I'll be a Sparrow

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StoryWeaver13
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Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:20 am
StoryWeaver13 says... · Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:20 am
***Started daydreaming, and kind of just wrote it. Sorry, not very good... :? ***

My feathered friends
Soaring,
Swooping
Without end.
Wings spread wide
Like a kite
Dashing,
Diving
Through the sky.

My feathered friends,
I'll be a sparrow
Somehow, someday.
With wings I'll fly
And break away.
Hopping,
Hovering,
All night and day.

My feathered friends,
People things
Are worth giving up
For a nice pair of wings.
Flitting,
Flying,
Floating,
Fleeting
Through the sky.
I'll be a sparrow;
Forever I'll fly.
Last edited by StoryWeaver13 on Sat Mar 06, 2010 4:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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callmeLily73
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Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:39 am
callmeLily73 says... · Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:39 am
I really love your poem! Its really nice, and I can relate to it. You write really well and I can feel the wind agenst my skin as I read! I also love how your poem has a rythm to it, I find my self chanting it was I read! Which I love! Keep on writing!
Be yourself
And no one else
dance to the beat
and loose control
Never forget who you are
Be an unforgettable shining star*
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Stori
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Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:59 pm
Stori says... · Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:59 pm
One doesn't often find writing about sparrows. Well done!

People things


"People and things" works so much better. That's all I found.
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eldEr
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Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:31 pm
eldEr says... · Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:31 pm
Personally I liked it! It was a very nice rythm. I was sort of surprised to find something about sparrows! The topics are always "Birds" in general, but never anything specific.
You are an excellent poetry writer, so please keep it up! Maybe even PM me whenever you get something new done! I'd love to read it over!!
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?
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TheStorm
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Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:58 pm
TheStorm says... · Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:58 pm
~I love this, I can really picture someone flying in the sky as a sparrow!
~~ life's a dance, you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow(:
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perdido
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Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:23 pm
perdido says... · Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:23 pm
pretty boring and cliche. You preface your poem by saying "sorry, not very good"

You were right.

My advice: Read some stuff. Think about sensory details, about specificity.

And whoever said that there aren't very many poems about sparrows, you're wrong.

Also, "people things" was the one word pairing in your entire poem that was actually interesting, so. keep it.
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XxMattxX
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Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:34 pm
XxMattxX says... · Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:34 pm
StoryWeaver13 wrote:People things
Are worth giving up
For a nice pair of wings.


I was just confused... did you mean People-things, or People,things?
Other than that, very nice. short and snippy, but very heartfelt.
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