They often say, never bring a peacock feather inside.

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Hey guys, I was bored and just thought ok this quickly....
So its not very thorough. Can you guys maybe just see if it captures your attention- do you think i should keep going? :o :D :elephant:


CHAPTER ONE:
They often say, never bring a peacock feather inside. But I saw that as a superstitious lie.
Awakening to the same dust streaked sky was a tedious normality. The sun’s rays always marbled the air in an identical way. On this side of the island the milk man delivered the milk contrary to the man on the west side. Our milk man left the two glass bottles in the shade of a tree to escape the tropical heat. He by the name of Kai would not only bring the daily dose of calcium but would also bring superstitious reasons why. Old wise tales pinned to the overhanging palm leaf and scrawled on scrunch of paper. He had a story for everything and everyone and each day if you pedalled down the streets you’d see Kai’s tiny little tales hanging from each tree.




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Hi Kaewrite
I really like it. It captures my attention and I think you should carry on writing it.
I think that you missed out commas in some places but I'm not completely sure so re-read it and see if you think you should add some.
midnightread :elephant:
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won't take it.


Growing old is mandatory,
Growing up is optional.


Rugby is a thugs game played by gentle men,
Football is a gentleman's game played by thugs.




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I really like this - it's very original and you have a really unique writing style. Kai is already an intriguing character. However, some parts confused me or jarred a little:
but would also bring superstitious reasons why

Why what? Why he brings the milk? (I loved the calcium bit, by the way)
And I didn't think it really mattered about the milk man on the other side of the island being contrary - unless it's important later?
I loved the ending and will definitely be looking out for the rest!
Hope this helps,
Sophie :D
If you would like a review, please visit my review shop: topic61400.html :)




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Good beginning, I'd keep it up and build from it. You've already grabbed my attention. :)
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket



GET ON IT PEEPS
— Nate