My Love

My love,
my heart burns
like a spring leaf;
sending up smoke
in the hope
you may look my way.
A pink flower sits,
ever so daintily
in water;
its stem blurred
by the effects
of its demise.
But!
Not for one minute
does its beauty
pause;

A lovely poem with some real voice behind it. One thats short enogh to not dragg on relative to its subject, but not too short as for it to not fully get the message through.
the only prolem that really ocurred to me was that the second stanza wasn't really very related to the first, in my opinion, so try to keep it more secure to a single main point.

Hey Durrie, Stella here! Okay, so I'm not so good at poetry, but I'll give it a shot.

my heart burns
like a spring leaf;

Your heart burns like a spring leaf? I wasn't aware that spring leaves were in the habit of burning... also, why the semi-colon, when you say "sending up smoke" anyway? If it's a connected image, why break it up? Are you saying your heart is burning like a greenwood fire to make smoke signals? Then why the semi-colon? It just makes it sound like it's burning like a spring leaf that... I'll shut up now.

A pink flower sits,
ever so daintily
in water;

This image is so totally unconnected, I can't work out where it's coming from. Again, why the semi-colon? A comma would do fine.

of its demise.

The water is its demise?

Not for one minute
does its beauty
pause;

And again, why the semi-colon?

Okay, other than your clear love of semi-colons, I'm wondering what we're supposed to get from this. It's entitled "My Love" and this puzzled me. Were you referring to the love that you have for someone? If so, why the flower image at the end?

Don't get me wrong, the images themselves are lovely. I'm simply querying the way they're presented, and what we're supposed to get out of them. Sure, it's a slowly dying flower. It's pretty. But what has that got to do with love and being noticed (which is what I thought the poem was about).

Basically, it's good, but it left me thoroughly puzzled.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x