Triple Travel Tales Part 3

This is the third section of the really big first Chapter of Triple Travel Tales, now--- I hope --- it will be easier to review!
Part 3
Spain is not Plain
We all knew Juliet wanted to go to Spain rather than Italy first. She also was thinking about some very persuasive and unpersuasive things to persuade Jasmine. At first she thought, “I’ll trick Corny into saying all these good things by saying all these bad things that wouldn’t persuade her, then I’ll attack with the best monologue I’ve ever had in my whole intire life.” She was still intrested in doing the same plan so she started off with the incepient of her “debate” with what she thought of on the spot as a good hook for her monologue.
“ Since we’re deciding which place to go first, Spain is the best path to go. Spain has a lot of intresting things for tourists that are much better than Italy’s good touring places.
Like La Sangrada Familia is a world renoun and a great place to tour. La Sangrada Familia was originally designed by Antoni Gaudí (1852–1926), who worked on the project for over 40 years, devoting the last 15 years of his life entirely to the endeavor, the project is scheduled to be completed in 2026. On the subject of the extremely long construction period, Gaudí is said to have remarked, "My client is not in a hurry." After Gaudí's death in 1926, work continued under the direction of Domènech Sugranyes until interrupted by the Spanish Civil War in 1936.
Parts of the unfinished church and Gaudí's models and workshop were destroyed during the war by Catalan anarchists. Luckliy we can still see a lot of his wounderful monument. At night it looks like a pure gold building. La Sangrada Familia is a wonderful must see monument.”said Juliet, not following her plan.
“ Barcelonia also has a bull fighting arena it’s not the most popular place like the colloseum is but it is a place we could see.”
“Also there’s Park Guell. Park Guell is an absolute must-see when visiting Barcelona!
The park was commissioned by Graf Eusebi Güell in 1900. Eusebi was very much adherent to the idea English garden cities.
However, the project failed before its completion due to financial reasons. In the run-up to the project 60 villas were supposed to be sold in order to finance the garden city.
Unfortunately Gaudí’s and Güell’s idea was not being accepted by the Catalan upper class and thus hardly any villas were being demanded. Only Gaudí and a friend each bought one of the buildings.
Gaudí’s model house can still be seen in the Park Güell today.
The so-called Museu Casa Gaudí displays among other things the personal belongings of the artist, such as chattels, home appliances and his drawing material.
Gaudí attached great importance to construct the park in an environmental friendly manner. For example he used waste of the nearby ceramic factory. For the most part he civilized the landscape as he found it. Instead of unnaturally adapting it, he adjusted his construction plans to the local condition. For this purpose he used terraces and supporting walls, which perfectly harmonizes with the terrain due to the organic forms. It would be lots of fun to be able to walk through the park. The bench at the Guell Park snakes its way around the edge of a large open-air square. The park was originally designed as an idealistic housing complex, and was built between 1900 and 1914. Construction of the bench was in the later stages (1910 to 1913). Gaudì is said to have used seated workmen as actual models for the form of the seat. Jujol carried out the decoration, using tiles as trencadis, with handmade ceramics, including hand-painted discs. He added colour and graffiti (such as crosses, prayers to the Virgin Mary and his own signature) to tiles and fired them again. Much of this unique input remained undiscovered until 1964.”
“That does sound quite interesting.” Jasmine gave in, “but even though it has that park, would that be better than skiing or Carnival?”
“In my opinion it would.” Juliet replied nodding her head. “We wouldn’t have a hard time speaking the language. In Italy there language is harder to learn. Spanish is easier; we’re learning it in school as one of our electives so it will be much easier to communicate with the Spaniards.”
“It would be harder for us to learn if Mom weren’t there. We can learn from her teaching us and she can translate for us if we need her to.” Jasmine pointed out.
“There are also lots of Spanish explorers. The early Spanish explorers established the overseas Empire of Spain. The Empire dates to 1469 when Princess Isabella of Castile married Ferdinand of Aragon. They became Queen Isabella I and King Ferdinand V of Spain and they began to build an empire. In 1492 the King and Queen of Spain financed the voyage of Christopher Columbus to America, the New World. In 1494 all of the lands in the New World were claimed by Spain. These explorers are the one we are recently reading about in history. It would be fun to be able to see were the places are or how they lived.” Juliet used a matter of a fact voice. “There’s even a list of them! Look at all of these explorers!” Juliet handed Jasmine a two paged list of explorers she had just printed out.
“Wow! That’s a lot of explorers.” Jasmine exclaimed.
“Come on Jazzy, can’t we go to Spain first? Please.” Juliet made a puppy face. It does not have as many things as Italy does, but it would be nice to have a little bit of time for relaxation. Spain is worse than Italy in some ways, but it’s better or at least equal to with Italy in a lot of ways . Spain is at least a little better than Italy. Just think of all the good things that I’ve just told you and all the things that you know. Don’t you think that we could go to Spain first? Carnival we can always do next year. Please agree with me please. Will you? Will you tell Dad that we want to go to Spain first? Will you?”
“Maybe.” Jasmine respond, “Maybe.”
Many things were now whizzing through Jasmine’s brain. She had just almost given in! She had never done that before so she thought of a better idea before she said no.
“Well if Jessica agrees than I’ll agree.” she said, “So the girls went to were Jessica was playing her Sonic the Hedgehog video game.
“What’s up!” She exclaimed and half questioned, “have you gals decided where you would like to go first.
“No, we have not.” Jasmine responded, “ I’m not going to tell Dad we want to go to Spain first if you don’t agree with Juliet.”
Jasmine was hopping that she would win, but she didn’t want Juliet to get all mad at her. So she was hopping that Jessica would tell Juliet that she wanted her to win then Juliet would get all mad, but Dad would tell Juliet that it was just how regular life was and for her to do something constructive. She giggled at the thought. Then she snapped back to attention. While Jessica was just beginning to say, smiling, “Sorry, Corny, Jessica sometimes called Jasmine this since her favorite name was Cornelia, but….”
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Juliet cut her off and hugged her until she turned green. When she let go Jessica looked very surprised. For she had a joke to play in mind.
“Let the girl finish her sentence! Before she dies of suffocation!” Jasmine mumbled the last sentence. Juliet rolled her eyes and smiled to herself.
For neither Jasmine nor Juliet knew what was about to happen.
“Jasmine’s right you might want to listen to the sentence before you smoother me with love. She winked at Jasmine and then began again, “Sorry Jassy but, I think that you are the WINNER of this round.”
Juliet gasped and then yelled, “You! You mean, vicious, beast!”
“Thank you! We take that as a compliment!” her sisters giggled and waved, gave each other high- fives, and then had a great time telling their Dad right in front of Juliet.
“Amber Brown IS a crayon!” they yelled, laughed and then walked away. The triplets always called each other Amber Brown if a person lost or made a foolish mistake.
Their Dad even laughed at the joked and walked with them. Congratulating Jasmine and telling them that he hopped that she would win. Then he treated them like royalty for the whole time! Juliet though 'Jessica usually doesn't side with Jasmine! Why did she today?Juliet had forgot a pie prank she had pulled on Jessica last week. A pie totally made of man ayes went right in Jessica’s face! Since she had forgoten this, she didn't know that Jessica was just getting back at her for what Jessie called unfair treatment.

Author's note:
Italy turns out to actually be a pretty nice place to visit. There are many good places to visit though; just this one really stands in the top row with the other great top row place... should I say it? I guess I should... Spain!

Please criticize a lot! I want to see if people hate it, love it , or in between! It’s my first story that I'm submitting!
Hope you enjoyed
-- Triple Travel Tales Authoress --

why isn't this my geography textbook?
why???
i like this series, its short, and i can re-read it without feeling bored since they're facts!

Thanks! tmasia!
Do you have any critisizem though?
Other people did on my first and second part. But you're the only one who's commented on this one, and you just said you liked it!
Please shred me!
TTT

First off, the dates confused me a little. Did you need to have so much information packed into this? Um, okay. I couldn't really tell who was talking when, which was also confusing. I don't doubt that the places are worth visiting, and I wouldn't mind visiting them myself one day... I didn't pick up on much of a plot or anything and the pace was a little too fast in places. I don't doubt that Italy and Spain are worth visiting, but I don't see where this is headed. I'm not sure about anyone else, but maybe if you alter this a bit and tried not to pack so much detail into it, it could be easier to read.

It's good to see you writing such detailed work. It's enough to rival Tolkien (and his work is very difficult to read, by the way). Keep up the writing and don't let anything deter you. Not even me.

Scarlett.

Thanks Scarlett!
Great encouragement!

Then next parts woun't be as packed with info though.
it will be more light and easier to read.
I suppose you didn't really like it... .......
I hope you'll catch part 4 to see the difference, because I can't really change it with out changing the whole story.
Thanks for the critiquing though! I suppose you got bored from it though...
I won't get angry but i have to say that I wasn't to happy to hear that it was to difficult to read.
Thanks a lot though...literally
TTT

Hello TTT! I'm going to do a blanket review on all three parts so far, since they're essentially the same story. Warning: I'm going to be honest. You said you can handle it. Just please keep in mind that I say these things so you can grow as a writer, not to crush your self-esteem.

So. First of all. PROOFREAD. It looks as if you pounded this all out and clicked "submit" without re-reading it even once. The biggest thing you need to figure out is dialogue, as has been mentioned before. Here is a guide on how to punctuate your conversations between characters. Read through that very carefully, and then go back and change those periods into commas and so on. Also, check your spacing with quotation marks. Sometimes you put an extra space in, and sometimes you forgot the space altogether!

Also, go ahead and label who's talking, because it's hard for us to figure out.

The main, glaring issue with this story so far is that it seems as if you copy/pasted it from a tourist website or a geography textbook. It's great that you know (or found out) so much about Italy and Spain. But a story, a fictional tale, is just not the place to dump all of that information. You have these huge chunks of facts that you rattle off, and, as readers, that's just not very interesting! We want to hear about characters and plot and all the exciting stuff going on in your story. We really don't need to know when Antoni Gaudi lived, and who built this super special bench.

I know it's hard to hear this, but I think I need to say it: scrap these first three parts. When you read a story, the beginning needs to hook you in for you to keep reading, right? This isn't much of a hook. How about, instead of telling us every possible thing about Spain and Italy RIGHT THIS MINUTE, you save the interesting and important facts for when the triplets actually arrive there. That way, the info is incorporated into your story, instead of stuck on at the front.



A general rule of story writing is: start as close to the end as possible, and write scenes only that need to be written. I'm pretty sure you can take everything you've done in these three parts and spread them thinner into the story. That stuff about the triplets, too. Instead of telling us in the beginning how persuasive Jasmine is, show us that as we get to know her as a character. Show, don't tell!

You just need to re-evaulate this story, and figure out where the adventure really starts-- because it doesn't start here. Best of luck, and PM me for anything else you need!

~Evi