Devil's Angel

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For those of you who don' know, a minotaur is a Greek monster with the head of a bull, the torso of a man, and the lower limbs of a bull. Thank you for reading, and please comment. Enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Gage flipped his blond hair out of his face and narrowed his blue eyes. The minotaur, nostrils flared and hands clenched, dug his hooves into the ground in anticipation. Rain poured down from the ominous sky and lightning flashed, lighting up the muddy football field and empty bleachers. Gage ground his teeth together and, with a war-like yell, charged at the minotaur.

The minotaur snorted and raced down the field towards Gage, head lowered, pointed horns aimed straight for Gage's heart. Gage ran flat-out towards the beast; not a drop of fear could be seen on his face. Then, right before the two were to collide, something amazing happened; Gage disappeared.

The skilled boy of seventeen had, with lightning-fast precision, launched himself into the air. Now, he twirled and gave a well-aimed kick to the monster's back. The minotaur, totally unprepared for the blow, toppled and fell face-first into the muck. A sickening snap rang through the air, rebounding off the bleachers, magnifying the sound a hundred times. The minotaur gave a pained howl and ran off to one of the end-zones.

Gage looked down and saw that the Minotaur's left horn was laying in the mud, for it had snapped off when the beast's head had connected with the ground. Gage glanced back up and saw the minotaur racing towards him, with fire in his eyes. The soft, muddy ground had masked the beast's approaching footsteps, taking Gage by surprise. Gage went to jump but it was too late; the Minotaur's thick skull caught Gage in the stomach and he soared down field, laying in a heap on the fifty-yard line.

The minotaur sprinted towards the unconscious Gage, with every intention to trample him to death. Then, out of no where, a foot appeared, a foot connected to a girl, that was driven into the face of the monster. The minotaur staggered and fell.

Lighting streaked across the sky, showing a girl with wild red hair and blazing green eyes standing over the minotaur. The girl was about fifteen, but she had an air of power and leadership around her. The minotaur stood, and the girl threw herself onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck. The minotaur flailed around in a desperate attempt to fling the girl off, her legs flopping around like a rag doll's.

Gage's eyes fluttered open and it took him a moment to register what was going on in front of him. He tried to push himself up but fell back into the mud as a terrible pain coursed through his body. Then, a white light filled his vision.

A flair of lightning had cut through the air and struck the exact place where the two figures had been struggling. The smell of sulfur and burnt hair filled the air and it was a minute before Gage's eyesight adjusted back to the near-black field.

Gage struggled up and looked around; the girl and the beast were both no where to be seen. Gage felt not just his heart, but his body, rip in two as he was faced with the fact that his lover, his soul mate, was gone forever.

"Elyza!" he called, softly at first, and then louder and louder until the word rang off the empty bleachers. Lightning streaked across the sky, chasing away all the shadows for a moment, showing Gage that Elyza wasn't hiding somewhere. The only evidence that Elyza and the minotaur had even ever existed was the Minotaur's broken horn, a few hoof prints in the mud, and a couple scattered feathers.

Gage fell to the ground, coughing up blood into the sticky mud. His tears mixed with the rain that ran down his face and he curled up into a little ball, sobbing for the first time in his life. Exhaustion rippled through his body and, even though he was hurting terribly, he fell into a fitful sleep.

Then, just before he went under, he thought he heard a voice in the wind, whispering in his ear. Nothing will ever be the same, it promised.
Many ask me if I see the glass as half full or half empty. Well, I don't know about you, but I see the glass as, WHO DRANK HALF OF MY MILK?!?!?!




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dragnet wrote:For those of you who don' know, a minotaur is a Greek monster with the head of a bull, the torso of a man, and the lower limbs of a bull. Thank you for reading, and please comment. Enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Gage flipped his blond hair out of his face and narrowed his blue eyes. The minotaur, nostrils flared and hands clenched, dug his hooves into the ground in anticipation. Rain poured down from the ominous sky and lightning flashed, lighting up the muddy football field and empty bleachers. Gage ground his teeth together and, with a war-like yell, charged at the minotaur. cool

The minotaur snorted and raced down the field towards Gage, head lowered, pointed horns aimed straight for Gage's heart. Gage ran flat-out towards the beast; not a drop of fear could be seen on his face. Then, right before the two were to collide, something amazing happened; Gage disappeared. You use the MC name a lot. Maybe try a pronoun. I don't know. Just what I do.

The skilled boy of seventeen had, with lightning-fast precision, launched himself into the air. Now, he twirled and gave a well-aimed kick to the monster's back. The minotaur, totally unprepared for the blow, toppled and fell face-first into the muck. A sickening snap rang through the air, rebounding off the bleachers, magnifying the sound a hundred times. The minotaur gave a pained howl and ran off to one of the end-zones.again,cool.

Gage looked down and saw that the Minotaur's left horn was laying in the mud, for it had snapped off when the beast's head had connected with the ground. Gage glanced back up and saw the minotaur racing towards him, with fire in his eyes. The soft, muddy ground had masked the beast's approaching footsteps, taking Gage by surprise.wouldn't it make his steps all squishy and loud? Gage went to jump but it was too late; the Minotaur's thick skull caught Gage in the stomach and he soared down field, laying in a heap on the fifty-yard line.

The minotaur sprinted towards the unconscious Gage, with every intention to trample him to death. Then, out of no where, a foot appeared, a foot connected to a girl, that was driven into the face of the monster. The minotaur staggered and fell.

Lighting streaked across the sky, showing a girl with wild red hair and blazing green eyes standing over the minotaur. The girl was about fifteen, but she had an air of power and leadership around her. The minotaur stood, and the girl threw herself onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck. The minotaur flailed around in a desperate attempt to fling the girl off, her legs flopping around like a rag doll's.

Gage's eyes fluttered open and it took him a moment to register what was going on in front of him. He tried to push himself up but fell back into the mud as a terrible pain coursed through his body. Then, a white light filled his vision.

A flair of lightning had cut through the air and struck the exact place where the two figures had been struggling. The smell of sulfur and burnt hair filled the air and it was a minute before Gage's eyesight adjusted back to the near-black field.

Gage struggled up and looked around; the girl and the beast were both no where to be seen. Gage felt not just his heart, but his body, rip in two as he was faced with the fact that his lover, his soul mate, was gone forever.

"Elyza!" he called, softly at first, and then louder and louder until the word rang off the empty bleachers. Lightning streaked across the sky, chasing away all the shadows for a moment, showing Gage that Elyza wasn't hiding somewhere. The only evidence that Elyza and the minotaur had even ever existed was the Minotaur's broken horn, a few hoof prints in the mud, and a couple scattered feathers.

Gage fell to the ground, coughing up blood into the sticky mud. His tears mixed with the rain that ran down his face and he curled up into a little ball, sobbing for the first time in his life. Exhaustion rippled through his body and, even though he was hurting terribly, he fell into a fitful sleep.

Then, just before he went under, he thought he heard a voice in the wind, whispering in his ear. Nothing will ever be the same, it promised.


This was really cool. A little Percy Jackson for me, but that's alright. I can't wait to see what you post next. I enjoyed it.
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Wow :xd:
"Madness rides the Star wind"

HP Lovecraft. Ironic, no?




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Hey there dragnet. I'll be your reviewer for today.

I think you did a fairly decent job in describing the battle between your MC and the minotaur. On the whole however, this was a pretty hollow piece. There's nothing wrong with starting a novel with action, but you also need something for the action to fall upon. This is called cause and effect.

Let's start off with your characters. To me, they were pretty bland and uninteresting. Your main character, Gage seemed like a mary-sue. He's able to do all these moves without really breaking much of a sweat. And this is coming from a seventeen year old? You need to make your character seem more realistic to the reader. What exactly was Gage fighting for? How did he felt? Why is he able to do all those moves? The same can be said about your female character. In fact, I actually felt it was pretty pointless to even have her in this piece. She doesn't really seem to have much relevance with the story at hand.

Secondly, I think you need to be more aware with your settings. I really have little idea of where this was taking place. You have a lot of cliche descriptions like rain and lightning, but very little unique and specific details to give a reader a better understanding of the situation. Setting is vital to the meaning behind a novel. A fight taking place in...say a coliseum would be totally different than if it was fought on school grounds. The first one implies that there's spectators around, whereas the second one implies that the boy is being hunted down by this creature.

To be honest with you, this entire piece reminded me of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. But the author of that novel has much better awareness of setting, characters and Greek mythology to create some meaning behind the novel. Take the first chapter of it for example.

In the first chapter, the author established him to be a regular kid that doesn't exactly do well at school and often gets into trouble. We as the reader can relate to him as he does a lot of things that regular teens would (e.g: getting into fights, getting bored when the teacher rambles too much). Throughout that chapter, the author shows to us that Percy is on a field trip at a museum with his class learning about Greek mythology and uses Percy's teacher to draw out some particular aspects of this which will become relevant later on in the novel. Near the end of that chapter, Percy something out of the ordinary happens and when he asked his classmates if they saw what happened,everyone denied it. What we got out of that chapter is that Percy, a regular teenage kid is being watched over by forces which are common in Greek mythology. This will draw the reader's attention as they would want to know why Percy is involved in all this and why the Greek gods are existing in a modern society.

For your piece however, there was mostly action with very little for the reader to get interested about. If you take some time to flesh out your characters and situation more, then you might have a better chance of catching your reader's attention. If you are going to do a story involving Greek mythology, then you need to be more aware of its ideas and meanings and integrate it more successfully into your piece.

I hope this helped.

Andy.
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."



When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
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