Rock Fist

The thumb pushes the middle
and third fingers down into the palm
While the first and little finger
Push up, stretch up towards the sky,
Hand separating at
the middle, arm raised – down and up,
down and up.
I know this is who I’m going to be
Forever.

Hey there Sam,

I liked this poem quite a lot actually, which - I'm sorry to say - surprised me a little because I was a little bit thrown at the beginning. You make it really explicit and tell every step like it is, which in a way creates an individualism to it, but personally I found it a little methodological. However, once past the 3rd line I really started to enjoy it. Especially the simplicity of actions! It kind of makes the character behind the poem seem powerful, in a way it even makes the reader (me) admire who I am. It's a feel good poem I think and I get this from the ending line:

I know this is who I’m going to be
Forever.

Brilliant piece
Keep up the good writing, & I hope this helped a little.
Ben

Mattoo! I decided to give you a reviewoo!

First of all, I really like how you molded the theme, or the subject, into the poem. It's a perfect example of how you won't need to do a lot to have a lot. =D I liked the last half of the poem better, though -- the description with the fingers seems a bit forced at the moment, and too telling.

I also liked how you went with "down and up" instead of "up and down", haha. Nothing like breaking the routines! I found "hand separating at the middle" a bit... odd, but I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

The ending I thought was a bit abrupt, although I do like the image itself. The wording could just be a bit smoother.

Still, I rather like this poem. I think it's both expressive and effective, and the importance of the subject to you clearly shows. Sorry for not coming up with any wiser words; I'm a bit tired at the moment.

Hope this helpoo!


Demoo

Hey Matt,

This is really interesting. I love "down and up" and I think "forever£ works really well. I'd move "middle" on to the second line and give;
"I know this is who I’m going to be
Forever"

a stanza of its own, but that's just a personal taste thing.

I felt like there could be more...maybe try describing the scene more or shift the focus to the speaker's head or feet or something. I don't know if it would work but I think it's worth the experimentation.

Hope this helps.

Jas