Breathe

"Breathe, Bonnie,"

Oh yeah, air.

I let myself inhale;
ecstasy at last.

Somehow forgotten and freakishly foreign,
the air's redemption is my reminder.

I had a promise broken,
it's pieces like shards of glass,
cutting into my conscience.

It's almost unbearable,
the guilt-trips
and pointed fingers.

Unbreakable friendships
tearing at the seams.

Problems and miscommunications
I knew were there, but didn't want to see;
they were hidden by my enormous ego.

It blinded and hid me from the world,
A broadly skeptical sheet over my eyes.

All I had left was a small grasp,
the pads of my fingers
suppressing my weight.

Along with everything
I had been,
I was slowly slipping away.

Again, I was saved.

"Bonnie," they say,
"Breathe in."

Oh yeah,
air.

I need that.

icanbefixed wrote:"Breathe, Bonnie,"
Oh yeah, air.

I let myself suck in, (hah, sorry I think some better phrasing or changing it's use)
ecstasy at last.

Somehow forgotten
and unlikely foreign,
the air's redemption (Que?)
almost aghast.

It's almost unbearable,
guilt-trips and
crazy schemes. (How did we jump to this?

Unbreakable friendships
tearing at the seams.

But yet, (Might want to re-think 'but')
as it unfolds,
I see the brighter side.

There were problems,
miscommunications
that I knew were there,
but didn't want to see;

problems that were hidden
by the giant ego of
me. (rhyming is kinda getting in the way of the flow, and your line separations are a bit confusing.)

It blinded me,
hid me, (How hid?)
broadly skeptical.

All there was,
behind the lines,
was a small
pinky-hold on (Bit choppy)
everything I once had,
I was slowly slipping away,
and I was saved.

"Bonnie,"
a friend says,
"Breathe in
again."

Oh yeah,
air.

I need that.

I loved the opening, then it kind of confused me towards the center, then the end kinda looped back.

Good, but needs work, your line separations and choice of word ammounts per line are making it an effort to try and read.

Work on the connecting idea of the work and it'll be more of a joy to read.

I loved it overall.

X's and O's, Era.

It thought this a very thoughtful piece. I liked it. However, some words could be a bit more descriptive and just an overall better choice in language. This was also mentioned in the comment above.

I was confused as to if you were trying to have a pattern or if you unintentionally rhymed. When you rhyme, you need to either have it throughout the whole thing, or not at all. The rhyming takes away from the piece in my personal opinion.

Lastly, your verses were choppy. They ended in random spots, etc.

Keep working on it, because it is a decent poem. Good luck!

-Miss Sarah Elizabeth