Shifters: Chapter 4

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I know it's been a while, I try to publish every week, but I've been busy. I'm posting this chapter and will post the next one on the week-end...
Enjoy :D


Chapter 8

Apparently we did have lots of work to do. Ben spent the rest of the day torturing my, as he called it, "completely-out-of-shape" body. Personally, I didn't mind being a couch potato; I loved to watch TV, read books, play video games and other so called lazy stuff. Although, right then, my muscles were begging to differ.

Ben had made me run around the gym, do push-ups and sit-ups and a multitude of other endurance activities, for what felt like days. I'd noticed Anthony watching once, with a very displeased look on his face and in the set of his body. He never interjected though, not even when I was pleading Ben for a break - which, for the record, he never gave-. The man was ruthless, despite his nice and calm attitude. I could've strangled him for what he put me through.

When I'd finally gotten home, it'd taken all of two minutes to feed Abby, hop in bed and fall asleep. I could've stayed there for days, if not for a persistent annoyance, commonly known as Anthony, waking me up to go to school. I'd jumped out of bed and had pulled myself together in record time, despite my oh-so-aching muscles. Anthony just chuckled the entire time, patting a very happy Abby.

Luckily, we made it not only on time to school, but with a couple minutes to spare. However, it's only when I saw my friends' wide eyes gawking at me that I remembered they hadn't seen my new hair and acne-free face. I still wasn't use to it, even after having checked myself out for quite some time the day before.

So after getting a few compliments - and some dirty looks from CJ -, I went on a whole scenario about how I suddenly got sick of my looks and went to a specialized salon for a makeover. "I wanted to surprise you!" I'd exclaimed, mostly for CJ's benefit. They'd believed it. Mostly.

* * *

The rest of the day, and week, passed in a flash. I went to school with Tony during the day and trained my body in the afternoons, after doing my homework. Jason had taken charge though, and was surprisingly softer than Ben had been for training. Thank goodness.

He'd told me repeatedly that the first step was to build up my body as best as possible. "Shifters normally inherit their gifts at puberty, so it's an easy fix to grown them into a strong physique. Plus, any changes done to them, like your hair for example, is deemed typical of growing males. You, on the hand, only just came into your powers. So this could either take a very long time, or be the quickest training ever done. It's all up to you."

And so we started his "fitness challenge". In other words: sprinting, weight-lifting, push-ups, balance beams, sit-ups, jump rope, pull-ups, the occasional wrestling and oh so many other amusing activities. Not.

Afterwards, I'd asked for the weekend off, since my parents were coming home. Surprisingly, they'd agreed wholeheartedly. And so there I was, spending not-so-quality time with them. Like always, they arrived at noon on Saturday, we left and did groceries for the next two weeks and then went to our usual Vietnamese restaurant. I talked a little - leaving out everything recent that had happened-, mainly discussing my hair, and they pretended to listen. They didn't comment on anything. They never did.

The next stop was home, where we went and did our own separate things. I locked myself in my bedroom to do some homework. Glorious homework.

Suddenly the door flew open and my father came striding in angrily. Normally he was a rather handsome man with his chocolate brown hair and moustache. But with the way his green eyes were blazing with fury and his tall and scrawny frame was set, he radiated menace. Experience had taught me to be on my best behaviour then.

"What happened to the telephones Crystal? Where are they?" he demanded to know.

I remembered then when Tony had told me that the witch who repaired my house couldn't fix electronics. I never used the telephones, only my cell phone, so I hadn't even thought about them. "Forgive me Father, there was an accident and the phones were damaged beyond repair. I had to dispose of them.”

He took that in for a moment, until my mother came in. A short blonde with bright blue eyes, she was also pretty, but the complete lack of positive attitude in her had turned her, slowly, into a shrew of a woman. She'd also started to smoke not long ago, causing her skin to dry up. She looked almost ten years older than her actual thirty-seven.

They glanced to each other, a silent communication passing between them. Then they regarded me again, both harbouring a look of disdain. "Very well," my father stated dryly "we will replace them, but under no circumstances are you to damage any more. You hear me little missy?"

At my lack of response, Mother became angered. "Did you get that, you ‘lil brat?" Finally I gave a curt nod, and she smiled in satisfaction. She'd felt as though she'd won, and as I was in no mood to retaliate, she did.

She left my room, and Father grabbed a hold of the door knob. He paused before closing the door though. "We are having representatives over here next month, a business meeting, you see. I suggest you find somewhere else to be. I don't want to be ashamed in their presence." And with that, he shut the door.

I came up behind it and resisted the urge to punch a hole in the door. Instead I leaned my head against it, closing my eyes for the briefest of seconds.

"Why do they hate you so much?" someone asked behind me.

I whirled around to find Tony completely outstretched on my bed, arms crossed under his head. My bed was relatively big in its queen size bed, but he consumed so much space on it that it seemed relatively small. Yet it took up most of my room, the only other furniture being my bookcase, my small dresser, the DVD rack along with the TV and stereo desk. The rest of my stuff hid in my neatly organised closet.

"What do you mean? What are you doing here?" I asked.

“I was doing a round, and decided to come and check up on you.” What they called “rounds” was actually them going hunting for anything bad. Sometimes there was nothing, but they had people who kept them up to date, so they usually had a little bit of work to do. Or fun, as they would say.

I glanced to the slightly opened window. “Oh goody, next time remind me to completely seal off my window for any unwanted visitors. And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He didn't move a muscle, but suddenly his body language gave off a negative aura. "Don't play dumb with me Princess, it won't work. I know you better than that."

"I seriously doubt that. It's not because we go to school together that you know me well."

He heaved himself into a sitting position. "See that's where you're wrong. I knew you before we'd even met. That's why the guys didn't want me near you during your training, they wanted to see how well you could do on your own. Apparently I'm too much of a distraction for you." He smirked proudly.

I just had to roll my eyes at that. "Don't flatter yourself. They probably meant so I wouldn't have the urge to rip off your thick head."

Apparently his male ego didn't like that comment. His eyes hardened and he pulled his fists into tight knuckles. "Criticize all you want, but this thick head is what saved you more than once. Keep at it and it might not react next time in rescuing your sorry ass."

I'd meant it as a joke, but I guess he just hadn't gotten that. But still... he was pushing this way out of proportion. Why did he always have to dramatize everything? "What is wrong with you? I swear you have more mood swings than a woman going through menopause!"

"Is that so?" he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah! Especially when I talk about your family! You won't tell me anything and expect me to understand that you don't want to talk about them!"

"Me? What about you? Don't try to switch this on me, Princess." he got off the bed and stood before me. "It's not normal for your parents to leave you alone all the time. Nor that you barely talk to each other or even for you to call them only by Mother and Father. You talk to them so formally it's as if you're in the army!" he took a step towards me. I took one back.

"And don't even make me go into how they talk to you" he let out a hiss "I could beat the shit out of them just for that." Another couple steps forward for him and backwards for me. "So enlighten me, what could you have possibly done..." I backed up against the door then and found myself between it and him. "For them to act this way towards you?"

I moved to go around him, but he quickly caught my wrists and held them over my head. I tried budging my arms and hands but his grip was firm. I started to move my legs, except that he anticipated the action. He leaned both his knees against my thighs, now preventing me from moving at all. "Let me go!" He ignored the command and just looked at me, an intense look on his face, waiting for me to answer him. I gave another useless budge and sighed, finally giving up.

"My parents wanted a baby boy and got one with the bonus of a twin sister. My parents were ecstatic. Yeah, I know," I added when I saw his confused look "Ben told me Shifters don't have siblings, that the parents can only have that one child. But it's the truth; I was born with a twin. But something went wrong during our birth. I kind of got caught while coming out, and it took everything to get me out, and when I finally did, the other baby had died inside. I don't know how, except that the doctors said it was as if he'd had his life sucked out of him. I killed my own brother somehow; I think that's why I'm a Shifter. He was meant to be one, not me.“ I looked to the side, not wanting to look him in the eyes. I hated having people see me like that. “And so they've hated me ever since... I guess everyone's disappointed that I'm a girl" I stated sadly.

He gave me a lopsided grin and bent his head into the crook of my neck. "Believe me," he whispered into my ear "I'm very happy you're a girl." and with that, he kissed me on the lips.

Before I could react, he’d let go and was completely off me. Then he went to the window and pushed it up.

"W-wait!" I stammered. "You still haven't told me about your family… They can't be worse than mine." I said, trying to coax him into telling me something.

He paused, seated on the window sill. Suddenly he hunched his shoulders and looked extremely sad. "They're not... 'cause they're dead... I killed them." And with that, he jumped out the window and into the darkness outside.
Last edited by Spitfire on Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".




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Hey baby girl,

Well, the chapter's as good as when I read it. I did notice something though,

My bed was relatively big in its queen size bed, but he consumed
Uh, huh? LOL

Two thumbs for this chapter, I hadn't expected the twins part of the story. Keep up the great work!!

Love you xxx




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Great job! There was few grammatical errors otherwise great job!
:elephant:
I spy!




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Hey there! This was yet another awesome chapter! So many good twists, and I love the humor that you're keeping throughout the entire story.

There were only a few things I noticed.

WritingSpitfire wrote:oh so many other amusing activities.


You tend to say things like "oh so many" or "not so much"; it stuck out to me as I was reading it, so I just thought I'd mention it since it seems rather repetitive.

"What is wrong with you? I swear you have more mood swings than a woman going through menopause!"


:lol: That was great, it made me laugh.

I moved to go around him, but he quickly caught my wrists and held them over my head. I tried budging my arms and hands but his grip was firm. I started to move my legs, except that he anticipated the action. He leaned both his knees against my thighs, now preventing me from moving at all.


I don't know, this was a little hard for me to picture. Is he completely leaning against her?

don't know how, except that the doctors said it was as if he'd had his life sucked out of him. I killed my own brother somehow; I think that's why I'm a Shifter. He was meant to be one, not me.“


Ooooh so that's how she became a Shifter! :D

"They're not... 'cause they're dead... I killed them." And with that, he jumped out the window and into the darkness outside.


Excellent cliffhanger! Cannot wait to read more! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
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This rocks! Another excellent chapter. As others have stated before me, you do have a few grammatical errors but I'm sure if you go over it again it'll be fine. I also caught the phrases that you seem to use a lot. Ranger Hawk caught those too.

Keep up the good work!
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Hey there, back again for another review. ;)

Alright. This was a pretty good chapter, but I think it could be even better. A few things...

1)
And so we started his "fitness challenge". In other words: sprinting, weight-lifting, push-ups, balance beams, sit-ups, jump rope, pull-ups, the occasional wrestling and oh so many other amusing activities. Not.

Can we see her in some of these training situations? Slow down the story a bit and spend some time actually showing her training instead of just plainly saying that she is training. It'll be more interesting that way, and give more insight into the whole Shifter life.

2) Her parents.
I find it a little hard to believe that they are so cruel to their daughter. Even if she did "kill" her brother, her parents would care at least a little bit about her. And I still don't find the fact that she lives on her own very believable. It feels like leaving your child alone most of the time at such a young age could be considered abuse of some sort. I think I mentioned before maybe sticking her with some sort of housekeeper. If you really needed her alone, you could even say the housekeeper quit and she didn't tell her parents about it or something. *shrugs*

And this.
She'd also started to smoke not long ago, causing her skin to dry up.


Isn't she a doctor? I may be wrong, but a doctor who knows what smoking can do to a person...wouldn't that stop them from smoking?

3) Tony. That's Anthony right? I was confused at first, did you mention he went by Tony earlier? I probably forgot if you did, but if you didn't you probably should.

Also, he keeps randomly kissing her and then leaving and avoiding her for a while and then kissing her again and repeating the whole thing. It seems a little odd, not to mention cliche, and a little jerkish. Maybe you have some good hidden reason for this, but if not then consider rethinking it a bit ;)

I love the part about the twins, and the fact that Anthony killed his family (though he is a bit nonchalant about that...a little weird in my mind). You've got some great twists, just remember to slow down and show us a little more. ;) Allow for some down time in the story, let us in on the lives of the characters outside of the plot. Its fun to read and to write. :)

Good luck! Keep writing!

-Lauren-
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“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell