is what we create together.”

“It’s beautiful.” My eyes remained on the floating beauty above.

He continued to look at me and said, “I know.”



Sorry if it's too corny for you. Changes will be coming, I'm just not sure what they are yet.




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Yes, quite cheesy. But I find that benefits it. Lightens the mood a bit.
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!




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Hey Classy, here I am for a review!

Okay, so I feel that everything is moving very quickly here. There's a lot of information for the reader to absorb and it's overwhelming to get all of this stuff about the partners and background on the Papillions as well as follow along with the story and what's going on with our MC. I'd like to see some more description and a little easier of a pace.

captain.classy wrote:“Bring on the fire.”


I wasn't exactly sure who said this; at first I thought it was the MC because it was a different paragraph, but then I realized it was Einar. Clarify, clarify!

“Who’s going to see?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Okay… fuetirer.”


Wow, that took just about no convincing on his part! I'd like to see a little more hesitation from her or an explanation of how she's really itching to do it, you know?

My skin was so hot, sometimes I stayed in the bath for hours at a time, waiting for the water to cool.


For some reason I just really like this line! Well done! :D


Okay, that's it. Really, not much for me to nitpick on; your writing is great! Please keep me updated when you post more! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle




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It was great. I like that touch of romance. I keep forgetting the main character is only eight. She just sounds so mature. (: Really like this. Keep it up.




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L.O.V.E your story even though its a bit cheesy it was original and unexpected. I only have one complaint,why are eight year olds are speaking so mature I kind of forgot they were even eight years old for a minute.Great story though I have had my fill and hunger hor more.
"I became insane,with long intervals of horrible insanity."

"Their ideology is that human nature is fundamentally evil.In other words, humans are evil from the day they are born."

"Human is beatiful. Perfect is boring."



Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman