The box

The pressure of this box
is crushing me.
Crushing my existence
crushing all my hopes, and dreams.
The pressure of what they want from me
is to much to hold.
I can't bear the pain
of not being enough for them.
Nothing I do is pleasing in their eyes
nothing is ever good enough.
So I give up
so that I can be free
of the box that trapped me
but what now
am I truly free
of pressure and pain?
Can I ever be free
of people's desires?
Will my dreams fly
or crash with the pills,
that tempt me?
Will kisses ever mean love,
or is it just a dare
to get what you want?
Will these choices
kill the dreams I once had?
Or will I fight the box
that threatens to cage me in?
My tear stained face is tired
tired of fighting,
but I have to fight the Box
whether it kills me or not.
I have to save what's left
of my half eaten soul,
before it's to late
to let the dreams fly.
I have to fight,
the Box.

This is really nice!
Bit in my opinion, you could combine some verses together and it would make it an easier read.
But poetry is whatever the reader wants it to be.
I could feel the frustration in this piece.
Really, really nice.

Hi! I like your rhetorical questions in this poem, and the emotion in it. However I have a couple of suggestions - firstly, try splitting it up into seperate stanzas, and secondly, make the lines a bit longer, just combine some of them. It's just that the lines are so short it sounds a little disjointed and makes it a bit harder to read. Oh, and at the end, you capitalise the "box" but in the rest of the poem you don't. It's interesting that you did capitalise it, giving it so much importance, and I think you should do one or the other consistently throughout the poem. I was going to have a play around with this to see what it would look like with longer lines and line breaks, but I'll let you have a go for yourself. Have fun!

Hey there!

Unfortunately, I found this poem a little uncomforting to be reading because you're lines are so short ~ which isn't necessarily a bad thing ~ but here it just doesn't work. It makes it sound very choppy; especially in the first few lines. Thus you lose captivation and don't intake many readers. It's too choppy. So I'd definately suggest to you to combine some of these lines into longer ones.

As for this 'box' I think it's a very creative concept, not amazingly original, but definately creative. Its a metaphor for emotion I'm guessing and it carries that message along stronly and the affect is pretty much sustained throughout. SO that's good. I also enjoyed the imagery and resistance you've shown through the language.

However, I would have a revise of your use of punctuation nearer the end because the clarity of where to stop is a bit confusing.

Any'oo keep up the good writing and I hope this helps,
Ben

Thank you for the wonderful reviews. I will start making some changes on the line length right now, and the punctuation all well. Thank you.

Hi there

I see that some people have already talked to you about the length of lines, and I was actually going to say that I like them the length they are. I myself tend to write with some smaller lines, but one way that my teacher taught me to make it smooth is by playing with punctuation. In poetry, it's sort of expected that you break punctuation rules, and so playing around with commas and periods can sometimes put a different feel to a few lines.

I also agreed with someone before who said to make it more than one stanza. Again however, I'm speaking from my own preference in my own writing. If you like it one stanza and want to keep it that way then do that

There was one question I had, and maybe it's because I didn't read it carefully enough, but I was wondering if the box was a metaphor for some other object or person, and what that might be. I'm going to go read the poem again though, to make sure that I didn't miss it

The box represents my parents, and other people that put pressure on me. Thank you for the review :]]

Ah, that makes sense Keep up the writing!