Love's Most Sinister Whisper

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Points 2014
Reviews 5
Whispers of a love long gone,
Ghosts of the past simply float on,
Needles prick the heart with each sad song,
Memories draw blood as we all move along.

Painfully the banshee in your chest screams,
Then whispers the one thing that cannot be:
"I love thee, I love thee, oh why must I love thee
When I know that thou cannot, will never love me.

This blanket of comfort, this warmth within pain,
The soreness spreads at the sound of his name.
Enshrouded in wounds and the curse of affection
The friendship and fondness becomes an infection

And the levels of hell are all in the heart,
The suffering is nothing with which we will part,
So take a deep breath as the melody starts

Tears can drown the sight of him
Flames can consume our love within
But nothing quells this emotional torrent
This epitome of love's soul-rotting torment

Damned from the onset of the first lustful gaze
That evolved into depth, like the Minotaur's maze
We followed our hearts to the heart of design
And found the monster of love's vengeance divine
Dedalus' hands keep the victims of this
Trapped forever in love's labyrinth abyss

Damaged and broken and only you fit
God damn this, god damn you, god damn all of it
You son of a bitch you lent me that taste
Of happiness, of joy, of pleasures unchaste
Forever I will sit here alone and wait
Against my own will for this man that I hate
The woman who cherished
her suffering is dead. I am her descendant.
I love the scar-tissue she handed on to me,
but I want to go on from here with you
fighting the temptation to make a career of pain.
--Adrienne Rich




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wow. that was the best poem i've ever read - no jokes. I'm serious, you have real talent. it was full of emotion and descrpition and flowed so well. it was brilliant. keep it up and you'll be more famous than shakespear




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Points 23425
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Hello! I really like this. It's well written, has good rhyming and it flows well. However, a couple of lines, such as "Trapped forever in love's labyrinth abyss" were a bit tricky to wrap my tongue around. I also think it would be better if you stuck with one perspective - a lot of the time you seem to be talking to a guy, but then once or twice you talked about him instead. I also don't really like the use of "thee" but I understand that you used it to fit in with the rhyme. Overall, a sophisticated, well-written poem.
Matt.



Don't let fear keep you from some amazing opportunities.
— WeepingWisteria