Karen and Pingo, prologue

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3740
Reviews 22
Pitter patter. Tick tock. Everything was quiet except for the rain, the clock, and the desperate scribbles of pencils. It was 3:00 PM and we were taking a test, the last thing you want at the end of a day. I was already done and relaxing, but as I looked around, I could still see papers flying and frustrated people. It was Friday, Friday the thirteenth to be exact. Everyone was already paranoid because someone had gone around spraying graffiti all over the lockers, and now there's stupid Friday the thirteenth. Some people even tried to scare people, but no, I'm not that gullible. I'm Karen Lorenson, school reporter. I am the eyes, ears, and everything else for the school. I see everything that goes on, and I mean everything. Ding! The test was finally over. I ran to my locker to see that it was covered in graffiti. Oh yeah, they went way too far. My locker? Nobody ever touches my locker. I don't try to be intimidating, but it seems that since I took on this job, people avoid me. I can't really help that I have to report everything to Mr. Simms. Plus, I wouldn't have to do this if I got good grades. This was only an extra credit assignment until I actually started liking it. I ran to tell Principal Simms about the graffiti. He was there, sitting in a lounge chair, sipping coffee.

"Hello, Karen." He greeted. "Anymore news for me?"

"Yes, Mr. Simms." I replied, "My locker has graffiti painted all over. No, let me correct, pink graffiti."

"Five lockers so far." He tallied in his notebook, "I wonder how many more to go."

He dismissed me and I sauntered out the door. Everyone respected my space because, well, if anything happens to me, the principal is the first to know. I pushed the front doors open to reveal sunshine, birds, and happiness. No, let me correct, beeping cars, skyscrapers, and clouds. This is New York City. Reality is, nothing is white fluffy clouds and chirping bluebirds in New York City. I ran to meet my friend, Elizabeth, and we went over to Baskin Robins ice cream before we headed over to my house. When we finally got to our beloved ice cream, my sister, Bianca, walked in.

"What are you doing here?" We said at the same time.

"Aren't you supposed to be babysitting for the Carlisle's?" I asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be home being sweet and doing your homework?" She shot back.

Elizabeth and I finished our ice cream and we ran out the door. We started for my house when I heard barking. I followed the noise until I turned into an alley. A small, dirty, golden retriever puppy was sitting next to a dumpster.

"Aww... It's so cute!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

She reached out to pet it while I looked it over. My mom hated pets, especially dogs. It looked so cute, but I knew that neither one of us could take this little ball of sunshine home. Elizabeth's mom is allergic to dogs and cats and her dad had a bad experience with a puppy. I reached out to pet it and it shyed away. I coaxed a little and it became more confident. I stroked it ears and it yapped. Not a scared yap, but an excited one. I picked it up, not caring if my clothes got dirty, and headed home.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is just the prolougue. I have much more to come! :D
Last edited by penguinduan1 on Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:12 am, edited 3 times in total.
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 18529
Reviews 176
Wow, I really hate Karen already. If this is what you are going for, then nice work! If not, then try not to make Karen such a bratty little know-it-all. I do think you made her character a little too extreme, though.

Remember to spell out "new york city" at the end. Also, some of your italicized things are kind of funky. I wouldn't use italics at all, to be honest.

HOpe I helped you out,
Lena
stay gold, ponyboy




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3740
Reviews 22
I just revised... so is it better now???
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3740
Reviews 22
PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE! I NOW HAVE CHAPTER 1 READY!
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3740
Reviews 22
advice advice advice. COME ON!
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4278
Reviews 26
THIS IS THE WORST STORY I'VE EVER READ. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WROTE IT!!!! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE! aND WHY ARE YOU READING MY BOOK???? HUH?! WAT'S UR PROBLEM U LIKE GOIG INTO PPLS ROOMS, EATING THEIR RUFFLES, AND READING THEIR BOOKS WHILE THYE TYPE COMMENTS ABOUT UR STORY AND STARE AT YOU?! HUH?! Jk, good story awesome person! KEEP IT UP!

~Hugs and Kisses (and not the weird way)

Rosie
If you're mad at someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either
a rock star or an opera diva.


:3 ROSE WUZ HERE :3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8485
Reviews 56
Hey, I realy liked the story, it was good. I don't think I saw any big mistakes in the passage so Keep it up. Karen didn't seem bad to me, but I guess you changed the story a bit after the first comment.
But overall, it was good. I'm on my way to read chapter 2.

Ikafe :P
"Even in the darkness, my heart will you..."
"How do you escape from yourself?"
"...open your eyes, and see..."

Ikafe



Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
— George Wallace