Without You

With you I get lost in your dazzling eyes
Without you I am lost with a sad, empty heart
With you my stomach gets butterflies
Without you I don’t know where to start
With you I get nervous but happy
Without you I get depressed
With you I get all sappy
Without you I have too much stress
With you I feel like I should be running
Without you I can hardly even stand
With you I love who I am becoming
Without you I hate who I am

First of all AWWWWW. Now that I've got that out the way, it has a really great rhythm and it almost sounds like a song. It has a simple but effective rhyming pattern and flows really well. I love the repetition of with you, without you its (as far as i know) and original and creative idea. I think the whole concept and story is just beautiful. Whoever you are writing it about is very lucky. I also love the way your so honest and open. I have but one criticism and that's that you could of used some bigger words. For me, it didn't detract from the poem but maybe to others with better vocabulary it might. To get my vocabulary up i just read hard stuff. It could probably also be technically better by using metaphors/ similes/ personification etc. But i love it and think maybe by not doing all those things it made your poem more honest because you simply stated what you were feeling which many peopl feel hard to do. But beside's all that. I think it was really a beautiful, sweet, poem and i wouldn't change much about it. So WELL DONE!!!

it's nice how you are being sweet and romantic to the poem..

Hello =)

Overall I think that generally it is a nice well written piece.
But however, I think that it could flow better. As your poem is a rhyming poem, to make the poem flow perfectly, the idea is to get the same amout of sylabols on either each line or every other line, so that the rhyming lines have the same amout of sylabols.

I feel also that the use of with and without is very good, the vocabulary is wide ranged, over all good job =) keep writing XD