The silent killer chapters 1&2

This doesn't have any action yet, but it will do.

“RUN!” I roared.

“NOT WITHOUT YOU!” she roared back;


Then it hit me.

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Beep, Beep.

Ugh, the alarm is annoying.

Beep, Beep.

I look at the clock; 6:30 AM.

Why would it be anything else, I wake up everyday to this.

But I have other ideas today.

I pull the plug out of the socket and went back to bed.


When I finally dragged myself out of the bed, I checked my phone - six missed calls and three text messages.

Typical.

Naturally I expected them to be from my crazy in love ex. Everyday it’s ‘I still love you’ or ‘I miss you, I love you’ or maybe when she had a few beers inside her it would be ‘Meet me in the tub, Not pants necessary’ Yes; things like that, and it gets worse.

I didn’t get a single one from her today... Hmm, maybe her phone broke.

It was my boss. "You’d better be in today or I will kill you!”

Hmm, I could get him chucked in a cell for that.

Nah, what’s the point?

I’d get funny faces at work and my bloody annoying ex would text and say ‘Baby you’re a hero!’

But no, I wouldn’t be. Must block her number.


Another text read ‘DO YOU WANT TO BE FIRED?!!’

Well, yes, to be honest. I hate my job. Come on, I am a assistant in a 24 hour shop.

Not the best thing ever.


Another text read ‘You have two hours.’

Huh, No death threats, Weird.

But It was sent a half hour ago.

I’m going to go to my boss and tell him to stuff it.


Yeah… Like that’s gonna happen.

Chapter two!

I don’t think high of myself,
I’m a fully grown man with a beard.
I consider that a goal I accomplished a few years ago, with my friends, the good old days.
I am 5”7 and have beautiful blue eyes and luscious lips, apparently, and a big nose and a smile which just welcomes you in, who said this to me?
I’m quite lazy and I love a drink with my friends.
Any takers ladies?

Actually I don’t think that would be wise, my ex would smash you to smithereens, I mean, she’s a friendly girl, too friendly sometimes, but with a glowing complexion, long blonde hair and with baby blue eyes, She could have any guy she wanted, Why did she choose me then?
She says that it’s fate and there’s nothing I can do about it, Yeah well watch me try.

So I’m scanning my phone for texts I am still confused about why Michelle hasn’t text me, ha, bet it’s a trick to text her.
It works though.
Before I know it, I’m texting her,
‘Hey,
You okay?
Not heard from you in awhile,
Text back,
Damian.’

Don’t know why I put my name there, she’ll know it,
I’ve known her for a long time,
For a few years or so,
But we finished a few weeks ago,
I was wondering why she still hadn’t text me back.

My curious question was answered quite quickly when a reply had whizzed through my phone.
‘I need to see you now, This isn’t a trick, but something’s wrong’
A sense of panic struck through me, what was the matter? What’s wrong? Why am I thinking about it and not texting her back?
I am though,
‘Michelle we’ve known each other for years, just tell me what’s wrong’
A reply comes back quicker than I expected.
‘I think I’m pregnant’


Thanks for reading and please make a comment. x =)

Hi, PenNPaper here to review!

“RUN!” I roared.
“NOT WITHOUT YOU!” she roared back;

Okay, first thing here, there is an exclamation mark on the second line, so the letter following that should be in CAPS. Secondly, I wouldn't advise you to use CAPS in dialogue, you already have exclamation marks so that would be enough.

Meet me in the tub, Not pants necessary

This sentence feels wrong, how about trying to change it to 'meet me in the tub, no pants necessary'.

I am a assistant

The 'a' in 'assistant' is a vowel, meaning that the word before it cannot be 'a', it must be 'an'.

baby blue eyes, She could have any guy she wanted, Why did she choose me then?

The letter after a comma MUST always be in small letters unless it's a name.

This story was pretty good, except for a few tenses or punctuation mistakes here and there. I like the cliffhanger ending, but it was kind of cliche, you see all of those guys who have broken up with their ex and then later found that she's pregnant, it happens a lot. There's no need to change it if you don't want to, just a suggestion. More or less you have drew me into the story, I will try and review your other chapters if you want me to. It's alright if you don't. But , most of the time, I will, even without an invitation, hehe. Don't need to feel scared or anything though, I don't think you are.

Good luck and keep writing, bye for now!

Hi HannahDutson_x
I like this and I think that it has a goodplot but Idon't quite understand why this is in action and adventure.
I see that PenNPaper has nit-picked before me so I can't be bothered to do it again.
midnightread

Yo,
my um... three cents

I pull the plug out of the socket and went back to bed.- tenses. Changing tenses from paragraph to paragraph is acceptable if you can swing it, but changing tenses in a one sentence is not okey

Yes; things like that, and it gets worse.- aha! Age/gender problem. No grown man with a beard, hehe, would say anything like this, implying that there is something disturbing and out of the ordirnary about this, unless he is a religious fundamentalist in a similar circle of friends - hence talking to us like we are one of them. And we assume this is not the case, right? Just on ordirnary Joe, who would brag, or share stuff like this cooly, but not say it like a schoolgirl

But no, I wouldn’t be. Must block her number.- something here is not right? I don't know what though. Just a style alarm went off.
Good job so far!