Friends Don't Back Down {Chapter 2; Part 1; first draft]

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[Okay, this is the second chapter to my story string. Just a little more action will be evident in this addition.]

[Gotta warn ahead of time, this story at some point will have some content in it that some may not want to read. This content is basicly homosexual in nature, but nothing really bad, like saying two guys started making out. Just warning you ahead of time]

Damnit, how do I get myself into these situations? Zeek thought as he was cornered by three big dobermans. The biggest of them, Artingham, bent low to Zeek's height and pulled his lip into a cruel grin. He sent a meaty paw into Zeek's stomach with a sickening thud, receiving a few snickers from his two crones and a grunt from Zeek.

"Now, my little weasel friend, what did you call me just moments ago? I'm a little hard of hearing." Zeek bared his teeth and spit at the bully's feet in rebellion.

"Well, maybe if you cleaned the stupid from your ears then maybe you'd hear me calling you a stupid pridurok!" he said, anger tightening his throat. Although he wasn't the tallest, or the biggest, or the fastest, he was the best at name calling. Though that doesn't exactly get one anywhere when it comes to bullies. Artingham laughed, then quickly punched Zeek in his stomach again.

"You are the dumb one, Zeekey. I've told you time and time before that calling me names in Russian will only result in you getting beat up more and more." He pulled his fist back once again, though this time he aimed for Zeek's face. Zeek closed his eyes and turned his head, waiting for the hit...

But it never came.

Zeek opened his eyes and saw Artingham holding his fist in the air, shaking slightly. His two crones were watching, confusion striking their faces. Zeek shifted his gaze to Artingham's eyes and moments later, the bully lowered his fist and turned to walk away, without so much as glancing back or saying a word. Zeek stood rooted to the spot, dumbfounded.

"What the hell happened with that?" he asked himself as the two crones quickly followed their leader, looking to each other and mouthing out a conversation. Zeek began walking himself, deciding to get out of there in case Artingham changed his mind.

Zeek began walking through a huge field filled with cattle and prairie grass, taking the shortcut home. He hummed as he looked at all the low flying birds and saw fish in the pond swim lazily. Despite getting the crap beaten out of him and viewing the odd occurrence with his bully, he was in a rather good mood. Who wouldn't be on a day where the sun was just over the horizon and you just avoided getting your face punched in?

Finally reaching his neighborhood, Zeek walked slowly on the road, looking at the houses and watching little kids play in their front yards. He saw his best friend, Brandon, was sitting outside his house, and decided to go see him. He trotted up the driveway and up the porch where the black weasel was sitting, reading a book.

"Hey, Zeek, you look terrible," he said, using an old joke they'd started years ago. He glanced up from his book and grinned, flashing his oddly large fangs. His chocolate eyes and his huge teeth were definitely the most intimidating part about Brandon, who was at least a hundred times stronger, faster, and at least three quarter's of a foot taller than Zeek. Zeek nodded and sat down next to his fellow weasel friend.

"You, too, mate. Just had a small skirmish with Arting again, but everything turned out all right. Though the weirdest thing did happen that ended the fight." Brandon looked at Zeek intently.

"Really now? What happened?"

"He jsut stopped and walked away. He dropped his fist and turned and left me and his crones without so much as a say so." Zeek leaned back in the lawn chair he sat in, and Brandon hunched over, placing his elbows on his knees.

"That's odd. Wonder why he did that?" Zeek shrugged and looked out across his friend's yard, watching as the sun began to set. After a few minutes of being quiet, Zeek stood up and trotted down the porch steps.

"Well, I'm outie, dude. I'll see you at school, dude." Brandon nodded and gave an ,"Aye," in response and went back to his book.

Zeek went back to humming as he strolled the few blocks to his house. It had already started to get dark, but he didn't care. His parents wouldn't mind it if he came home from wondering around late. It's not like he had a girl friend or someone that he would be with right now.

Thinking about having a girl friend nearly made him stop in his tracks. "Wait, do I even want a girl friend?" he said to himself, for whatever reason he didn't know. He'd thought about the subject before and always gave himself the same answer: I'm a boy and boys are supposed to like girls... right? He put it off into the back of his mind as he arrived at home.

He opened the door and heard a loud creak, signaling that once again the door needed to be oiled. But Zeek didn't really care. Wasn't his problem. He walked into his living room and fell in a chair sideways, sticking his legs over the side. The next thing he knew, two small ferrets had jumped into his lap and stomach, knocking the wind out of him. One of the two ferrets kissed Zeek's cheek and the other hugged his mid section.

"Yay, big brother's home! e missed you!" said one ferret, the boy of the two, the one with his paws wrapped around Zeek's stomach. He was wearing some white shorts and a tan shirt, each of which had a large, red stain going down the middle, forming a long line. The brown fur around his muzzle was also stained red.

The other ferret twin, the girl of the two, the one that had kissed Zeek on the cheek, giggled loudly in Zeek's ear and bounced on his stomach. "We made a cake with Mama!" she said joyously. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a shirt that matched her brother's, being that their mom liked to dress them alike, being twins and all. Zeek coughed a bit and lifted her off his stomach so he could breathe.

"I see that, Marry. Looks like Marten got more cake on his clothes and face than in the oven." Marten smiled brightly at Zeek and jumped off him, running back into the kitchen, quickly followed by Marry.

Zeek got up to follow them as they called for him, wanting him to try some cake. He walked into the kitchen and saw his mom cutting up a few pieces of cake.

Zeek's mom was a pretty type of ferret, having chocolaty brown fur and hazel eyes. She was built healthily: not too thin, not too big, right in the middle. Her whiskers were clean and her hair was long and flowing, with a few streaks of blonde in it. If someone looked at her, though, and then looked at Zeek, they'd definetely get whiplash from turning their head back and forth so much. Well, until Zeek told them he was adopted. He parents told him time ad time again when he was a pup that he was adopted. They didn't want him growing up thinking he wasn't, even though it was obvious by the fact that he was a weasel and the rest of his family were ferrets.

She looked up at Zeek and inserted a fork into her mouth, apparently not feeling too regretful of eating the rich strawberrie cake.

"Hey, honey, want some cake?" she asked as she held up a plate of the delicious looking cake with strawberries in it and with the cream cheese icing. The good icing.

"You know it, Mom," he said as he reached for the plate she held, only to grab air as she pulled it away. She wagged a finger at him.

"Sorry, weasel boy, but this piece's mine. You can get yourself a plate." She stuck her tongue out at Zeek and chuckled. This was a normal occurrence for Zeek's family. They kidded with each other all the time and pulled jokes and such for fun. His mom was the reigning champ at pulling jokes, which made Zeek suspicious of the piece of cake he had picked.

It had gotten dark outside by the time Zeek, his mom, and the twins had finished the cake. Thankfully, his mom did not put any sugar in it, so the twins were still ready for bed as soon as it was time. Zeek caught himself yawning soon and began heading down the hall to his room where he'd have to start his homework and then he'd pass out on his bed. His mom stopped him halfway across it, though.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. This letter came for you in the mail," she said as she handed him an un-open envelope. Zeek grabbed the letter and thanked his mom before kissing her good night and heading to his room. He threw the letter on his night stand and fell on his bed face first, deciding to ignore it for now.
Have you ever seen the things a typing weasel types? No? Then what are you looking at now?

"They say I'm the crazy one, when in truth everyone that works here are the true crazy ones..." ~Quopte from "Madhouse"

"I wanna play a game..." ~From "Saw I-VI"




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Hmm, well, I guess I need to revise kinda badly...
Last edited by Zeek_Weasel on Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
Have you ever seen the things a typing weasel types? No? Then what are you looking at now?

"They say I'm the crazy one, when in truth everyone that works here are the true crazy ones..." ~Quopte from "Madhouse"

"I wanna play a game..." ~From "Saw I-VI"




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Points 4569
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First of all, NEVER trash your own writing like that. You are setting yourself up for failure. If you notice problems in your work, use the EDIT button to fix it. Also, if you're seeing things that could be improved in your work before anyone reviews it, it means you should probably have edited it more before posting it.

That being said, on to the review.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: Damnit, how do I get myself into these situations? Zeek thought as he was cornered by three big dobermans.


I hope that your username is based off of your character, rather than your character and username being based off yourself. Having a character with the same name or nickname as you is a MAJOR warning sign for Mary-Sue syndrome.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: He sent a meaty paw into Zeek's stomach with a sickening thud,


Sent sounds like a passive action. I would use a more aggressive verb.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: "Now, my little weasel friend, what did you call me just moments ago? I'm a little hard of hearing." Zeek bared his teeth and spit at the bully's feet in rebellion.


These bullies need to get more creative with their threats. I'm pretty sure I've heard that one before.

Zeek_Weasel wrote:he was the best at name calling.


BEST. SKILL. EVER. !

Zeek_Weasel wrote:"You are the dumb one, Zeekey. I've told you time and time before that calling me names in Russian will only result in you getting beat up more and more."


I think it might be more understandable for the reader if we find out what the Russian insult is. As well, I think that we should find out that it is in Russian from Zeek's thoughts, rather than what the bullies are saying.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: But it never came.
His two crones were watching,


Unless they are old women, I believe the word you are looking for is cronies.

Zeek_Weasel wrote:Zeek began walking through a huge field filled with cattle and prairie grass, taking the shortcut home.


It would be nice if we heard about setting earlier on. Where is he being beaten up?

Zeek_Weasel wrote:Despite getting the crap beaten out of him and viewing the odd occurrence with his bully, he was in a rather good mood.


Huh? He is watching himself get beaten up?

Zeek_Weasel wrote: and at least three quarter's of a foot taller than Zeek.


Aren't weasels only a foot tall? So would this make Brandon twice the height of the average weasel?

Zeek_Weasel wrote:wondering


wandering

Zeek_Weasel wrote:It's not like he had a girl friend or someone that he would be with right now.


Most parents don't want their kids going out late at night whether or not they have a girlfriend.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: Thinking about having a girl friend nearly made him stop in his tracks. "Wait, do I even want a girl friend?" he said to himself, for whatever reason he didn't know. He'd thought about the subject before and always gave himself the same answer: I'm a boy and boys are supposed to like girls... right? He put it off into the back of his mind as he arrived at home.


Aww, this weasel needs a hug!
It's okay little weasel! It's okay to be gay!

Zeek_Weasel wrote: He opened the door and heard a loud creak, signaling that once again the door needed to be oiled.


Awkward. Does anyone actually oil their door?

Zeek_Weasel wrote:One of the two ferrets kissed Zeek's cheek and the other hugged his mid section.


I'm pretty sure that ferrets don't kiss.

Zeek_Weasel wrote:
the boy of the two


That is a very awkward phrase.

Zeek_Weasel wrote:each of which had a large, red stain going down the middle, forming a long line. The brown fur around his muzzle was also stained red.


This makes them sound like serial killers!
Also, why are the ferrets wearing clothes, and why does only the girl ferret kiss his cheek? I find this sexist.

Zeek_Weasel wrote: This was a normal occurrence for Zeek's family. They kidded with each other all the time


I think most families do that. This line seems a little unnecessary.

Zeek_Weasel wrote:Thankfully, his mom did not put any sugar in it,


How can you make a cake without sugar?????


I'm not really sure why you decided to make your characters animals. You write about them behaving exactly the same as humans - I don't think ferrets kiss, have "hair", girlfriends, live in houses or wear clothes, so why don't you just make them human?

I like your ideas, but I think that there are a number of awkwardly phrased sentences. This is definitely not like any story I've read before!

Keep writing! :)
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- There is no sin except stupidity - Oscar Wilde -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-




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Well, I must say you rose some good points. I know I put that at the end about it sucking, but one: I say that about everything I do. I say I'm nt that good at playing the saxophone, yet my band director says I'm the best he's ever taught, and two: I was kinda just saying that as a joke, take acount the last "ha!" Well, anyways on with the story comment...

Ugh, I can't tell you how many times this subject has been raised. Allow me to give you a crash course in anthro-dom.

1. Anthromorphs are human-like animals. They talk, walk on two legs, wear clothes, kiss, bake, run, write, love, etc.

2. Anthromorphs are human-like! They are the size of humans. They get muscles like humans. Think of it like you, with a fur coat and a tail.

3. Look up "Redwall" by Brian Jacques. His world is full of animal characters. I'm not sure whether or not they are human-like or feral, but indeed they are animals with human traits.

Oh, and yes, my name is based off of my character's name, err, nickname. His full name is Ezekiel Tillerby Rantineer. I'll explain more about his name in either a future part of this story, or a future chapter in my story string. More than likely the latter, when he's older.
Well, I have to go, and I'll edit/revise tonight, and I hope you and everyone else stop pestering me about the animal characters. I don't exactly do humans.
Have you ever seen the things a typing weasel types? No? Then what are you looking at now?

"They say I'm the crazy one, when in truth everyone that works here are the true crazy ones..." ~Quopte from "Madhouse"

"I wanna play a game..." ~From "Saw I-VI"



The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451