Walls (part 2) [explicit words]

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9561
Reviews 77
The glare he gives me is cold. Icy. All he is here to do is give me my blended food. I bet this is how they do it. How they spill those bugs into me. My plan will stop them. He hands me the cup.
"You must be joking, I have to drink th-this with out h-help?" I stutter.
"Oh, right, you're in a strait jacket..." he mumbles. Mumbling. A sign of unsureness. Hah, he mumbles. I don't.
It's funny how much time you have, in here, to just think. I mean, if you repeat a word lots of times, it begins to sound really weird. Like the word weird. Weird. Haha. Oh! Come on Keith! Stay on track. The plan. Ok.
"Excuse me, my h-hands are n-numb... Can you loosen this j-jacket?" I begin.
"Hahaha! Is that the best excuse? No," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.
Superior? My ass. He is just a stuck up scientist. A waste. Other good scientists are okay. But these people. No. Just no. I stare into his pale bronze eyes. They are full of something. Something spiteful and hungry. Hungry for blood. I begin to hear a voice in my ear. Calling me.
Last edited by whatevr on Fri Mar 05, 2010 9:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Literally whatevr




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3888
Reviews 763
Hey Biffle!

Well, I just read part one and I must say, that was good, except for the sudden transition from detox to bugs.
Well, onto this, I think it was very (very) short. I think you'll need to add more to this part.
Oh! Come on Keith!
You could do with removing the Oh. It seems a little too dramatic.
Can you loosen this j-jacket?


I begin to hear a voice in my ear. Calling me.
Once again, the sudden shift of focus is a bit unnerving.

Anyway, I'd love to read more.
Keep writing.
~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.




You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh