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Lyric Poetry
ran....
3 posts
blackscar
Gender
Points
300
Reviews
0
Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:07 pm
blackscar
says...
·
Sat Mar 06, 2010 12:07 pm
Google [Bot]
nothing works if it remains in words thus poets live,love only in words..
there is no step taken only words uttered but i am setting the pace...
i am speeding and i can not see any of you....come...ran...
Jasmine Hart
Gender
Points
15961
Reviews
661
Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:00 pm
Jasmine Hart
says...
·
Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:00 pm
Hi,
welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
This flows really nicely.
I'd put a comma after "words" and "love". I'd change "step taken" because it's a little stale. I'd change "ran" to run".
I'd also try to bring this outside the poet by using more imagery and referring to the readers.
Hope this helps.
Jas
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou
eldEr
Gender
Points
14918
Reviews
384
Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:03 pm
eldEr
says...
·
Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:03 pm
Google [Bot]
Hey!! I really loved this!! Nicely done!
Guu
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.
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I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera